- 8 years ago
- Wedding: February 2011
Aggh. Do I contact my FI’s ex who is also my ex friend about annulment papers or not?
Liz (not her real name) worked with/for me several years ago and we became very good friends. I got to know her husband a bit, but he rarely attended our outings. After several years, Liz developed a close friendship with an online person and met him at an event. When she got back from the event she told me she felt she was in love with this person. I was shocked as she never had anything negative to say about her husband. Turns out she just didn’t really have any feelings for him anymore. She talked to her husband and he immediately moved out. She took a few days and then filed for divorce to be with the new guy. After a few months she left the job and state to be with him. We kept in touch a bit through chats and email, although not to the level we had been, both because of distance and because she changed quite a lot with the changes in her life.
I ran into her now ex-husband about 8 months later and we started talking, I realized that he really was a great guy and I took a chance and sort of asked him out. We hit it off right away and despite many comments about this being weird (how we met), we have been together ever since. (a little over 4 years).
Liz came back for a visit when we had been dating for 3-4 months. I called her before she came and explained that we were dating and she was fine with it. I spent the day with her and it was weird. She was different and the new guy was annoyed that we were talking about people from work that he didn’t know. We did not talk about FI at all, but I still felt very guilty cause I knew he was very uncomfortable with us hanging out together. I felt stuck in the middle cause I wasn’t enjoying the visit, but I didn’t have any way to avoid it (she came to work and then wanted to go out for the afternoon cause she knew I had off). I didn’t want to be rude as she left on good terms with me.
I felt bad but just didn’t see this friendship continuing, so I replied to one of her rare emails and told her that I felt disloyal to FI when I talked to her. I was only getting very rare emails from her at that time and FI was becoming such a big part of my life that it was hard to avoid the topic. That was about 2-3 years ago. I still hear about her through a few mutual friends, but that is it.
FI and I got engaged at Christmas and he needs some basic information to file for an annulment so that we can be married in the church. He emailed her mom hoping to not involve her as the answers he needed were nothing personal, just her current address, if she had remarried, and where she was baptized. Her mom answered him politely with the fact that she forwarded the email to Liz to answer.
I feel bad and I am not sure what protocol is here (is there one?!). I feel like finding out about our engagement though a forwarded email is kind of harsh, although I suspect she won’t care at all. I wonder if it would be better if I contacted her myself, but then I feel like I am only reconnecting because I want something from her.
Should I friend her on facebook and see what she does? Or let sleeping dogs lie and just see if she answers FI? (He can file the paperwork without her info, but it will take longer and we can’t plan the wedding until it’s done)