Post # 1
While the FH and I were at the house of two of his friends for a ‘couples night’, I noticed, hanging up on the wall, a group picture (or should I say ‘clique’ , but that is another story) . It’s an older picture taken years before my FH and I met, and in it, he is hugging his ex girlfriend.
Mind you, If I were in their place, I would be afraid of offending somebody in my place and would therefore take the picture down. BUT, that’s me and I know not all people react or handle things the same way.
What do you all think?
EDIT: please note, that I mentioned below that I am NOT OFFENDED . . . just a tad bothered because these friends have yet to acknowledge or include me in anyway (which is, of course, a real issue.)
Post # 3
I would be upset too .. but probably would keep it to myself. Thats just the way I am.
Post # 4
That sucks, but they might have just not thought about it. It’s probably been there for years. I know after awhile, I stop noticing details about what I have on my own wall. Unless they’re malicious people, I’m sure they didn’t mean anything by it.
Post # 5
I think it is silly to be offended by something like a picture hanging on the wall that was taken way before you came into the picture. It is a memory; probably a good one and whether the picture is on the wall or not, the memory will always be there. I would not be offended at all. You have a new life with your FH now; making new memories, so my advice is not to worry about it. Personally, I would not go around and change all the pictures on my walls and/or in my home, depending on who was coming to visit.
Post # 6
i just feel like the past is the past. if it were not for our pasts and the previous people in our lives, we would not be who we are today.
it’s normal for people to have ex’s, and alot of times little pieces of those people stick around.
it would be different if that photo was up in your FH’s house, but it was his friend’s. that person probably appreciates the fact that there is a photo that has a lot of the people he loves in it, and wants to keep it up. i bet no one really pays attention to the fact that your FH’s ex is in it except for you.
Post # 7
The first time my FI came over to my parents house, the picture of me and my ex at the prom was still on the bookshelf. I think my FI made a joke about it. I don’t really see the big deal. He’s not with her anymore and proposed to you. Are you self conscious because there is some sort of clique you don’t think you are a part of yet?
Is that really fair that they have to remove the picture everytime you go over there and then put it back up when you leave?
Post # 8
I might be in the minority here, but it wouldn’t bother me. If it was FI’s home or his parents’ home then yeah, I’d be annoyed. But since it is an old friend, I don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m fully aware that FI had a life before he met me and that it included other women and I’m fine with that.
Also, perhaps his friends actually liked the ex-girlfriend and still keep in touch? Maybe they consider her their friend and thus enjoy having her photo in their home?
Unless these friends are generally rude or dismissive of you or do not respect your relationship, I’d say woo sah and just let it go.
Post # 9
I agree with PP. I’m sure the friends weren’t trying to hurt you. I know that in group shots I wouldn’t take it down just because one person is in it that is no longer in the group. LOL this could tie into those please step out of the family picture posts too.
Post # 10
I don’t recall writing that I was offended. I did, however, write that I would not keep it up for I would be afraid of offending somebody else. Like I wrote, it’s a big group picture and ‘all’ the friends are in it. They also have a wedding pic of friends of theirs that are in the process of getting a divorce.
A few days ago I reminded one of my girlfriends to remove the saucy pics of herself and her ex boyfriend from her Facebook page so as not to offend her new boyfriend (BUT this, I must admit, is incredibly offensive.
Never the less, that picture would not last on the wall in my home if the new woman was a frequent guest.
Post # 11
I don’t think it would bother me that much. I might feel a slight twinge of jealousy, or some thing like it, but I would not be at all offended. It was a group picture of an experience they all shared together. If it was just a shot of him and his ex I may find it a little strange.
Post # 12
As I wrote above, I am not offended, but maybe a bit bothered because, no, I am not a part of the group and am more like just the woman my FH brings along when we all hang out. That for me is more of an issue.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t be upset by it or ask, or expect for them to take it down. If it’s a nice picture of all the friends, then it’s kind of rude to expect them to get rid of a picture of all the friends because there was someones ex in it.
I can see being upset about it if it was like, a picture of your FH and his ex making out or something.
Post # 14
@stacycats: I wouldn’t be offended. It’s an old picture of him before you met him. You can’t be pissed about that. If it’s a group picture, they probably like seeing their friends. I know I wouldn’t remove it.
Post # 15
Personally, i wouldn’t be too offeneded. it happened before he even knew me, so i can’t be upset. DH on the other hand…one of my ex-boyfriends hung around the same group we hang out w/ now, and he gets PISSED if they even bring up his name, or bring photographs around (he gets mad at me, but i NEVER bring it up, ever)
Post # 16
@stacycats: i read your post clearly and i understand you are not offended by it. but you think its odd (if that is the right word?) that they keep the picture up knowing that you come over to their place from time to time. and i am like you. i am conscious of these things and i would take down pictures as needed. i have so many pics, that sometimes i even switch older pics for new one just for the heck of it. so basically i get what you are saying and i think the same way you do. guess not everyone does!
also, if i were you, i WOULD be a little bothered/offended by it. i certainly wouldn’t say anything to anyone because it is their house, their walls and their pictures. But feelings are feelings and they are what they are. i would be bothered simply at the sight of seeing my FI’s arms around another girl! LOL, i am possessive of him and he knows it. it goes both ways. I know he had a life before me, but i don’t need reminders everywhere i go of the other women that were in his life before me!