Post # 1
I don’t yet have an e-ring, altough he proposed in January. He wants a custom made ring, and he wont be able to do that until he comes home in August. He wants to make sure it’s something I’ll love, so he asked me what I like. When I told him that diamonds are not my favorite, he said its definatly going to be a diamond. Diamonds are ok, but I prefer more intresting things. When I said I don’t like yellow gold, he says ok, platnium. And when I siad I don’t want anything big that will look silly on my hand (I have small hands), he said it will be at least 1 carat. The ring as he describes it sounds like it will be expensive. I love that he wants to spend alot on me, but I honestly dont want a super expensive, big, diamond ring. In fact, my dream e-ring would be an opal on a silver band with black hills gold. So, I guess my question is, how can I talk him out of that diamond?
Post # 3
You probably can’t talk him out of a diamond if he asks you want you want, then immediately tells you the opposite.
I would try to reason with him that you have to wear this ring for the rest of your life and you’d like something that fits your tastes.
Post # 4
Does he want to get you something you like or doesn’t he?
Perhaps he thinks you actually do want a big diamond set into platinum and you’re only asking for something else because you selflessly don’t want him to spend too much? Many men assume that all women really want a diamond. Perhaps try and convince him you really would prefer an opal.
Post # 5
Don’t forget that rings also reflect on him, too. Even though you REALLY want an opal, he may be worried that people will think he was cheap or that you don’t actually like it.
Have a heart to heart with him. If he insists on a diamond, it IS HIS GIFT TO YOU for your engagement. I know others will disagree with me on this, but even though you have to wear it, the fact that he’s buying it for you gives him the final say in what it is.
Post # 6
why is he so insistant on not listening to what you want? I’d be worried of his controlling attitude :/
Post # 7
Well, opals are really fragile, so be careful if you do end up with an opal ring.
I’d start printing out pics of what you like and sending them his way. You guys are already talking rings, there’s no harm in voicing your preference.
Post # 8
Isn’t it ironic that many girls want a big diamond and the girl with the FI that wants to give her one doesn’t want one? Just had to point that out, nothing wrong with it! I think you should just talked to him about it and see if you can compromise. Maybe he could give you the diamond e-ring he wants to now and the opal next year for you anniversary?
Post # 9
My FI was adamant that I have a diamond. I have a sapphire ring which was never supposed to be THE e-ring, it was supposed to be a temporary thing but I just didn’t see the point in getting another ring when I don’t even like diamonds at all. It took YEARS (literally) for me to finally convince him that I REALLY DID NOT want a diamond and I wasn’t just sayig that because they are exoensive, or whatever other reason. He was sure I was only saying it because he thought I didn’t want him to spend that much money. I told my FI that if he bought me adiamond I would sell it, and I meant it.
Just give him good reasons why you don’t want a diamond and eventually (hopefully) he will finally get it! Good luck!
Post # 10
@Lilubird: I imagine it’s not controlling, I believe it’s probably more likely that he think she really does want that and is just worried about the cost, or something like that.
Post # 11
He definately is not controlling. He comes from a family that has always had money to do whatever and seems to think that if it costs more it must be better.
He wants me to go with him when he goes to design it, etc. He has pretty much said I can have whatever I want (as far as setting, cut, color, whatever), but he wants it to be a diamond. When he asked me what I liked, I said “intresting things like opal, mystic fire topaz, etc.” and I told him “diamonds are not my favorite” (I did not say “no diamonds” when we spoke). He followed that up with “it can be whatever color diamond you want”.
I’m sure he thought I was talking about clear diamonds when I said they’re not my favorite, but reguardless of color, diamonds just aren’t my thing I guess. I haven’t actually argued the fact with him, because I know he wants to get me something really nice that I’ll love, but I’m just not that into big flashy rings. He’s alot like my dad tho, and doesn’t seem to get that it doesn’t have to be the most expensive one to be my favorite one.
I think part of the issue is the size of diamond he wants to get. If it had a few little diamonds, along with something else, that would be awesome. And we’d both get something we want (him the diamonds, I the something else). But he wants at least a carat. I’ve seen 1+ carat diamonds. My hands are small. I wear a size 4.5 ring.
I know opal is fragile, I have a ring, necklace and earring set. 🙂 I’ve never damaged it. If I’m doing anything where I worry about my rings, I take them off and put them on a chain or in a pocket until I’m done.
Post # 12
Tell him that you don’t want a diamond and if he still gets you one, then you won’t wear it. Simple as that. You are the one wearing it, not him.
Post # 13
Interesting enough… guys have big egos when it comes to rings. So he may be worried about what other people will think when he shows them your non-diamond e-ring. It had been one month and my FI already wanted to upgrade my diamond… I was like, leave me alone I love my ring. Anyway, you should have a “slap you in the face” conversation with him and let him know that you really want a certain type of ring. You don’t mind him spending money… it’s not that… but you want something different. He needs to deal with it 🙂
Post # 14
Can you work out a compromise? For example, carat for carat, some shapes of diamonds look smaller than others because of the cut. Asschers for one are cut deep and a 1-carat asscher will not look as big as a 1-carat round. Then you could get interesting side stones and have some of what you want, too.
Post # 15
@Shylis: Ok, was just trying to let you know.
Post # 16
I’m going to bring it up again here soon. I’ll bring up some of you ladies suggestions. I want it to be something he can be proud of too, but I don’t want a big ring (they look silly on my little fingers to me). I’m going to try to compromise with him. He’s pretty good with compromising with me, so I’m sure we can work something out that we’ll both like. 🙂 Thank you all for your suggestions.
I hope I didn’t sound rude when talking about the opal thing. That wasn’t my intention.