Post # 1
SO & I were each filling out a survey, when the question of marital status came up, I checked the box marked “single” and he checked “engaged”! I noticed from the corner of my eye that he was waiting to see what I would mark, and I chose the most accurate answer. I didn’t intend any disrespect to what we have or mean this as a hint. We are very committed to each other, but not living together. He laughed it off, but still questioned it. Btw, although we plan to get married, and have even gone ring shopping, it’s not official. No proposal=not engaged, right? The rep wasn’t sure to congratulate us or not, but did anyway. I thanked her and said “We’re working on it.” with a smile. What would you have done?
Post # 3
I’m not really sure your backstory, but why would he have marked engaged if you don’t consider yourselves to be engaged?
Post # 4
@Rocport: I would have been like, “Who are you engaged to? I don’t remember a proposal.”
Post # 5
Although DH and I had talked about it and had the ring already I didn’t consider us engaged until he popped the question. But that’s just me.
Post # 6
@firsttimemom: Same. For the record, as far as when we considered ourselves engaged. Haha. We had the ring for almost 6 months before he proposed.
Post # 7
I agree 100% with helenberrycrunch I would have responded with:
“Who are you engaged to? I don’t remember a proposal.”
Post # 8
I never had a ring or proposal. At some point I realized that particular tradition would never compute w/ my DH. He never really called me his fiance until we set a wedding date, but the intent was diffusely there for years prior. At least you can see his intentions are solid.
Post # 9
I’d definitely mark single. SO and I live together, have talked marriage, and browsed rings online. But I’m not saying I’m engaged until he pops the question. There’s no way to really know he wants to spend the rest of his life with me unless he asks. I’m black and white like that I guess.
LOL @ helenberrycrunch’s response.
Post # 10
Yeah. I would have done the same thing as you. Even though we talked a lot about getting engaged and even owned a home together I didn’t consider us engaged until he proposed and I had that ring on my finger. Well, maybe it will make him think about it. Maybe he assumes you assume you’re engaged. It could mean a proposal in your near future.
Post # 11
My famous words (pre-engagement) were: *holding my hand out* Ummm… I don’t see a ring on my finger!
Post # 12
We did things backwards. He asked, then we picked a ring together. I told him it would be official when I had my ring. I would have marked single in your case.
Post # 13
@Rocport: I think what you did is fair, and I would have reacted the same way. You’re not engaged, so why mark “Engaged”?
J does this sometimes, except he’ll saymark down that we’re “Common Law”. I check off the “Single” box, and he questions me. I just say: “Well, we’re not married. And us living together right now is NOT common law. In my opinion, ‘common law’ means that you have BOTH decided that you’re happy the way things are (dating and living together) and have no plans to get married. Until you and I are married, I am technically single, according to this survey. There is no ‘Boyfriend’ check box.”
No offence to anyone on the boards, but I hate the term “Common Law”. I realize that after a certain number of years living together, by law you are in fact “common law”. But I refuse to be called this, lol.
Post # 14
hahaha! exactly what I was thinking
Post # 15
@GwenvonD: What state do you live in? Very few states have common law marriages anymore (NH, for example, only allows it for purposes of inheritance). Legally, you are correct that generally “‘common law’ means that you have BOTH decided that you’re happy the way things are (dating and living together) and have no plans to get married.” Most states require that you 1) hold yourself out to others as being married (e.g. call yourself by Mr./Mrs., joint banks under those names) and 2) you consider youself married (and therefore, have no intention of getting married legally at a later date). However, I don’t think any states based it on length of time together. (NOTE: I believe Canada is different, and it’s one or two years there.) In addition to my family law class in law school, I used to live in PA during the time that they got rid of common law marriage, and I did pro bono work at a family law clinic where this question came up once.
Did a quick google search to give you some info on the different states: http://www.unmarried.org/common-law-marriage-fact-sheet.html
*This is not legal advice, speak to a lawyer in your state if you have legal questions!
Post # 16
I think common law is a Canadian thing. Whoops, should have read your whole post first, looks like you knew that 🙂