(Closed) His family may not be coming

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Am I overreacting ?
    Yes : (16 votes)
    73 %
    No : (6 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    8318 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @Milan21xx:  How exactly do you know that they spent the equivalent on xmas presents? I am a thrifty shopper and often spend far less on presents than their retail price.

    Regardless of whether you think they have had long enough to save or not at the end of the day it is their decision what to do with their money. Maybe to them buying gifts for multiple grandkids for xmas is better money spent than one return trip to Florida.

    This is just something that one has to accept when they plan their wedding, especially if there is travel involved for guests. Some people may not be able to make it. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you, it doesn’t mean that they have something against you, your FI or your marriage, it just means they cannot attend your wedding. 

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    2874 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    its not just a matter of flights, im assuming staying in miami is incredibly expensive too…hotels, food, expenses =( i find it hard to believe they spent an equal amount of money on gifts. US is one of the more expensive holiday destinations particularly as im assuming there arent all inclusive hotels

    suggest they look at thomas cook, its really good value for travel. flights from 18th-28th april are around 605 pounds (i guessed the dates just to find out approx how much it is). my uk family used the website to arrange things for my mexico wedding!

    Post # 5
    Member
    726 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @Milan21xx:  I pretty much could have written that exact post! My fiance is from Ireland, and his parents haven’t bought their plane tickets yet either … and they’ve known about our wedding for OVER a year now! They say they’re for sure coming, but I don’t see how they’ll manage if they can’t even afford their plane tickets yet, never mind accomodation. I hope they figure it out though, for my fiance’s sake!

    Post # 6
    Member
    436 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Destination weddings, which is what this is for your in-laws, ALWAYS come with one HUGE risk — people won’t be able to or won’t want to go. You have to accept that. This is a huge investment for them — their time, their money, their time off work, their energy etc. and you can’t really be mad at them for not being able to OR not wanting to go. (You can be mad at them but in my opinion, you shouldn’t). 

     

    Maybe you should have two weddings OR a wedding in the US and then a reception in the UK. Would that be a nice compromise?

    Post # 7
    Member
    4436 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Only two family members from my FI’s side are coming to our DW wedding. I’m not upset about it- we invited the whole family and if they can or can’t make it, it’s ok! It’s our special day and nothing wil make it any less than perfect:)

    Post # 8
    Member
    9062 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    If someone cannot afford something, they cannot afford something. Saying “But they’ve had X months to save up!” is unfair. What if something came up? What if they had unexpected expenses?

    The world does not stop for your wedding — family or not.

    It really blows that they can’t come. I’d be saddened if my family or his family didn’t come to our wedding (They have no excuses, though, considering it will be in the same town his parents live in and mine live one town over) but if they can’t afford it.. unless you’re willing to pay for them to come, there isn’t anything you can do. People have lives. People have expenses.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3589 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

    @Milan21xx:  1 )   I can see where this would be disappointing, and you are perfectly within your rights as a feeling, social human to be sad.

    2)  But—-and it’s a big BUT–Let that go. Just. Let. It. Go. Hanging onto this stuff does not improve your own life. You have the power to craft your life, which emotions to hold and which to put down. Go forth and enjoy the company of people who do come to your important events, those who do make you a priority.

    You cannot control what other people do. You cannot decide priorities of life for other people. So what if they spend more money on another event involving their grandchildren? How is that your business? other than #1.

    If you don’t heed #2 you may find yourself on this board a few years from now, ranting because your brother in law is not coming to the Gender Reveal party for your unborn child. And when you become that person and you do that, I will not be so kind as I’ve been on this thread.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2860 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @FauxPas2012: ” 2)  But—-and it’s a big BUT–Let that go. Just. Let. It. Go. Hanging onto this stuff does not improve your own life. You have the power to craft your life, which emotions to hold and which to put down. Go forth and enjoy the company of people who do come to your important events, those who do make you a priority.”

    This is probably the most sensible advice I have ever seen on the internet. I see so many people who make it the mission of a lifetime to hold onto and cherish every little grudge and fancied slight (as well as some that are very real) and are completely controlled by their emotions.  It does not enhance anyone’s life in any way. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Look at it this way, it’s their loss and you will have a great wedding day without them.

    The topic ‘His family may not be coming’ is closed to new replies.

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