(Closed) Hi Camel’s Back. I’m the straw that’s gonna break you! (A little bit long)

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

Think about it this way, in one month your sister’s wedding will be over and hopefully then you will get your mom’s focus on your wedding. It seems that your mom feels your sister needs help more which is most likely a compliment to you because she knows you can handle yourself but I understand how it can be frustrating. I would hold out on confronting her until after your sister’S wedding. If you feel like your mom is still not helping you then I would call her up and have a conversation similar to what your wrote here. Let he know you get it that she’S busy with sister but that you are excited too and want her to share in your wedding planning now. Unless she is easily offended, I think an honest conversation is the best way to approach parents.

Post # 4
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you have a right to be hurt – you always have the right to feel what you’re feeling!

How you react is the important part.

Maybe you could talk to your mom about how you’re feeling? Say something like, “You know I’m supportive of Sister, and I want to help with their wedding stuff, but I’m working on my wedding too, and I feel hurt that you don’t seem interested in me anymore. I know it’s largely because of the timing of things, but I miss my relationship with my mom!”

Maybe set aside certain times with your mom just to focus on your wedding, and times just to focus on sister’s?

Otherwise, just hold out, because six weeks from now, it’ll all be over!

Post # 6
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Oh I’d be totally annoyed! And probably not handling it as well as you are! lol. The fact that she got pregnant and engaged and decided to get married before you is annoying, but at least it is like 9 months before you so it isn’t too close. Realistically it wouldn’t really be fair to make her wait until after your wedding just because you got engaged first, and it would probably be even more annoying if she set her date for like 1 mo after yours. 

But it would SUPER piss me off that your fam is totally ignoring your wedding at this point and that your sister is being snarky. Their attitude just seems rude and unsupportive. I’m in a similar situation in that my brother’s wedding is 6 months before mine and I’ve found it to be kind of annoying. I can rarely talk to my mom about my wedding without her bringing his up, and every family even is focuses on his wedding because it is closer. I find it really disappointing because my mom works in a school so she had this summer off and I thought she’d be able to help me with a lot of stuff since she had 3 months off… but that has really not been the case. But, I do at least feel like my mom tries to split her attention so i just chalk it up to bad timing. I think in your case I would probably just bite your tongue and focus on your sister’s wedding. Then after her wedding you can focus on yours and if your mom is still ignoring yours (bc of the baby or something) remind her that you gave your sister her time and you’d like the same effort and respect. 

Post # 7
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I dunno, I think there can be a way to say, “please focus on what I’m asking you for five minutes” before diving into helping with your sister’s stuff!

Post # 8
Member
2026 posts
Buzzing bee

I get this. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. When we were at about 4 1/2, both my mother and her ex-husband who I refer to as “dad” to all others, got engaged to their significant others of a year, ALSO less than a year of phsyically separating. Let me rephrase… My parents, split September 2008, both had new significant others within months, both engaged late 2009, early 2010, and my mother just married for a 3rd time 3 weeks ago.

You better believe I suffered from a severe case of, “it should be my turn! Why aren’t I the one engaged? Our relationship is so much better than there’s and we’ve been together for almost 5 years and bought a house…” and basically all the other things one could think of whilst watching her parents get everything she’s ever wanted in her relationship before the ink on their divorce papers was even dry.

You’re going to have those hard times where you want it to be about you, and your sister did definitely upstage you on this event, however, she’s rushing and doing it all the wrong ways and you’re not. Pinch your lips for 4 more weeks, and then the spotlight will be back on you again until the baby is born. I think you’re motto is perfect, and although it seems like you’re getting stepped on, in the end looking back you’ll be able to say “this was a rough time in my life, and I held myself together the best I could, and I’m proud of the way I handled it.”

Post # 9
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow. You sound a lot like me in terms of how mature you are and trying so hard to be the bigger person. You are handling it so well. While I’m sure a part of you just wants to have a small tantrum (and based on what you’ve described you have every right to!), I would try for at least the next weeks (until after your sister’s wedding) to just keep these rants to yourself/friends (or to this board :-).

I was in a sibling situation (not quite to the degree you’re experiencing) and I decided to keep things to myself because I would have regretting opening my mouth about how I really felt, because in hind sight, I don’t want my family to always remember how I had the situation. So I played the same “be the bigger person” mantra over and over again.

Did it work? Well, I’m still a bit resentful because I never received an apology, but the important thing was my parents didn’t find out that I actually did all the work, and my brother got half the credit. So I guess my advice is to keep up the mantra a bit longer. Sure, this isn’t going to be over after the wedding as your sister will have the baby, and the attention will still be on her. But, you can then point out after her wedding that you gave her the attention up to the wedding, but they’re your parents too, and you deserve some support.

Feel free to rant/vent on here! These bees are a supportive bunch 🙂

The topic ‘Hi Camel’s Back. I’m the straw that’s gonna break you! (A little bit long)’ is closed to new replies.

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