Post # 1
I can’t even believe I’m writing this.
My FI’s dad, let’s call him W, is a complete jerk. He always has been, always will be. I’ve known FI’s family my whole life and have always known him as the town a-hole. Fiance and W have had their fair share of problems but have always worked through them. W and his wife (FI’s step mom) don’t like me. I’m honestly not sure why, I think because I “stole” Fiance from them. W is the type of person who expects his kids to always be at his beck and call. Even when he treats them like shit.
Even though they don’t like me, I’ve always been treated okay when I’m at their house and haven’t had too many issues with them.
FI’s little sister told me a few years ago that they (W and his wife) make fat jokes about me when I’m not around. It bothered me at first but I let it go and honestly had forgotten about it. Until last night. I stopped by W’s house last night after I got off work because Fiance got a deer yesterday and wanted me to see it. FI’s little sister and I were inside while everybody else was in the garage and she was complaining to me about how drunk W was (not a surprise). She told me he was driving her nuts because he says such mean stuff when he’s drinking. I asked her what she meant and she said that before I got there they were trying to figure out what they were doing for Thanksgiving (this year will be the first time in 2 years they’ve done anything) and she told them they couldn’t have it on Saturday because I was going dress shopping for the first time. Well apparently later on in the Thanksgiving discussion something was said about Saturday and W said “we can’t have it then Sammers is going tent shopping.” When FI’s little sister asked what he meant he said “she has to find the tent she’s going to wear at the wedding.”
When she told me this I. was. crushed. I have lost almost 30lbs (from 260 to 230) in the last few months and was finally starting to feel good about myself.
I asked Fiance about it later last night. I wanted to know if he heard it and what he said about it. He said he did hear it but didn’t say anything. What?! At this point I don’t know what was more crushing, hearing that I’m going to need a tent or hearing my Fiance didn’t stick up for me. I asked him why he didn’t say anything and he said “you know how he is when he drinks. He’s an ass anyway but he’s way worse when he’s drunk. I knew if I said anything it would’ve started a fight.” DUH! I’m not worth fighting for?! When I tried explaining to him how I felt and why it was so much worse because he didn’t say anything he said the only thing he even thought to say was f*** you and he knew that would’ve been a bad idea.
I know Fiance was right. It wasn’t worth starting a family feud over. But still, I kinda wish he would have.
So now I have to figure out how to face them for Thanksgiving dinner. Where there will be a ton of food.. and I’ll be expected to eat but every time I take a bite all I’ll think of is the size of my tent. AND I now have to go dress shopping in less than a week and try not to think of the tent comment. How am I supposed to enjoy trying on dresses when all I’m going to picture is how big of a fatass I am?!
I just don’t understand why people have to be so damn mean..
Post # 3
Omg. I don’t really want to comment on this, but I am furious for you!!
Post # 4
You know what?
Don’t feel bad about yourself. Feel bad for HIM!
How miserable must he be, to be putting down other people like that? W clearly hates himself more than he could ever hate you. The best thing you can do for yourself is to recognize that and just pity him.
As for your Fiance, that would really hurt me, too. You guys should probably have a calm discussion about it later. He needs to understand that you guys are a team, a unit. And a slight against your honor is a slight against *his*, too. He needs to learn to calmly, but firmly, protect and defend you, particularly when you are not there to defend yourself.
Post # 5
@Sammers: I’m sorry, sweetite. They are thoughtless and rude. I’m just sorry.
Post # 6
What an ass.
I’m sorry your Fiance didn’t stand up for you. He probably has a hard time standing up to his dad in general.
Post # 7
That is HORRIBLE. You know who I’d REALLY focus my anger at? The sister. Yeah, dad is a jerk. That ain’t changing. But when someone tells you something bad someone else said about you, you really have to question their motives. Obviously she had to know there was NOTHING that could come of that except hurting you.
And I agree – I would want my Fiance to defend me. Fiance and I once had to have a *serious discussion* because one of his friends made a joke about “when was I due” (after I put on some weight) and I got REALLY upset.
People are awful. You are seriously going to look amazing – all you have to do is go look at all the full figured bride pictures here to know that. But what W did and what the sister did isn’t acceptable. I’m sorry.
Post # 8
Sorry I hit submit too soon. I understand your Fiance not wanting to start a feud, but there is a point that he needs to stick up for you so they can see how serious this really is. “W” is like the family bully. He won’t stop because no one has made this a concern, and also because he keeps getting the reaction he wants. Fiance needs to stand up and glut W in his place
Post # 9
Wow, that was totally uncalled for. I’m not really sure why his sister chose to share the comment with you either though. That seems like the type of thing that’s best kept to oneself to spare embarrassment.
I don’t think it’s worth starting a family feud over either, but I think your Fiance should at least have made it clear that that kind of thing’s not appropriate too. A simple “Sammers will be buying a wedding dress, not a tent”, or even just a “that’s completely inappropriate”, or a “don’t be ridiculous, she’s going to look beautiful in her wedding DRESS” would have been sufficient.
Post # 10
What an a-hole. I don’t blame you for wanting your Fiance to back you up. Maybe he doesn’t need to say eff off, but perhaps he should try to sit down with W and have a heart-to-heart?
As for thanksgiving dinner, you enjoy the holiday and don’t let that scum bring you down. Eat, drink, be merry. And when dress shopping comes up, say something sarcastic about tents 😛
And as for trying dresses on, you will be beautiful! I am also around 230, and I looked freakin hot. You will too!!
Post # 11
First of all, that is awful I am so sorry. Second, you FI’s little sister should not have told you. You did not need to hear that. Third, try to go easy on your Fiance. I understand his thinking that there is no point in saying fuck you to a drunk person. His Dad is obviously an a-hole and I think you should forget his comment. Congrats on the weight loss btw, keep it up!
Post # 12
What an asshat. I’m sorry you had to go through that. And congrats on the weight loss!
Post # 13
@joya_aspera: You’re completely right. Part of the reason his dad and step mom don’t like me is because I’ve encouraged him to find his voice when it comes to dealing with them. That’s one of the reasons I’m not angry with him for not standing up for me. He apologized and knew he should’ve but his dad is extremely controlling and has a very dominating personality. Fiance isn’t like that at all so he kind of lets his dad push him around.. like I said, they’ve definitely had their issues.
Post # 14
@NAvery: I agree. Wtf is wrong with the sister?! Why would you ever repeat such a nasty thing that someone said?!
Post # 15
@NAvery: His sister is only 15 so I think she thought she was just looking out for me. I don’t think she understood exactly what she was doing by telling me about it.
If she was older, I would definitely be upset with her too. But at this point I think she’s a little too young to get it.
Post # 16
I’m not really sure why W would say these things, but I’m more confused why Future Sister-In-Law comes to you and tells you things that are only going to hurt you.
I get the feeling W picks on your weight and makes fat jokes because there’s probably not much else he can think of to make fun.
Honestly, I wouldn’t go there for Thanksgiving dinner. And, I don’t care if it started a family feud to stand up for you. Who needs enemies when you have a family like that?
ETA: Just read that she’s only 15. You’re probably right, she probably doesn’t understand this is hurtful and not helpful.