(Closed) Hi Bees I'm so frusterated lately

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am so sorry you’re feeling so down..honestly, if i had made an ultimate to my now husband i think we wouldn’t have been married as yet. He resists any kind of pressure in a very strong and stubborn way and i’ve learn to accept he has his own reasons and needs to do things at his right time. Sure, he should have told me WHY it took him 7 years to finally show me we were on the same line of thought and desire!!!!

Maybe it happens the same with your boyfriend. I wish i had asked mine, quite frankly “Is there any reason why we can’t decide on a date yet, why we don’t talk marriage/wedding more seriously?” If i did ask, i think he would have answered the truth and spare me many tears and sleepless nights..in the end it’s all down to communication. In our case, he felt he shouldn’t think about marriage when he was was under a tremendous finantial pressure. When things got a little better for his firm he felt relieved enough to talk back to me about marriage. There was no proposal. It was a kind of “Do we dare?When?”

Good luck, sweety. Ask him in a calm way and hope all goes well!

Post # 4
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Hugs! Breathe!

First I think you should lay off the marriage talk for awhile, it seems you’ve already made it very clear to him that its what you want to happen next year, so he knows.  You want a year to plan the wedding, meaning you need a proposal by this September/October…give him some space and time to make that happen for you and for you to enjoy it as a surprise.  You dont want a proposal forced as a result of arguments and nagging (unless thats what you really want). If i were you I would not mention wedding/marriage again for the next 2 months.  Be patient and optimistic, if nothing happens by October 31st then you have to decide what you would like to do about where things stand….

There is no harm in looking at houses if you really want a future with him, however, based on the fact that you two agreed that you both want marriage before moving in together, if I were you I would NOT buy a house together until at least an engagement and even then im skeptical because if he’s really stalling you then if you move in once you get the ring, this may delay the wedding/marriage even longer…he may not feel the need to take it any further for awhile (if he really is stalling).

Good Luck with everything, I hope it works out!

Post # 7
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@blueberries123:  I feel for you. But am affraid that I don’t have any advice, just letting you know you are not alone in this.

It’s really hard to push away the resentment feelings when they start creeping up. Specially in our age (I’m 32 myself and my SO is 37). Ive spent the whole Sunday and this morning feeling down (actually even cried a bit while falling asleep – thanks to another post on Facebook)

My SO’s work just got really busy and doesn’t look like he will have much time planning this special proposal that he is hoping to. He was looking at rings but haven’t found one yet. He promised me that he will propose in 2012, but he just isn’t planning anything. I can’t even get work out of our weekends, he is way to distracted with what goes on there. I am trying to be supportive best I can but it hurts. If he doesn’t end up doing it by the end of this year I think I’ll be really hurt.


Post # 8
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

“why would he need 2.5 years to know if I was the one”

I don’t think 2.5 years is that long when talking about love. People who have been married for 60 years say their love got stronger over time. People also mature at a different pace. You might be ready, but he might not be. If you’re not willing to wait, then that’s your choice.

Personally, I constantly feel like I love my bf more than he loves me. But I have hope that the longer we’re together, the more love he will feel for me. And when he feels for me what I feel for him, he’ll be ready to propose. 

Of course I feel like this today lol I’ve had my bummed days too. So cheer up and enjoy house shopping, and stop talking about marriage for a while. If he starts talking to you about purchasing a house (which you can tease him with lots of lovely pictures) you can subtley remind him that you won’t move in together until you’re engaged πŸ™‚

Post # 9
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013


Girl, I have been in your shoes. I could write a book on this. I am 36 and was with my bf for 2 years, not living together and was feeling the same way you are feeling.

@Happy Hopeful Bee: and @Rivendeler: gave some excellent advice here.


If i were you I would not mention wedding/marriage again for the next 2 months.  Be patient and optimistic, if nothing happens by October 31st then you have to decide what you would like to do about where things stand….

Exactly. I had set myself this exact deadline, except mine was in the spring! I told my bf I wanted some space to reevaluate the relationship. Granted, I didn’t do this in the calmest way, but I did it. Then I booked a vacation by myself, went out with friends, started feeling much better about myself and realized that I could have a happy life without him if need be. This is what you may need to do. Within 2 weeks he proposed.

Post # 10
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014


If its any consolation, im a waiting bee too! So i know the frustrations and the outside pressures.  BUT…this is just one of those things that you cannot make happen before it is time.  It will either happen or it won’t and unfortunately its all up to him…

Trust me, as a waiting bee I know the deal, but you cannot allow this to drive you nuts in the process! Focus on the good in your relationship, enjoy the times you two have together, realize that this is your final months as a single lady (hopefully you will be married soon).

Focus on enjoying you two as you are right now, be patient and be optimistic, remind him of how good you two are together and why he wants to marry you, have fun and enjoy your relationship.  Let a few months go by just like this, happy.  And then if still no proposal, revisit and decide what you want to do, and maybe ask him for a timeline and if he still sees you two getting married next year, BUT, do not have this conversation for a few months…give him some time to propose on his own.

Good luck sweetie! Trust me, I know how hard this is.

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