Post # 1
i’m so glad i found this site! ok, D and i have been together for a year and a few months. things are wonderful between us, better than i ever dreamed a relationship could be! we have a love that equals family love, plus a sexual attraction! i have been in many long term relationships a couple lasted two years and one guy strung me along for 5 years and not only broke my heart, but also hurt me terribly afterwards when we were just friends. i have made it clear to D that i have had plenty of boyfriends, but never a connection like this. i’ve also told him that i am looking for a man who knows i am the one for him. and who will commit to me. at this point in my life i really need that committment. the confusing part for me is that he says things like “you’re my future wife” and stuff like that that, then turns around and says he’s not ready yet. he sure sounds ready to me. what gives?
Post # 3
ps. he has plenty of money, i know that’s not the problem. i’m almost 27 and want to be married before i’m 30! i told myself i would give each guy a year to propose and i’ve already stayed past that. i believe that if somone knows your yhe one they’ll make sure to lock you down. which is why the situation gets me down. is he truly not sure i’m the one even though he says he’s sure? i’m giving it 6 more months, but no more. i cry all the time over this ever since i realized i wanted to marry him around the 8 month mark. boo! oh and he’s 32
Post # 4
@Impatiently waiting: Welcome! My advice to you is to really think how long are you willing to wait for him. Based on your post, I think that the magic number is 2 years maybe 2 1/2 years .
I would also suggest that on your 1 year and half anniversary you have a talk with him and say the following in a gentle, not threatening way: ”
– I know who I am and I know what I want for my life. I want to share my life with you and I will NEVER change my mind about this. But if this is not what you are looking for, you need to be honest and fair to yourself and me.
– Please give me the courtesy of not giving me half truths and false hopes and say things like the following: a) I am your future wife. If you are going to say this, you have to seriously mean it.
b) I am not ready now but you never know what the future might hold for us- It gives me a sliver of hope but nothing definite that I can hold on. It still keeps me in limbo and I do not want to live like that.
Then give him some time to process and to think about. Good luck!
Post # 5
Try to be a little patient. I am 27 also, and I understand feeling the pressure to get married and have kids before we are too “old”. But I feel like a year isn’t really enough time (though i know every situation is different). The beggining of the relatonship is when everything is peachy, and get tough later on. My FI to be and I have been togther almost 6 years. We actually waited too long for us, but due to finances. I would give it till the 2 year mark and then have the conversation.
Post # 6
I agree that a year isn’t really long enough to start getting impatient about him not proposing. It is totally understandable that your boyfriend isn’t really ready to commit to forever after only a year. Although you are looking for a guy to commit to you, and I can understand that, its a bit unfair to impose your previous bad experiences of being strung along on your BF. He shouldn’t have to make a lifelong commitment before he is ready just because your previous partners have strung you along. Not to mention, it is not good for either of you for him to propose before he is ready.
I agree that the two year mark is a good place to start seriously talking about marriage. I wouldn’t doubt your bf’s feelings towards you, or whether he knows you are the one. Being able to say “you are the one” is a huge commitment in and of itself, but it doesn’t necessarily equate to being ready for marriage. As you’ll see on this board, most women are ready to marriage before (or LONG before, as is the case for some girls) their boyfriends.
Until then, welcome to the boards! it’s a great place for those of us who are waiting to be able to vent our frustrations and disappointments.
Post # 7
I agree with Krises- give your guy a little bit more time. I think after two years with nothing showing on his part than words is good to start moving on, but it sounds like he is headed there and just needs a little bit of time for him.
Post # 8