Hippy bridesmaid refuses to shave!

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

rblanton0307:  It doesn’t seem right to force someone to alter their appearance or do something they’re morally against for your wedding – that seems rather selfish. 

Post # 4
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If she’s in a long dress she should be fine, and if you’re worried about underarms maybe suggest an eco friendly deodarant like Toms of Maine…

Post # 6
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would ask her to step down as a BM because she hasn’t participated in anything, not due to the hair issue

Post # 7
Member
42549 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

rblanton0307:  How many bridesmaid pics do you see where their arms are over their head?

Post # 8
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

I would assume you already knew this before you asked her to be in your bridal party, therefore you cared more about her presence than anything else, which is good. In that regard, I agree with SexyCatLady: you can’t force someone to change their appearance for you. I understand your annoyance, but you really can’t expect this out of her. If anything, might I suggest you ask your photographer to Photoshop her armpits in your personal pictures – but don’t alter the pics you wish to share with her and other family members as this might come across as offensive. 

Post # 9
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

rblanton0307:  Your right to be selfish does NOT extend to someone else’s appearance. What does your FI have to say about his sister and her appearance/presence in the wedding? 

Post # 10
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Photoshop if it bothers you that much. (I’ll be honest here, I’d be more side-eyeing the deodorant thing and standing a few steps away from her. Sweaty body funk is just….very unpleasant.)

Post # 11
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

She absolutely does not have to shave for your wedding. It’s her body and her choice. You can ask your bridesmaids to wear a specific dress and that’s about it. Whether she shaves or not is her personal decision–no one else’s.

And by the way, I am sure you won’t be able to tell she has hairy legs in any pictures. 

Post # 12
Member
3713 posts
Sugar bee

rblanton0307:      “She said she needs to make a point.”

Which may be the reason why she hasn’t backed out of your bridal party completely, despite her total disinterest, in your wedding. <br /><br />Not the time or the place.  I think she’s being very disrespectful, of your wishes. 

Reminds me of those threads where new parents want to take an uninvited baby to a wedding, for the main purpose of showing them off.

Basic hygiene – deodorant and shampooing hair makes sense. (I don’t think the underarm hair will show, unless she continually raises her arm, to “make a point;” it won’t reflect on you).

I guess you’re lucky she isn’t into naturism, although she might change, before the wedding …

Post # 13
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

stillme:  Yep, it’s not a Victoria’s Secret shoot – the camera’s not going to be that close to her legs. What someone does with their own body is no one’s business but their own.

Post # 14
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

rblanton0307:  yeah she totally doesn’t have to shave, or wear deodorant, or wash her hair with shampoo. she can still show up and look perfectly clean and put together without doing any of those things. i highly doubt that she will have a full on lumberjack look that day. plus, while it would be nice of her to have attended some of your events, the only day she’s really obliged to show up as a BM is the day of the wedding, and in the dress you chose.

asking her to shave for your wedding when it is something that she’s against (no matter how long she has been/will be against it) would be like asking your bridesmaid to pierce her ears so that you can have them all wear the earrings you love with their dresses. yes, it can be undone, but it’s still not okay to ask that.

also, yes it is “your” day to an extent, and you can be a little selfish, but there’s a difference between thinking of yourself on your wedding day vs. completely disregarding life choices of others.

Post # 15
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t think your wedding is the right occasion for her to “make a point”, but it’s her prerogative if she wants to shave or not. You could politely ask her to shower/wash her hair and wear nude stockings (although if she won’t shave her legs, she’s unlikely to wear stockings) on the day – if she refuses then it’s your choice to ask her to stand down or not.

Personally, it wouldn’t bother me so much. Other guests probably won’t notice and you can definitely photoshop that stuff out. Chances are you won’t notice the hair in the photos anyway.

But as PP have said, it would bother me that she hasn’t made the effort to attend any of your pre-wedding events. I would have a chat with her about it and ask if she’d be more comfortable with another role (doing a reading, being an usher?) instead. I wouldn’t regret choosing someone with a little fur so much as choosing someone who didn’t really support me during my engagement. 

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