Post # 1
My fiance is from the UK and his family ( mom , dad and etc) may not be coming and Im actually 99% sure they arent coming. They havent booked any tickets or have been talking about the wedding. I think they are afraid to tell us that they wont be making it bc of money. The reason Im so upset is that they knew about our wedding since June of last year and just spent the equivalent to a hotel and flight on christmas gifts for their grand kids. I am very upset but my fiance is trying to down play the issue and say … ” if they cant afford it then we cant get mad” my point is that they had more than enough time to save so I dont want to hear that card being pulled….
No word from aunts and uncles and his brother will be coming because its in Miami and for him is a win win ….
Post # 3
@Milan21xx: How exactly do you know that they spent the equivalent on xmas presents? I am a thrifty shopper and often spend far less on presents than their retail price.
Regardless of whether you think they have had long enough to save or not at the end of the day it is their decision what to do with their money. Maybe to them buying gifts for multiple grandkids for xmas is better money spent than one return trip to Florida.
This is just something that one has to accept when they plan their wedding, especially if there is travel involved for guests. Some people may not be able to make it. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you, it doesn’t mean that they have something against you, your FI or your marriage, it just means they cannot attend your wedding.
Post # 4
its not just a matter of flights, im assuming staying in miami is incredibly expensive too…hotels, food, expenses =( i find it hard to believe they spent an equal amount of money on gifts. US is one of the more expensive holiday destinations particularly as im assuming there arent all inclusive hotels
suggest they look at thomas cook, its really good value for travel. flights from 18th-28th april are around 605 pounds (i guessed the dates just to find out approx how much it is). my uk family used the website to arrange things for my mexico wedding!
Post # 5
@Milan21xx: I pretty much could have written that exact post! My fiance is from Ireland, and his parents haven’t bought their plane tickets yet either … and they’ve known about our wedding for OVER a year now! They say they’re for sure coming, but I don’t see how they’ll manage if they can’t even afford their plane tickets yet, never mind accomodation. I hope they figure it out though, for my fiance’s sake!
Post # 6
Destination weddings, which is what this is for your in-laws, ALWAYS come with one HUGE risk — people won’t be able to or won’t want to go. You have to accept that. This is a huge investment for them — their time, their money, their time off work, their energy etc. and you can’t really be mad at them for not being able to OR not wanting to go. (You can be mad at them but in my opinion, you shouldn’t).
Maybe you should have two weddings OR a wedding in the US and then a reception in the UK. Would that be a nice compromise?
Post # 7
Only two family members from my FI’s side are coming to our DW wedding. I’m not upset about it- we invited the whole family and if they can or can’t make it, it’s ok! It’s our special day and nothing wil make it any less than perfect:)
Post # 8
If someone cannot afford something, they cannot afford something. Saying “But they’ve had X months to save up!” is unfair. What if something came up? What if they had unexpected expenses?
The world does not stop for your wedding — family or not.
It really blows that they can’t come. I’d be saddened if my family or his family didn’t come to our wedding (They have no excuses, though, considering it will be in the same town his parents live in and mine live one town over) but if they can’t afford it.. unless you’re willing to pay for them to come, there isn’t anything you can do. People have lives. People have expenses.
Post # 9
@j_jaye: The reason why I mention Christmas is because they said openly that they spent 2k on gifts for the grandkids and the flight and hotel package I found ( cheapest) for two is $ 1100……
@newname_99: I agree thats its so much more than just a flight and hotel they have to consider , its just frustrating …
@Irish Terrier: Sighhhhhs its the stressful thing especially when they are going around in circles and not saying ” Yes or No” . I hope your fiance family makes it because his officially said No they wont be able to make it yesterday.
@FutureMRS3lastnames: Now that they have offically said they will not be making it yesterday Im thinking of having a ” welcome to the family ” party next year … this is all new to me since they just tod us the news so I have to plan that after the wedding.
@little_d: Thats very true 🙂
@Hyperventilate: Im frustrated because when we were in planning stages we orginally wanted the wedding in Jamaica for the beaches and price tag .Thats where 99% of my family is located. Me and my fiance spoke about it and he thought that Jamaica would be too far and too expensive for his family to come. We then agreed that Miami would be a good location bc thats where I grew up and its close enough for them ( his family ) but the chances that my family would be there would be slim b/c of visas etc. So we then planned a small intimate wedding with my mom his family and my friends on Miami beach. Hopefully a few on my uncles /aunts could make it over but we knew the chances were slim. But his parents trump my uncles and aunts etc. We then moved the wedding date bc his dad didnt get paid until the end of the month. Now they arent coming ….
We could of had the wedding in Jamaica with most of my family there and now its literally my mom and some friends. Thats why Im frustrated….
The reason why we arent having it in the UK is bc we both want a beach wedding.
I understand things happen but its hard to swallow that they dont have the money seeing how they openly stated they spent $2k on christmas gifts and I found a hotel and flight package for $1100 ….
I know its our day and it only matters that he is there but it would have meant the world to me that they would have been there. But your right , there isnt anything I can do :/
Post # 10
@Milan21xx: 1 ) I can see where this would be disappointing, and you are perfectly within your rights as a feeling, social human to be sad.
2) But—-and it’s a big BUT–Let that go. Just. Let. It. Go. Hanging onto this stuff does not improve your own life. You have the power to craft your life, which emotions to hold and which to put down. Go forth and enjoy the company of people who do come to your important events, those who do make you a priority.
You cannot control what other people do. You cannot decide priorities of life for other people. So what if they spend more money on another event involving their grandchildren? How is that your business? other than #1.
If you don’t heed #2 you may find yourself on this board a few years from now, ranting because your brother in law is not coming to the Gender Reveal party for your unborn child. And when you become that person and you do that, I will not be so kind as I’ve been on this thread.
Post # 11
@FauxPas2012: ” 2) But—-and it’s a big BUT–Let that go. Just. Let. It. Go. Hanging onto this stuff does not improve your own life. You have the power to craft your life, which emotions to hold and which to put down. Go forth and enjoy the company of people who do come to your important events, those who do make you a priority.”
This is probably the most sensible advice I have ever seen on the internet. I see so many people who make it the mission of a lifetime to hold onto and cherish every little grudge and fancied slight (as well as some that are very real) and are completely controlled by their emotions. It does not enhance anyone’s life in any way.
Post # 12
@FauxPas2012: Like you said , its just a feeling and it will past … this Im sure of.
Post # 13
Look at it this way, it’s their loss and you will have a great wedding day without them.
Post # 14
@mrsrigsby60: Thank you 🙂 Im a lot better than when I wrote this lol …