Weddingbee boards

So I will give you a brief rundown. When Andy & I were dating I found a bunch of stuff still in his house that was suppose to be from his ex Misty that he told me he had not  been with for about 6 months. I hinted around alot at him to throw it out and he never did. So when I moved in we had petty little arguments for a while about me not throwing perfectly good stuff like that away. It was stuff like her shampoo, body lotion, shaving cream, perfume, hairbrush,  tampons & pads , blowdryer, sunglasses, a black dress & a few other little random things like this. He told me I was just being silly by wanting to throw all those "perfectly good" items away. Even told me I could use them & told me if I wanted to that he had bought the black dress for her to go to the firemans ball and that I could wear it if I wanted to. I was very upset by the fact that he could not see how hurtful these things were to me & why I would not want them or want to use them. So i caught him gone one day and threw them all out. He didnt seem to mind or even notice for a long time. Well when we were doing a little more cleaning and organizing I found lingerie in a Victoria Secret bag & I said i dont know what that is but I dont want it here. He has the nerve to say he had bought it for his ex but never gave it to her ... it even still had the tags on it he kept it because he thought I might like it.  We had a long talk about how this sort of thing upset me and that I wanted him to make sure the was nothing else in the house that I could find of this nature that might upset me.

Well he looks me in the eye and assures me that he got rid of everything when we first got together except that there is a tape  of him and his ex made that he had no idea what happened to it. He didnt know if it was gone or could possibly still be in the house.

Well it wasnt long after that that I was checking his email....he has a local eclassified account and we were selling some items and i was checking it to respond to the messages we were getting. But anyways I will admit I was being nosey.... but I found alot of saved emails (yes while they were old and before we actually got together) they were well dirty emails between him and his ex. I also found emails sent back from forth between him and the girl before his ex  Her name is Charley that he claimed to have  been lonely and made a big mistake and that she was an old friend but they slept together a couple times and that it meant nothing. Well i found email correspondence between the two of them where he was telling her that he loved her and all of this stuff.

Well I deleted it and then after i cooled down about it I questioned him and he used the excuse of he didnt realize that he kept any of them. He also told me that he thought that he might have loved Charley but it didnt take him long to realize that it was just the loneliness talking.  I asked him one more time if i was going to find anything else & he looked me square in the eyes and swore to me that was it except for that possible video.

We have had a big problem with his EX Misty. Since his birthday back in August she has been contacting him. She asks him ever so often if he is single & asks if they can be friends again & makes up excuses to call him & contact him. I was a little upset to find out that he has a car loan for her & insurance on it for her. He says she pays it  through a shared bank account but that bothered me that he didnt come right out and tell me about it.  First let me say he said they had a horrible relationship , they were together 2 years and he said all she ever did was lie and use him and he was miserable and kept it going as long as he did because he loved her kids. But anyways She would call him and ask him if they could still be friends and all of that and he wouldnt really say much to her he would just give her casual little answers that bugged me bc he wouldnt just say I dont want you in my life leave me alone. Even though this is what he would tell me he wanted. So one night he got a text and didnt want to answer it so i did and she had  sent him pictures of herself with a love song playing. I text her back a couple of times and then I just went over the edge and was so sick of her crap I called her and then she started telling me that he cheated on me with her & all of this and how she has spent so many nights with him when we were first together and how he would tell her that he was dating me but didnt see it working that I was not the type of girl he wanted to be with. Well .... I was being defensive but it was killing me inside bc i was believing her... I started questioning her & her timeline was off the months she was talking about wasnt adding up we were not together there.. but he did date another girl named Amanda (thats my name) about 2 months before we  really started talking about being a couple (we known each other for 2 yrs i knew him when he was with his ex Misty).(She started out their realationship by lieing to him about being married for 3 months) and the whole time they were together for 2 years she never did finalize their divorce & would run home to him all the time)

Well he later admits to me that even though they had been broken up for over 6 months they had been sleeping together about twice a month until the month we started talking as more than just casual friends. Now i have no doubt that since he was in his accident about a month after we started dating that he could not have been with her because he was laid up in bed for 3 months (& she didnt know about that at all) and i have been with him every day since then

She even tried to call him again the other day and he didnt answer then she sent him a couple of emails.. that was appologizing for how she acting and talking about wanting them to be friends and needing him in her life & telling him random stuff about herself and her life.

Well it was not just about a month of ago he was looking through some of his older pictures on our computer and i noticed him quickly close them out when he came to a picture. I let it slide & then one day i went looking to see what there was. I found some half naked pictures of Charley, I found pictures of Charley kissing another girl in a hottub. I found pictures of where someone had taken pictures of there hand on his crotch in the car , I found a video that had no sound of him talking then someone putting their hand down his pants in the car and well it didnt get too graphic but... I found a bunch of pictures of trips he had taken with this girl.  SO I just delete the innapropriate ones and dont say anything about it.

Well a couple weeks ago  i am looking through his pics to put some pictures on my facebook that we took at the park and i find another folder and it has all the pictures i just deleted and a few more i hadnt see in it.I delete them again.

Well today I was looking for a flashdrive... & he usually keeps one in his laptop case so i was looking around and i found a couple of my daughters dvds stuck in his laptop case so i starting looking through all the other disk to see if there was any we were missing & that is when i find a Disk called Misty's Hot Pics & one called Fancy Free Pool table. Well of course I just had to look to make sure i wasnt just jumping to conclusions & yes in deed it was hundreds of pictures of him and his ex Misty.. well and as the title is to say some of them were not appropriate. I also find alot of document files ( i find a journal) non of which i read until i find one Called our "Fancy" Trip... this peaked my curiosity. He wrote about trips him and Misty had taken to a nearby tourist area and stayed in a cabin called fancy free then made a movie on the pooltable... So i guess that was what was on the other disk.

Now i understand that sometimes you still hold on to some feelings from ex's, sometimes they touch your lives in ways that you are forever grateful for. But I feel this is not the case with this. It is like he is holding on to reminders of the sexual aspect of their relationship. I am so upset by this I feel heartbroken. This is the second time my heart has been broken because of this woman.  I confronted him about it today while he was at work and he thinks I am just being crazy saying he didnt do anything wrong and that I am holding his past against him. He just uses the excuse that he had no idea that all of this was there .

I feel though that he lied to me, I feel like he was hiding it all from me & telling me he got rid of it all. I feel like that even if he did think it was gone he should have respected me enough to make sure it all was so i wouldnt be hurt by it again.  I personally feel like he is still holding on to the past with her, I feel like he is to nice to her and wont just tell her that he wants her out of his life once and for all  & i dont know why.He has an ex wife that  he had dated since they were in middle school and I know he use to love more than anything until their marriage went sour & yet he doesnt have pictures or anything like this of her because he is over her.

He claims he is over his ex and the other girl  and that he wants nothing to do with any of them. I still feel very hurt. I want her out of his life completely & it is like he doesnt seem to want to be stern enough with her to take the steps to make this happen. Even though he claims this is what he wants. Honestly I feel so upset over this it is making me second guess marrying him. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND WHY HE DOESNT JUST PUT AN END TO ALL OF THIS WITH HER!

Am i overreacting? Am i just being silly and holding his past against him? How would you handle this situation? Has anyone been through anything similar?

Yes we are engaged about to be married in July. They broke up almost 2 years ago .... their relationship ended not long after we had met (we didnt get together as a "couple" for a while after that but). I guess we have lived together since Sept of this year so i have found everything since then & she has been contacting him since then too. The stuff on the computer has all been recent like withing the past weeks and then Today even. She just contacted him again like 2 days ago & then again lastnight.

I have all of his Passwords to all his stuff online & he has mine, I have access to his phone if i wanted to look at it, I have access to our phone account online.

I truely in my heart believe that he does not have anything innapropriate going on now. I just dont understand why he wouldnt throw that stuff out?? I realize we all have stuff like that from our pasts but when a relationship is truely in the past I think there is a code of things that you just shouldnt have around, out of respect for your any prospective or new love intrests I had alt  Why keep it? And why cant he just man up and stop being so nice and beating around the bush &  tell her flat out I dont want you in my life leave us alone.

Now let me clarify.... a couple of things... in his defense... the items i have found on the computer they are all OLD items like things dated from  2006, 2007,2008, but WHY are they still around? YEARS LATER???. Expecially when I know the kinda hell this woman put him through and how miserable she made him.

Also he is not a man whore, this I know i truely believe him when he tells me he has only been with 4 women. His wife was his first, then this Charlie Woman who was a longtime friend he grew up with her and her 3 other sisters ( i know people who knows them both... I know there is nothing going on with them now, we saw her the other day and you could tell there was alkward tension there for both of them.) & he was with his ex Misty for 2 years( everyone can vouche even his family for the hell she put him through) then he said after that relationship ended he dated this girl Name Amanda for about 2 weeks but things just didnt click with them. Then him and I decided we really liked each other more than friends.

Well he got rude with her that one night she called causing alot of problems about saying he had cheated.  Telling her to never call back that he didnt want her in his life, there was no reason for them to talk and that was just being a liar trying to cause probelems for him.

BUT when she contacted him the other day via email making small talk ... asking him the same question she asks him every  few months (can you tell me how much i owe on the jeep?) he just sent her the basical info just copied it and pasted it off the account... well she sent this long email appologizing for fighting with me blah blah blah lets be friends we had such a good friendship etc.... he just deleted it. Well i see that he replied back to it saying I accept your applogy but please just leave us alone.

I feel like he is just being too nice with her and he is just fueling her fire

@his barista... I know that is what bothers me the most... i found the other things in a different folder... but I dont know if he had put them back or had two copies of them on there already. But like I said it was all the same pictures plus a few others I had not seen.

Where i didnt even tell him i deleted him I didnt ask him if he put them back on

Well I pretty much told him today that I felt as if he was still holding on to at least part of their relationship & that it really bothered me.

I told him that until he found a way to fully get over it and move on and burn that bridge completely that I could not marry him.  I told him that I was sorry that it had to come to me asking him this but that if he intended to spend the rest of his life with me he needed to have no ties to her at all including financially. I wanted all of their bridges burnt so they would have no reason to ever speak to one another again. I told him that until he did that I did not feel like he was committing himself to me 100%.

Apparently She could not get a car in her own name. So he financed one for her in his name A 2007 Jeep Wrangler. They have a joint account (he doesnt ever put money in it, but she puts money in it & he pays her car payment and insurance from the money she puts in) As far as I know she has not missed a payment since we have been together. She keeps caling him asking him for the payoff amount every month or so. He keeps telling her she needs to have it put in her own name & she says she is going to but a month or more goes by and here she is asking for the payoff amount again. I think she has no intentions of putting it in her name & that she just keeps saying that and calling asking for payoff as an excuse to contact him.

When i confronted him he jut says that he didnt know there was anything there that he thought he got rid of everything except that one missing tape that might be lingering around.He asked me today where i found these things because he knew there was nothing on his laptop because he made sure to clear it out months ago. He has never in the slightest seemed mad that I threw anything out.

He also has me check alot of stuff for him and I have access to all of his accounts. He doesnt mind to check emails or text messages from her right infront of me or take phone calls right infront of me. So i dont think anything is currently going on.

I do not have any redflags about his fidelity since we have been together but I just dont know why he would hold on to these things. It just makes me wonder if he has fully gotten over her.

From my understanding the car is soley in his name.... not in hers at all.... He says he  has her pay it this way so he knows she is paying it on time and it is not late. I guess it makes sense but i still dont like it

he actually sent me a text a few minutes ago that said to check his email that he had sent misty and email.... I just still feel like he was being to nice & it really bugs me that he refered to me as his Girlfriend... yes i might have been his girlfriend when it happened but I have been his Fiance for almost 3 weeks now!

This was the email he sent her that was in his sent box: