- 1 year ago
Two months ago, my boyfriend and I decided that we were ready to commit to one another, and that we wanted to get married. We both are pragmatic people, and I loved that we decided together in a conversation, and that it wasn’t a traditional or dramatic “proposal” in any way. Neither of us want a wedding or a flashy honeymoon, nor any of the rest of the traditional hoopla that goes along with weddings and marriage.
I am 100% unbothered by the fact that he did not buy me a ring. In fact, being rather egalitarian when it comes to relationships, and conservative when it comes to money, I would not be comfortable if he were to buy me a ring. However, my family has an engagement ring from a close relative of mine who passed away when I was young, that we had always planned would go to me if I ever got engaged. Never having thought I would be engaged, I never really thought much about it. Now that I am engaged, for reasons that I can’t even fully articulate, I really do want my family’s ring.
Unfortunately, my fiance is anti-engagement ring. He sees them as a symbol of misogyny and oppression of women and of materialism, and frankly, I understand his view. (As I said above, absent the family ring, I would be perfectly happy to go without.) He has told me that if I really want the ring, that I should have it, but that it would make him very uncomfortable, and that if I am to take the ring, that I should look at it as a gift from my family, and not as anything having to do with him.
I am truly torn. I do want the ring. For me it is a symbol of our love for each other, as well as an heirloom from my family with other sentimental value. It is the only traditional wedding symbol that I like, partly because, like a marriage (and unlike a wedding) it is something that is a permanent and daily reminder of love. But I don’t want to wear on my hand something that would also be a permanent and daily reminder of something that my fiance does not agree with.
It is pretty clear that the whole of the decision lies with me, and I am at a loss. No matter what I decide, one of us will be disappointed. What should I do?