Post # 1
so I made a post a while back complaining about the upcoming holidays and how we won’t be engaged…
well now it seems, we aren’t even spending the holidays together anymore.
basically, I invited him for thanksgiving with my family, and he declined without any sort of reason… so that was awesome… and he never made any kind of invitation for me to attend thanksgiving with his family. so basically it feels like I’m not very important to him at all… even when I told him I wanted to spend the holidays together he made no attempt to invite me or include me, and I started to feel embarrassed by how desperate I sounded, so I gave up on the topic.
at this point, I’m starting to feel like if you won’t even invite me to spend holidays with you, I’m obviously not that important in your life.
it just hurts that he didn’t even think about this (or me) at all…
and I feel like not only are we not getting engaged any time soon, he doesn’t even think of me as someone important in his life…
I think I’m making a fool of myself…
Post # 3
and honestly i feel really blindsided by this… i thought we meant the world to each other…
Post # 4
My love and sympathy goes out for you! I have been in that relationship and it sucks. You should let him know that it bothers you in a very blunt, not mean or catty but just let him know that if he doesn’t view you as important enough to be with you on the holidays, the one or two times a year your supposed to be with loved ones then he needs to re-evaluate your relationship.
Not to be disheartening because it is the holidays, but you may want to reconsider what you want as well. This inconsideration is not acceptable to someone who loves you.
You do what you need to do and know you have people who will read and support you through whatever! 🙂
Post # 5
you should definitely sit him down and talk to him about this!
Post # 6
oh man that sucks i feel for you ! but one has to wonder what the heck !! what a jerk what kind of bf dosent want to spend the holidays with his gf
there is no way he would be thinking about getting engaged if he blatenly dosent want to spend holidays together. i wouyld take some time to think about if he is worth it ?
dose he have a crazy big family? dose he get on well with ur fam ?
Post # 7
I’m sorry, this would make me very unhappy as well! You’ve told him you want to spend the holidays together, but he’s not inviting you or accepting your invites at all? Has he given a reason? Maybe there’s something weird where he doesn’t feel appropriate unless his family extends the invite, I knew a guy like that once. Either way, it’s not desperate to ask him about it. It’s important to try and spend holidays with the people you love, and you deserve to know where you fit in among those people.
Post # 8
@hottlips:I totally agree with every word of this!!
Post # 9
hold up, are you sure that not giving an invitation could possibly be sparing you? some people dislike spending thanksgiving with their family as it results in arguments and awkwardness, so if that were the case, i can see why he wouldn’t be quick to invite you over.
also, i wouldn’t be terribly offended that he declined your invite, though it would be dissappointing. once again, there could be a few easily understandable reasons, even if he didn’t tell you why. my guesses would be that either he feels obligated to spend it with his family or he feels awkward about intruding on your family time since he’s not yet technically apart of your family.
as for actually telling him you’d like to “spend the holidays” with him, maybe he’s thinking christams/new years? that’s what i’d think of….i guess i don’t really consider thanksgiving to count as part of that, so maybe he doesn’t correlate the two either. on top of that, the holiday season is super important to some and kind of annoying to others. explain how much it would mean to you if he could make time to celebrate the season with you and your/his families. you certainly aren’t desparate, but it seems like you’re taking this much more personally than he probably realizes.
Post # 10
sorry this happened 🙁 As others have already said, maybe it’s a good thing you aren’t going to his place for Thanksgiving? Perhaps there’s some family drama going on and he doesn’t want you placed in that situation. Is he really shy around lots of people? Maybe being around so many of your family members scares him a bit. My SO is like that so I can understnad it, never mind the constant nagging him of when he’s going to propose.I would talk to him and tell him how you feel so he has a chance to tell you what’s going on. It may not be as bad as you are thinking.
Post # 10
I am kind of with Laceywings, but then you are offended because you are offended…
Maybe you want to ask him WHY he doesn’t try to spend it with you?
Post # 11
Maybe he’s nervous about spending time with your family or maybe he didn’t invite you to spend time with his because he figures you’d prefer to be with yours.
I would talk to him and find out why he didn’t accept your invite… and perhaps see if he’d be open to the idea of inviting you to his house.
Is he distant in other parts of the relationship? Commitment is more of a day to day personal thing than being all gung-ho about spending time with family.
Post # 12
@laceywings: I agree, that could defnitely be part of it. I declined to spend Thanksgiving with my Fiance our first one together (this coming one will be our third) because I felt like I would be unwelcome or out of place amoung his family, even though I was invited. He understood and it wasn’t a big deal.
OP – I think you should talk to him about his reasons for his declining your invitation and not extending one to you.
Post # 13
@CarolinaCola: Co-signing the last sentence of this reply, OP. You need to talk to him and find out what’s going on. And I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way and that he is making you feel this way… trying to send positive thoughts out to you 🙂
Post # 14
thanks everyone for the replies
I don’t think he’s not inviting me to “spare” me from anything, I’ve met everyone before multiple times… I’ve asked him why he said no to my invitation, but he doesn’t really come up with much of an answer, and he knows I feel bad about it. still, he doesn’t really try to make the situation any better
I don’t know. I think I’m getting to the end of my rope a little quicker than I expected. I’m sick to death of being the girlfriend! and I think he’s comfortable with where we are. I don’t think I am anymore.
Post # 15
I am so sorry, the holidays are supposed to be spent with the one you love (priority over all others, unless you have kids). I’ve struggled with this same thing with my SO during the first couple of years but he has turned it around.
I do think you have every right to feel the way you do. I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your family. Maybe when it’s over, it’s time to sit down and re-evaluate where you stand on your relationship. But, I think you already know that.
Again, I’m so sorry and I’m sending cyberspace hugs and good vibes.