Post # 1
Hi guys! You may have seen me post a few days ago about my dilemma; SO has a family ring he wants to use when we get engaged, but my late mother also has a ring we could use. I was worried I wouldn’t like his family ring, but I also wasn’t sure how my dad would feel about me using my mom’s ring, so I figured using his family ring would be the easiest thing.
I saw his family ring. It is gorgeous. However, he also called my dad to declare his intentions, and my dad offered my mom’s ring, which does make a big difference to me. I am so stuck!
His family ring is from the art-deco period (the marriage took place in about 1930, give or take a year or two). It is small and dainty, with the stones set in platinum or white gold and with a yellow gold band. I love rings from this period, but I am concerned that my big “man hands” won’t look good with such a dainty set. Pictures are following: it is too small and doesn’t fit yet 😛
I don’t have pictures of my mom’s ring. My mom’s ring isn’t particularly to my taste, but it would be so sweet to wear her ring, especially with all of the significance it has to me. Knowing that it is a symbol of my dad’s blessing is sweet as well. Her ring is a 3-stone trellis set ring in yellow gold with a stepped (one step) band It doesn’t have any small delicate detail like the art-deco ring does, though the band is wider and the stones are larger; I’m not super into “bling”, necessarily, but I wonder if the size of the ring would fit the scale of my hand better, even though it feels much less like “me” and my style. The matching wedding band is a 5-stone partial eternity band.
I don’t think taking both rings and switching between is an option (believe me, I’ve thought of that…) although SO is fine with me “upgrading” to something I pick out on my own in a few years’ time. I cannot mix and match the sets; they do not go together at all. What to do!? And I really do want to use one of the sets, I do not want to look for a new ring at this time.
Post # 3
Argh sorry these pictures are ginormous… But maybe you can see the bit of milgrain detail on the ring in them! 😉
Post # 4
@MadameX: I would choose the one that makes you feel the happiest when you look at it.
Post # 5
What about wearing your mom’s ring as a right hand ring?
Post # 6
@XmasBride2014: I did think about that, or even switching between the two. But is that a cop-out? Like, does it somehow diminish the significance of both if I have two wedding sets?
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - Garden
Do you have other siblings or are you an only child? If it is just you, I would accept your FI’s family ring, wear your mother’s wedding ring on your RH for your wedding day, and keep your mother’s ring to pass on to your children (if that’s in the plan!)
Post # 8
@Daffadowndilly: Only child! So is he. These things aren’t going to end up with anybody else in the long haul… Unless, of course, his mom decides to give her aunt’s ring to someone else. I hadn’t really thought of that point.
Post # 9
Would it be possible to get the ring altered & use your Mom’s stone? Then you could have a little bit of both families in one ring. We used all heirloom pieces and melted ours down & designed our own rings. Since you really like the one from his family (it’s very pretty), you may not need to start for scratch like we did, but at least you could combine them!
Post # 10
If you plan on having kids keep the one you don’t wear for them. You can always try each out for a little while and see which you feel most comfortable with.
Post # 11
Lucky you! Haha. Very hard to choose though. Fwiw I think his family ring will look amazing once it’s resized and I don’t think you have to worry about it looking small or making your fingers look bigger.
Post # 12
I think the first wedding set would look great on you!! It’s a beautiful! Have you thought of wearing your mom’s ring as a right hand ring? That way, you could wear both of them. Just a thought…..
Post # 13
@FLBlonde93: this is excellent advice
Post # 14
Engagement ring is supposed to come from FI, not from your folks. Can you keep mom’s ring as a sentimental RHR instead of your engagement ring? And use FI’s family ring as your wedding set?
Post # 15
wear both, one engagement, one RHR. or, can you do something else with your mom’s ring, make a pendant for a necklace?
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest
I would choose his family’s ring and save your mom’s for your children (either your son to give to his future bride, or daughter to give to her groom).
But I also agree with @FLBlonde93:.
If reading anyone’s suggestion makes you go.. ehhhh I don’t think so – you know what decision makes you happiest.