Post # 1
LOL. Okay, so before I even post this, I want to say I know I am kinda wrong for this, but its kinda part mini-vent kinda what if….
Last September, a friend of mine from undergrad got married. I was invited but wasn’t able to come–largely b/c I would have just gone back to school and would have had to fly back from Mass to Cali the next weekend, and possibly during on-campus job interviews. (I also explained this to him) I wasn’t knowledgeable of wedding etiquette at the time, and now, looking back, I think I may have been on the B-list, since I got the invite like a few days before the RSVP deadline (and a few days after he called to ask for my address).
We hadn’t talked since our 5-year reunion, like a year or so earlier, but he was a really nice guy, so I still sent a pretty nice present–like at least $120 (and this is on a student budget, no less!). I texted him like 3 months later to make sure they had received it, since I hadn’t heard anything from them. He said “oh yeah, we need to send thank yous! lol!” Fast-forward over a year later, still no thank you.
I invited him to my wedding this year, and they were the first to send back their RSVP — NO! With no note, or “best wishes” or anything on the RSVP. They never sent a card or a gift either. Another good friend (whose wedding he also missed and didn’t send a gift to) went to his wedding & bought him a really nice gift & never got a Thank You either.
I am tempted to text him him something snarky like “still waiting on my Thank You…” or something like that. I think it’s totally rude, and after going through my wedding & how stressed I was to get out Thank Yous b/c of how bad it feels to not receive one, I feel a bit resentful that I sent a nice gift and card and I never got so much as a “Congratulations–sorry we can’t be there!”
Post # 3
@moneypenny02:Omg, when I read this it made me giggle! This is how I am. My sister got married last September and I was on a student budget and was paying rent at two places at the time (because we were moving) so I was clearly strapped for cash. Still I saved and gave her a 200 dollar check. It was cashed like the next day….fast forward to today…still no thank you.
Since then she has had a baby and the baby shower came and went…spent over 300 on my little nephew and finally got a thank you..but where’s my wedding thank you!?
I could so see myself sending out some snarky text…still waiting on my thank you…haha!
Post # 4
I think it’s okay to send a message asking if they got your gift–not to be snarky, but just to make sure they actually got it. That’s actually considered appropriate etiquette. I would try to avoid snarkiness (although I would definitely be tempted to make a comment about how long it had been), but it’s okay to ask because you do want to make sure that the gift didn’t get lost in the mail.
Post # 5
Lmao your thank you is the same place as my rsvp’s in etiquette hell 😛
Post # 6
@crebre – LOL….Maybe postal workers take wedding RSVPs and Thank You’s just to mess with peoples’ heads!….and THEN come on Weddingbee and laugh maniacally!
@Melanie – I did text him like 3 months after he rec’d the gift to make sure that he had gotten it….at this point, it would be pure snark.
Post # 8
I hear you! I went to a wedding last July (as in 2009). I gave a gift that I could afford (I was broke and had 4 weddings that summer). I know they got it, as it was a cheque that was cashed. No thank you.
When I got married in September I had to hound them for their RSVP (which was no) and no follow up “congrats” or “best wishes”.
I personally think that the bride was in the thought that people should have been gifting a lot, since the wedding was higher end. Sorry, I just couldn’t afford that. Maybe I am the most awful person for thinking that someone would be excited that people were there to celebrate their day and not for what they were able to gift.
Post # 9
This makes me giggle too because I hate to admit it, but I’m sort of that petty too! Obviously, PLEASE don’t text the couple over an old thank-you note! They at least sent the RSVP back.
I had a WORSE situation, if you can believe it. I offered to do calligraphy (for free) for a friend’s wedding and she said yes, but never got the addresses/envelopes to me. So I figured she didn’t want it. Then I heard that her MOTHER was saying I had reneged on the deal because my friend didn’t tell her mom the envelopes weren’t calligraphed because SHE wasn’t communicating with me, not because I reneged or anything! For her wedding, she had things shipped to her mom’s house. I never got a thank-you. So I called her. Over and over. Until finally I called her mom to ask. “Oh yes she got it. She said she sent a thank-you note…” Yeah, right. Not one of my friends got a thank-you. So fast forward to my wedding, I got a gift from her mom. And boy, did that thank-you go out like lightning!–I had to make her see that I’m not the one in the habit of dropping correspondence!
Post # 10
This is too funny!
In my family if you dont send thank yous you dont get gifts anymore. This is really hard for me because we got a wedding gift from FH’s aunt a few weeks ago and I am waiting until we get back from out DW to send thank yous with pictures from it. And I feel HORRIBLE i havent sent her a TY yet!
Post # 11
Can I also say that I love this thread because it’s nice to see people still value thank-you notes? There are a lot of people who wish the tradition would end. They’re not my favorite thing in the world to do myself, but it DOES mean something to me and I like that there’s a system that exists to have generosity acknowledged in a thoughtful way.
Post # 12
@moneypenny: hey don’t mess with us postal workers…. Lmao!!!! Seriously I was livid when I went to my job interview and saw all the beautiful wedding stamps… That no one told me about.
Post # 13
Ugh! I would be so annoyed toO!! We are ALMOST done with our thank yous and I feel awful that its been 2 months and they havent all gotten out!!
Post # 14
I think that people lack general manners now a days! Wow, I feel old, but seriously. Is it that hard to “politely decline” in a note or a phone call. Or send a thank-you card? I’m 24 and it seems like an obvious necessity to me…. but apparently not that obvious to everyone. lol