He's not proposing. Hasn't even thought of a holiday gift.

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The two of you agreed that you should break up with him if he didn’t get you a gift this year? If that’s all it takes, do you think you should get engaged then?

Post # 4
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honey, I hate to say this but relationships really shouldn’t be this hard! Nobody should need a formal deadline in order to buy their SO a Christmas present. Although having said this, I hope it’s a good one.

Post # 5
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@blushpinkbride:  +1

Breakup over a present?? Sounds like you have bigger problems than you think.

Post # 6
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

If for some reason you guys agreed you should break up over this, It should have been his damn #1 priority. You should NOT have had to remind him. He sounds really irresponsible 

Post # 9
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee

@veilofanonymity:  It sounds like you two agreed to “break up” over him missing the gift deadline as a way to spur him to change, so I don’t think you necessarily need to reevaluate your entire relationship based on this.

However, it sounds like that isn’t the right solution to the problem. Can you come up with another solution in therapy? It seems to me like you might need to identify his love language and somehow make him realize that his needs are fulfilled, but yours aren’t.

Post # 10
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If he’s always been bad at planning gifts then it’s unrealistic to expect that he’ll give a nice, pre-planned gift even with the threat of breaking up if no such gift is made (aside: that’s a really questionable approach by your therapist so maybe trying a different therapist would be a good second opinion). If you interpret gifts as an outward symbol of love and he doesn’t, then you as a couple need to find a better way to do things. Perhaps instead of gifts, you plan a weekend getaway, but plan it together as a couple.

Post # 12
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@veilofanonymity:  I don’t mean to imply that you’re materialistic at all. I just don’t understand why you’d want to commit yourself to life to someone who doesn’t show you that he loves you in a way that is important to you. 

Post # 14
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@veilofanonymity:  From what you’ve explained, it sounds like he’s a good guy who really wants to work on this issue. So I quite understand why this isn’t an upset post.

My Uncle was a maths professor. He had a similarly logical approach to life and my Aunt Mary would regularly and quietly remove him to his study and explain that what he thought was a perfectly rational response was, in fact, something that could easily have been interpreted as rudeness! Despite this, they made a great couple though and were married for many happy years.

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