Post # 1
So my future sister in law became a major nature person when she got together with her new boyfriend. She no longer shaves, wears deodrant, or washes her hair with shampoo. When we asked her to be in the wedding she said she would make an exception that day for my pictures. Now as we get closer she is the only one who has not come to a single event and declined anytime I asked for help or even just an opinion and today she tells me that she refuses to shave for the wedding. She said she needs to make a point. Am I wrong here for thinking my wedding isnt a day for her to make a feminism stand? IDK what to do. Do I even want to make an exception and let someone that has more hair then the groom be in my wedding pictures when she hasnt wanted to be a part of the rest of the wedding?
Post # 2
rblanton0307: It doesn’t seem right to force someone to alter their appearance or do something they’re morally against for your wedding – that seems rather selfish.
Post # 3
rblanton0307: Is she wearing a long dress?
Post # 4
If she’s in a long dress she should be fine, and if you’re worried about underarms maybe suggest an eco friendly deodarant like Toms of Maine…
Post # 5
No they are wearing short dresses. It is selfish of me, but its my wedding which is the one day and I can be selfish. She hasnt always been like this. This is the start of something new and I dont want to look down the road 20years from now and see her hairy armpits when she now has broken up with her boyfriend and shaves again.
Post # 6
I would ask her to step down as a BM because she hasn’t participated in anything, not due to the hair issue
Post # 7
rblanton0307: How many bridesmaid pics do you see where their arms are over their head?
Post # 8
I would assume you already knew this before you asked her to be in your bridal party, therefore you cared more about her presence than anything else, which is good. In that regard, I agree with SexyCatLady: you can’t force someone to change their appearance for you. I understand your annoyance, but you really can’t expect this out of her. If anything, might I suggest you ask your photographer to Photoshop her armpits in your personal pictures – but don’t alter the pics you wish to share with her and other family members as this might come across as offensive.
Post # 9
rblanton0307: Your right to be selfish does NOT extend to someone else’s appearance. What does your FI have to say about his sister and her appearance/presence in the wedding?
Post # 10
Photoshop if it bothers you that much. (I’ll be honest here, I’d be more side-eyeing the deodorant thing and standing a few steps away from her. Sweaty body funk is just….very unpleasant.)
Post # 11
She absolutely does not have to shave for your wedding. It’s her body and her choice. You can ask your bridesmaids to wear a specific dress and that’s about it. Whether she shaves or not is her personal decision–no one else’s.
And by the way, I am sure you won’t be able to tell she has hairy legs in any pictures.
Post # 12
rblanton0307: “She said she needs to make a point.”
Which may be the reason why she hasn’t backed out of your bridal party completely, despite her total disinterest, in your wedding. <br /><br />Not the time or the place. I think she’s being very disrespectful, of your wishes.
Reminds me of those threads where new parents want to take an uninvited baby to a wedding, for the main purpose of showing them off.
Basic hygiene – deodorant and shampooing hair makes sense. (I don’t think the underarm hair will show, unless she continually raises her arm, to “make a point;” it won’t reflect on you).
I guess you’re lucky she isn’t into naturism, although she might change, before the wedding …
Post # 13
stillme: Yep, it’s not a Victoria’s Secret shoot – the camera’s not going to be that close to her legs. What someone does with their own body is no one’s business but their own.
Post # 14
rblanton0307: yeah she totally doesn’t have to shave, or wear deodorant, or wash her hair with shampoo. she can still show up and look perfectly clean and put together without doing any of those things. i highly doubt that she will have a full on lumberjack look that day. plus, while it would be nice of her to have attended some of your events, the only day she’s really obliged to show up as a BM is the day of the wedding, and in the dress you chose.
asking her to shave for your wedding when it is something that she’s against (no matter how long she has been/will be against it) would be like asking your bridesmaid to pierce her ears so that you can have them all wear the earrings you love with their dresses. yes, it can be undone, but it’s still not okay to ask that.
also, yes it is “your” day to an extent, and you can be a little selfish, but there’s a difference between thinking of yourself on your wedding day vs. completely disregarding life choices of others.
Post # 15
I don’t think your wedding is the right occasion for her to “make a point”, but it’s her prerogative if she wants to shave or not. You could politely ask her to shower/wash her hair and wear nude stockings (although if she won’t shave her legs, she’s unlikely to wear stockings) on the day – if she refuses then it’s your choice to ask her to stand down or not.
Personally, it wouldn’t bother me so much. Other guests probably won’t notice and you can definitely photoshop that stuff out. Chances are you won’t notice the hair in the photos anyway.
But as PP have said, it would bother me that she hasn’t made the effort to attend any of your pre-wedding events. I would have a chat with her about it and ask if she’d be more comfortable with another role (doing a reading, being an usher?) instead. I wouldn’t regret choosing someone with a little fur so much as choosing someone who didn’t really support me during my engagement.