Hi! NewBee here.

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@RhianfaHW:  Welcome to the Bee!  I know we have a large community of other Waiting Bees (waiting for proposals) who can probably relate to you and your frustratsions.  

Hopefully you’ll get a surprise proposal sooner rather than later!

Post # 4
Member
2581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@RhianfaHW:  I feel very sorry for your poor SO, renovating a house is stressful enough as it is! I know my Dad can get a bit dictatorial when he’s just trying to help out around the place – the way he expresses his affection is through taking charge and helping, and he can come across as a bit abrupt!

I think it might be good for the two of you just to take a deep breath, and sit down the two of you and discuss maybe what you are planning over the next couple of years. Maybe the stress is bothering you both because there isn’t a precise timeline? Once you two are on the same page, and certain in your ideas, it might be easier to handle the pressing for answers.

 

If he wants to propose now, would you both be happy for him to propose without a ring? If not, I know my FH managed to find a beautiful ring for not very much by browsing jewellers online – my ring actually came from an independent jewellers in Middlesbrough, through their website.

Alternatively, if you want to wait a while, maybe you could get something like a Terramundi money pot or something, and save up using that? I have one and am trying to put just pound coins in it. Apparently if you fill it with £1 and £2 coins only, it can hold anywhere between £500 and £800. It might be easier to save separately from the house that way, because it’s a bit of spare change at a time, and also because you’re not able to get into it until it’s full and you smash it open, so it’s ‘safe’ money.

 

I hope that helps, and best of luck with the renovations!

 

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@RhianfaHW:  It is SO EXCITING that he want to propose now! I’d sit him down, look over the finances, and see what home renovations can wait until after the wedding, and when he can start saving for a ring!

Post # 6
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Welcome to the Bee!

I think that both of you, maybe a little more you, need to say to your parents that you’re happy with the house as is.  You have other things that you want to save for and do.  It’s easy for other people to get carried away with the projects of others – especially when it’s not their money on the table!

Post # 7
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@RhianfaHW:  Welcome to the hive and the waiting boards! Your SO sounds very sweet, hopefully he’ll realize he can just put other people’s requests aside for now and decide genuinely want you/he wants to do first; regarding renovations and getting married.

I’m sure if he came to your dad telling him he wants to marry his daughter, your dad would forget all about the carpeting and be thrilled for you both!

Best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@RhianfaHW:  First of all, WELCOME TO THE HIVE!

I too found the waiting forums/wedding bee hive during a MELTDOWN.  I too have felt like, ‘now I’m done with school….I’m ready for marriage’.  You are not alone!

You love someone, you are past the initial honeymoon bliss that is the courtship of your relationship…AND NOW YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED lol!

Only problem–making sure that your SO is ready as well.

We are here for you, and happy to have you on as a newbee Smile

Please check out some of the stickies at the top of the waiting forums highlighed in yellow, such as Mr Bee’s advice to get married, and How to Handle the Waiting Period.

Look forward to chatting with you more in the future!

Post # 11
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@RhianfaHW:  PERFECT!!  Sounds like you just might not be a waiting bee for toooo long then!! Smile

Post # 13
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

Welcome to the hive 🙂 ! I am just sitting around waiting for the ring proposal. But we tell everyone we are each other’s fiance and have everything booked for the big day. The ring got stalled while it was being made (mold broke). I know my SO wants to still do an official proposal with the ring, because that is just how he is – but there are no hard rules here. You and your guy could always agree that it would work for him to decide to propose when he feels it will be right and after set a date to pick out a ring together. It is what would be fun and meaningful for the two of you. 

Post # 14
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Well, if your house is a livable state now, I think it’s time for your parents to back off and let you two make your own choices. That is, unless they helped to purchase/have a stake in the home.

You and your boyfriend need to sit down and talk finances, so the next time your parents go on about house renovations you BOTH can say “No, actually, our budget is pretty tight this year and we only have room for a few projects. When we’re ready, we’ll get back to you!”

But that’s part of owning a home… your funds get sucked up into fixing it up (if you want to fix it up). Is he going to freak out when you two have children (if that’s your plan) and they suck up all his funds, too?

This is a BIG talk that needs to happen before you get engaged. It’s a pain in the tuckus, but really smooths things over when you’re on the same page, financially.

And my last rule is… don’t get so wrapped up in planning a wedding before you even get to enjoy your engagement! It’s something that made things SUPER hard for us, until we took a break from wedding planning to just enjoy ourselves.

Anyway, good luck, OP!

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