(Closed) His ex wife had the same first name as me…..

posted 6 years ago in Names
  • poll: Should I take his last name or hyphenate or keep mine? Dont want to have the same name as his ex.
    Take his last name only and share it with his ex. : (52 votes)
    51 %
    Hyphenate our last names, 10 letters and 6 letters. : (32 votes)
    31 %
    Keep my unique last name, 10 letters. : (18 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would say either hyphenate it or could you maybe take your maiden name as your middle name and then use his last name? I’m not sure if that would really change your dilemna though =/ Side note: why hasn’t she changed her last name yet?? And do they still keep in contact for some reason like children? If not and she is just a part of his long ago past, I would say not worry about it and take his name with pride

    Post # 5
    Member
    11397 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    My papaw was married to my mamaw for many, many years. Her name is Mary Katherine (my name also.) His lady now of longer than 12 years has the same name… Mary Katherine. It doesn’t bother her but she goes by Kathy.

    If I was you I would not let it bother me.

    Post # 6
    Member
    11397 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Also she went by Kathy before she met my papaw. It had nothing to do with my mamaw having the same name as her.

    Post # 7
    Member
    346 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I can understand how you feel but I don’t think its that big of a deal. So what she has the same name but she doesn’t have the man. Don’t let her affect how you wanna go about your life. If you wanna take his name take it and have it with pride. You are his soon to be wife and present and future. 

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I would still take his name.  You’re the one that will be his wife – who cares what anyone else’s name is!?!

    Post # 9
    Member
    2263 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Do what makes you feel comfortable with the name you have. Own it! After all it’s your name too. 😉 

    Post # 10
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I know this is unconventional, but could you take his last name as your middle name and keep your maiden name?

    Post # 11
    Member
    571 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I would hope she would change her last name back to her maiden, hoepfully she does in the future.  It can be a bummer to have the same name as your FI’s ex, my FI’s ex and I share the same first name, he never married her, but it was still a bit annoying at first.  I say just move past it, take the name as your own, and own it with pride. Don’t give the “other one” any power over you and taking your husband’s name if that has always been what you’ve wanted to do when you get married. I also have a unique last name that is 10 letters long and am a bit sad to part with it but it will always be a part of me even if I do have a new married last name 🙂 Good luck!

    Post # 12
    Member
    746 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My mom has the same name as one of my dad’s sisters, which is kind of funny because it’s not that common of a name. And one of my dad’s old girlfriends had the same first name also – so weird.

    If I were you, I’d keep my name. Maybe make his last name your new middle name?

    Post # 14
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @janetsnakehole:  umm  I think you’re giving too much power to his ex if you let a coincidence keep you from taking his name, which is obv important to him—maybe you could change your first name a bit–like go by jen if she went by jenny–I’m not sure how long ago they divorced but it seems that it’s been enough time that people won’t be confused….

    Also she is in no way obligated to legally change her name back…..that’s out of your control—if she is still using his last name on fb that’s a bit odd…but it took awhile for me to legally change my name after divorce, it’s kind of a hassle–people think *poof* you’re divorced and go back to your maiden name, not true

    Post # 16
    Member
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @janetsnakehole:  I’d just do what you’d have done if her name was different. If she’s in a LTR with some guy she’s living with, she is probably going to marry him (or the guy she cheats on him with 😉   before long.

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