Post # 1
So the hubby and I are thinking of TTC soon but I don’t want any of my friends and family to know when we decide. I think it would be weird if people continually asked (or even wondered to themselves) if we were pregnant or not. Especially if turns out to be difficult to get pregnant. So here’s my question: how do you hide the fact that you’re TTC or pregnant?
When we go out with friends, everyone always has a drink or two, myself included. I feel like if I stopped drinking all together, people would notice. And what about things like eating sushi? Do you have to just pretend not to like the things you once liked?
Post # 3
I have heard that some types of sushi are actually ok, so you would just have to research that.
Some ideas about the drinking:
You could say that you were not drinking because you were on a diet and trying to get healthy and lose weight
Or you could lie and say that you are not feeling well.
Or on that note, that you are on antibiotics for a UTI and you can’t drink on that
Or say that you are being the sober driver for your husband
Or that you are trying to save $ (and not ordering alcohol makes your dinner bill cheaper)
It’s ok to drink when you TTC so you just have to worry about that when you are pregnant.
Post # 4
Being on here alone keeps me quiet! I’m able to bitch and moan and complain to women who UNDERSTAND and are Supportive as opposed to bitching and complaining to people who have NO CLUE.
I LOVED wine before I got pregnant. I knew I was pregnant 3 weeks before I took a pregnancy test because my favorite wine tasted disgusting. And as for sushi, I LOVED sushi, I made my own. Now, I can’t eat meat. At all. It makes me vomit. The things your body knows it can’t have it will have aversions to. It’s the natural way to protect the fetus. Just like how cigarette smoke never bothered me before, now it makes me gag.
Post # 5
I’m not a suchi eater or a drinker, so I didn’t really have problems with that. I did have a problem when a family friend was trying to force brie down my throat and I lied to her and told her I already had some.
My biggest problem when I got pregnant was hiding the fact that I felt like crap all the time. I get migraines so I would tell people I couldn’t go to dinner b/c I had a migraine, when really it was because I thought I’d puke at the dinner table. Pretty much there was a lot of lying going on, but worth it for me to not have to share before I was ready.
Post # 6
I completely understand how you feel! A friend of mine was telling EVERYONE that she was trying to get pregnant. It was all she talked about, down to when she was ovulating! Then, about 2 weeks after the whole world knew she was ovulating, she simply stopped talking about it, stopped ordering drinks, and has made up tons of excuses for not going out. So of course, everyone knows she is pregnant.
I won’t be telling anyone when we start TTC, just because I don’t want the scrutiny and I have no idea how long it will take or how easy/hard it will be for us.
One of the things I’ve realized is that YOU tend to think that people are watching your alcohol intake more than they really are. No one really scrutinizes anyone else’s drinks. So my advice- if you are out at a bar, order whatever you normally drink. Have your hubs take a big drink (discretely) and then just hold the drink. You can pretend you are sipping on it, and your husband can come up and take a drink every so often, or you can take it to the bathroom with you and pour some out. You could probably nurse a glass of wine (or a drink) the entire night and they won’t notice. You could also order water with lime in a short drink glass, and add a little mixing straw. People will assume it is alcoholic.
As for the sushi, maybe just try a few different cooked dishes. Mention that your co-worker said the chicken teriyaki was the best they had ever tasted, or you read online that their stir fry has won an award.
Post # 7
Here’s what we did. I was “not in the mood” for sushi for a while. Once we did go with some friends but I just got some noodle dish and no one thought anything of it.
About drinking- at people’s house I would accept a drink, take one sip and put it down on some table where it was “forgotten”. Going out was actually easier, either I ordered a drink and then hubby would go to the waiter and tell them to make it non-alcoholic, or I just got something else and it wasn’t a big deal.
Btw, as pp said, if people don’t know you are ttc, they will not be suspicious. Everyone we told was shocked, even those that had gone out with us, so don’t worry about it too much and good luck!
Post # 8
Ohhh good thread!!!
We started talking about TTC and having kids with our friends. Several of our friends had just had children and the other half of them are party animals. We are sort-of stuck in the middle.
I am surprised how rude people are when you just say “we think we will start trying in <insert month or year here>”. People don’t take you seriously or say “you can’t plan something like that”.
After people reactions, we have stopped talking about it to anyone. Ironically everyone asks us “when are you going to have children”. We just say that we have no decided yet.
We seem to be stuck in a catch 22
I am currently starting to “wean” myself off alcohol, coffee, seafood, and anything else that might we off-limits during pregnancy. I tell people that it is my New Year’s resolution to be healthier and treat my body better. That way I am not keeping track of lies and when I am pregnant, it is not a huge shock.
Post # 9
@rugulach: love this idea
“About drinking- at people’s house I would accept a drink, take one sip and put it down on some table where it was “forgotten”. Going out was actually easier, either I ordered a drink and then hubby would go to the waiter and tell them to make it non-alcoholic, or I just got something else and it wasn’t a big deal.”
Post # 10
On alcohol, I’d say you’re on a new diet (which you are!) Sushi, just order something else. They also have things like egg sushi. Ask about vegetarian options, and explain you’re just trying something new (which you are!)
For the record, I am getting this when I’m 6 months along…
Post # 11
If you are just going out to dinner there can be 100 excuses why you don’t want to drink. Spraquebride mentioned a lot of them that I have used and I wasn’t pregnant or TTC. If you are going to a bar and can order drinks without others hearing then try a cranberry and club soda. I have a friend who went through a period in college where she didn’t want to drink but also didn’t want to be asked so many questions while at a bar so she just used to nurse a cranberry and soda. And just cause people know you like sushi doesn’t mean that you always have to be in the mood for sushi. As long as you don’t go to a purely sushi restraunt you should be fine to order something else. And if you are losing weight as an excuse for alcohol, just say that the sushi has too many calories in the rice. But to be honest I don’t think anyone will notice, I know I don’t think anything of it if a friend doesn’t want a drink when we go out.
Post # 12
If you’re TTC I’d say just stick to a one drink maximum. That way you don’t have to worry about people asking questions and you can just nurse it all night.
As for sushi – I ate sushi but I’d get vegetarian and made sure to get it without any sauces (which can contain raw ingredients). Also a lot of sushi places have cooked options as well – just complain about a recent stomach flu and order something cooked – I doubt anyone would ask for any more details. Or order and “share” with your husband. In a big group most people wouldn’t keep track of what you were eating.
Post # 13
I’m having this issue at work at the moment so I know how you feel! It’s even gone as far as the girls in the office taking bets on when we’re going to conceive (we just got married in February).
As it stands I’m not telling anybody that I’ve come off the pill and if anybody asks I just tell them that it’s in the two year plan. I’m not usually that great at keeping secrets but I’m not even telling my Mum that we’re TTC.
The worst thing is my workmates and I all work together in a small office and eat lunch together so as soon as I make any changes or start feeling ill they’re going to know that something’s up. At the moment they’re inspecting the contents of my lunchbox every morning to see if I’ve changed what I’m eating!
If you want to get round the alcohol thing then just tell people you prefer to eat your calories rather than drinking them 🙂
Post # 14
I’m happy for you that you are deciding on trying 🙂
I can’t be much help in the sushi or wine department since I don’t eat much sushi and I don’t drink wine or beer.
But, I have already decided and have talked it over with SO that when we do try, because of health complications I know it will be tough and I already have it in my head if I get pregnant there is a high chance it won’t stick. So I’m not telling anyone anything even if I get a positive until I’m a few months along.
It’s a special moment for you and your SO to share before everyone knows! hehe I say keep it a secret!
Post # 15
i think if you’re TTC, there’s no reason to eat entirely like you’re already pregnant – it could take months to actually get pregnant and (for me at least) it could add to the stress over wanting to get pregnant. instead, i would just do everything in moderation. i would just limit sushi to every would once in awhile and stick to a one drink max. since you’re TTC, you will probably find out when you do get pregnant super early (if you’re tracking your cycles and taking tests) well before it has any impact whatsoever on your pregnancy.
Post # 16
@harmonyeee: THIS! :I think if you’re TTC, there’s no reason to eat entirely like you’re already pregnant – it could take months to actually get pregnant