(Closed) Hi, I'm new! This is long!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
522 posts
Busy bee

@hannah425:  I’m confused. What are you doing to look for a job?

I see you talk about helping people wiht their wedding planning is that what you plan to go into?

Other than that it does sound like he really does plan on proposing. However, I would suggest trying to talk to him about it calmly and seeing if he can give you a geeneral timeline even if it’s just the next two years.

Post # 4
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@hannah425:  What else did he say when he called you crying? Saying he’s sorry without any plan or promise of actually moving forward doesn’t really mean anything.

I’m sorry you’re going through this 🙁 you sound like a really loving and understanding girlfriend, especially since you plan weddings for a living! There’s no way I’d be able to be as understanding as you seem to be while I was planning other people’s weddings!

I’m kind of in the same position..I’ve been with my bf for TEN years (off and on since high school..solidly together the last 4, living together 1), and it seems like everyone he knows is getting or has gotten married. ALL of his step siblings are married/engaged, and 2/3 are younger than him! ALL of them have been with their SOs for less time than us. I think that we just have to try our best not to concern ourselves with what’s going on in others relationships, because it really DOESN’T matter. But I definitely agree that with the commitment level you guys are at, having a serious conversation and setting a timeline are PERFECTLY acceptable and should be expected! I’m surprised it hadn’t already happened.

Good luck, lady! You definitely deserve someone who wants to FULLY commit to you, not just SAY he does.

Post # 5
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@hannah425:  I had to pause before I responded to this to make sure everything I will let you know will hopefully come across as my opinion and nothing more. And also that it might help you out.

I would like to know if YOU, YOURSELF is truly ready to be engaged, then married, then start a family. 22 is a young age. You’re not saying that you current work and you just seem to be around people who are getting engaged and or planning their wedding. I understand that you aren’t even thinking about your age and just thinking the 2 of you have been together a good amount of time for the next step, that I do agree on. But please do think if YOU truly are ready, because if you are, then there is nothing to think or worry about in that end.

Your story is somewhat similar to mine. When my Fiance and I started going out, he initially stated he didn’t think wedding are a big deal. Which I agree. And also that marriage isn’t what it’s supposed to be. So I initially thought, okay this guy doesn’t want to be married. The more I knew him, the more I understood why. His previous relationship was long and tulmotuous. They were never happy together, was happier apart but didn’t want to not be together until they finally did. We got close really fast and we became best friends. Only a few months being together, maybe 1-2 months, because we spoke or texted each other everyday and saw each other as much as we could, we got really close really fast. And by that time frame he would always talk about our future, family, kids, marriage. I told him that we shouldn’t rush things and just talk about that when we’ve been together at least 1yr. He never stopped and as time passes, the less he mentioned it. I am unsure if it was because I initially told him to stop mentioning it until we were 1yr together and became a habit or what. But after 2yrs of being together, I wanted to know where it was headed and what his thoguhts were about it. He said he still wanted the same things but wouldn’t really talk about it more than that. One day he was acting strange and since our schedules are very different, he asked me to force myself to stay up when he came home. I wasn’t even sure if I could because I was very tired from work. He came home and started acting very odd and kind of nervous. He was annoying me the whole time and kept asking, what is going on. You’re acting really weird. I knew something was off, but didn’t know what. I was too tired to really dig even further. He popped the question and we got engaged. He told me he has secretly been planning for MONTHS!!! And wanted to surprise me! Also, he had problems going ring shopping, as he didn’t want to tip me off. So when he heard me say something about getting an ering later than getting the wrong one, he decided to pop the question. I think we were watching a movie or something and I made a comment about it later on. I designed my ering all by myself and he said as long as I’m happy with it, so is he.

I understand how you feel and it’s a very unsettling and uneasy feeling of not knowing. And the reason why I am sharing you my story, which I tried really hard to concise. Is that, he might be over thinking things like my Fiance was doing. He loves giving me surprises, presents and he also said that he thought I might say no. So all by himself, he was just overly thinking on how to do everything and more and more. He said he has been fishing and observing what my thoughts were here and there and made notes. He knew I would want it to be private and NOTHING like in the movies where it looks overly done. After we got engaged, he mentioned that he has even spoken about this to his friends and asked for advice on the ring shopping.

I would suggest you speak to him and be open about how you feel on this. You might want to ask him if he does want to be engaged and be married. Giving him tips, pointers and showing him to the right path on what to do might be helpful for you both. You know him more than anyone else does. So you know how to approach him, how to deliver your message without coming across as pushed (like his ex) and making sure you get your point across without him feeling pressured like his ex did.

Good luck and I hope you update us!

Post # 6
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Honestly, I don’t blame you. The two of you have made a lot of sacrifices to be together, have combined a lot of assets, and have been together for a reasonable amount of time. I would be upset without a proposal as well. However, it might be that he just isn’t ready yet or is waiting to make your proposal special. I think is good to wait for as long as you’re comfortable doing so and it sounds as if your SO really loves you even if he isn’t quite on the same page as you as far as when to get engaged, married, etc.

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