He's Morally Opposed to Rings, but I Want My Family Heirloom

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Member
7405 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If you want it so much, why not just wear it on your right hand?

Member
3909 posts
Honey bee

You could have the ring re-made into a pendant or other jewlry to wear. You could also wear it on a non-traditional finger so it is not so closely linked to the ancient symoblism of a man “owning” a woman. You could also have it remade into two rings— one for you and one for him— of course you would need additional metal and stones– but in this way you would each “own” each other if you really wanted to focus on the old meanings of the tradition.

Member
841 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s your decision whether you wear a ring or not. I understand his point of view, but in a way, it is kind of mysogynistic of him to tell you that you CAN’T wear a ring. If you want to wear the ring, you should wear it. just find a way to come to an understanding between the two of you that it is not a symbol of him “owning” you, but a symbol of your commitment to him while also honoring your family. It can just be a ring that you happen to be wearing on your left finger than your right, or you could just wear it on your right hand. Either way, it’s just a piece of jewelry.

Member
8046 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@EHC5212:  Wow, times have changed.. you might want to tell your fiance that. I don’t think anyone thinks nowadays “oh, she is owned by a man” when they see a pretty ring on a lady’s finger. Geez.

If my SO suggested I couldn’t get a ring, especially if it were a lovely family heirloom, we’d have some big problems.

We aren’t having a flashy wedding either… but I want a flashy ring and we love to travel, so hell yes we’re having a fancy honeymoon. You can pick elements of tradition that you like, and discard the ones you don’t like.

Member
1951 posts
Buzzing bee

@EHC5212:  If you want the rings, you should have it. I don’t really understand his line of thought, because to me, rings represent a promise made by the two of you for unending, ever-renewing love. It doesn’t mean you’re a posession.

I’m guessing he won’t wear a ring, either? 

Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

@LilliePad: “in a way, it is kind of mysogynistic of him to tell you that you CAN’T wear a ring. If you want to wear the ring, you should wear it. just find a way to come to an understanding between the two of you that it is not a symbol of him “owning” you, but a symbol of your commitment to him while also honoring your family.”

Exactly this. An engagement ring is a symbol — not a pair of handcuffs.

 

Member
789 posts
Busy bee

Why not get him an engagement ring also? That way you both feel like it is part of the same agreement? I have lots of super progressive feminist friends that have done this. I got my FI an engagement watch, since he doesn’t want to have two rings.

Member
841 posts
Busy bee

@EHC5212:  I know he isn’t expressly telling you that you can’t do somehting, but he is implying it by telling you that he would be uncomfortable. He’s putting you in a lose-lose situation. Others may not agree with this but I don’t see a huge difference between him telling you that you can’t, and him saying he’ll be uncomfortable if you do.

What if you didn’t wear it as an engagement ring, but wore it as a wedding ring instead (after your married), and get him a ring, too. That way you’re both equals.

Member
688 posts
Busy bee

if you like it then wear it because its a family piece (or just bc its pretty) you dont have to ge engaged or have a man to wear a ring

 

if someone asks tell the truth…this was my grest aunt susan’s ring and she left it to me.

Member
334 posts
Helper bee

@LilliePad: YES x1000!!!

I’ve never thought of an engagement ring as a man “owning” you. To me (and my FI) its a symbol of the commitment we have made. If you want the ring and it is important to you, you should wear it!

 

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