Post # 1
In about a month and a half, the fiance and I will be moving in together. We’ve been together about 4-5 years and been engaged for almost 10 months, we talk to each other every day, spent the night with each other about 2-5 nights a week, depending on the week. I have stuff at his place like a tooth brush, a hair brush, deodorant, a blanket, extra pillows, some makeup and toiletries, and feminine products. That’s been our way of life for the last few years.
But that’s all going to change in the coming weeks.
I’m kinda weirding out about it.
I’m so used to my own personal space and having my own bed all to myself and doing whatever I feel like doing, when I feel like doing it. It’s been awesome. But I’ve been so, so very excited about, and looking forward to, us moving in together and being a regular couple! I dreamed about it all the time, couldn’t wait for it.
And now it’s finally here and I’ve got cold feet.
I definitely want to live with him, clearly because we’re getting married, but I feel so odd about living with a dude, or just another person in general.
Am I crazy? Am I seriously set in my ways? Will I get used to this? Should I just give up and get some cats instead? What is going on in my head?
Reassurance on aisle 3 please?
Post # 3
@Omgbunnies: Totally normal! I was a few weeks from turning 40 when DH and I moved in together. I had never lived with a romatic partner. And the last time I had a roommate other than my Mom or Dad was 14 years earlier. Yeah, I was worried/scared sh**less.
But you’ve been together for awhile and you have spent 2-5 nights/week together, so you know a lot about his habits and stuff already. The biggest adjustment (besides running the household stuff–folding towel quirks and stuff) is how much togetherness and apartness you want/need. When you are dating, when you are together, you are together. Your alone times is when you are apart. But once you move in together, you have to be alone while you are together. 🙂
So you have to negotiate how much togetherness is too much and how much is too little. What does togetherness look like. If we are in the same room, one reading the other on the iPad or playing a computer game, are you really together? Does togetherness mean doing the same thing like watching a tv show together?
We found it very helpful to have a separate space for him to go to–an office where he can play his computer games. Sometimes I’m the one telling him he need to go play a game and leave me alone LOL. Also helps if you have different bed times. He goes to sleep before me so I get at least an hour or two by myself.
Just keep talking and negotiating and dont take offense if he or you need more alone time than you realized.
Post # 4
@KoiKove: I’m having the same worries, and your post was really reassuring! Thanks!
Post # 5
@Omgbunnies: My SO and I bought a house together in March. It was my first time ever moving in with someone who wasnt family (I lived with my brother for the past 3 years). I absolutely LOVE IT. I could never go back to living without him.
Post # 6
you will get used to it.
FI moved in with me 4 months after i bought my house (at the time, he wasn’t my FI yet).
it took us a little while, but we settled into a routine. now i can’t imagine living without him.
Post # 7
@Omgbunnies: I was really excited to live with MrPanda99 but it just sort of happened naturally. We didn’t have a “move in date” and things moved really fast for us. I have 4 siblings so I am used to living with people and I lived with my ex before MrPanda99. I guess it wasn’t a big deal for me. It was worse to live alone to be honest.
Post # 8
@Omgbunnies: I was also really nervous to make the move into DH’s house when we were dating. But it only made sense since I would stay thre all the time anyways. It was a good experience to live together before we got married and I’m glad we did it. I’m a creature of habit so any change for me is always hard but eventually you will get used to it and everything will be great 🙂
Post # 9
ummm I have lived with DH for a long time over the past 10 years…. I still get cold feet lol So it’s totally normal. I still have days where im like “maybe I should get an apartment for myself!” lol not realistically of course but living with someone is always going to have its challenges. I loved living alone. I had a blast. So switching was always hard. But so worth it.
Post # 10
Thanks for the assurance 🙂 I’m sure it’ll be just fine. Just got so worked up and wiggy! I did used to live with an ex, but that was years and years ago.
Post # 11
@Omgbunnies: Oh and get used to the farts. Seriously, how boys dont just go up in flames from all the gas I just dont know!
Post # 12
@Omgbunnies: Oh my. I got so used to living on my own after breaking up with my ex. I had a house (yes, a house. A mobile manufactured home, but a home none the less) all to myself. 3 bedrooms, two bathrooms. All mine.
Then I moved in to a tiny 2 bedroom apt with my DH (FI at the time), and I about lost it. It wasn’t hard sharing, but it was hard to lose space and a quiet place to go.
Now that we have a house and have lived together a long time its fine, but it was a big change living together in an apt to a house. We had very different tastes on hwot o decorate, fix stuff, etc.
You will get used to it. Just make sure you guys communicate about what you want when it comes to personal time and such.