- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
First of all, I’m not “raging” mad about this, but it is just annoying…
My MIL loves to entertain, throw parties, etc, and every holiday or occasion gives her a reason to throw a party. Father’s Day is approaching, which, on my side of the family, has always been one of those “visit and bring a card” type “holidays”… you know, it’s a time to see your dad and do something nice, or a “gesture” type of holiday. No one has ever made a HUGE deal out of it.
My in laws have a vacation home that is about 5 hours away, and they spend time there during the summer. They invited SO and I there for Father’s Day weekend. This is a nice thing, however, I would like to actually visit with my dad, and I know that it bothers him that I may not be there. This wouldn’t be a big deal, since technically SO and I can drive down after work on Friday, stay for a day, then drive back Sunday morning and squeeze in a visit with my parents, except for the fact that I am ALWAYS having to just “squeeze in” my parents around my in laws plans, and I know that it bothers them. Frankly, it bothers me. I’m actually starting a new job the day after Father’s Day, and I want to be able to get ready and relax a little beforehand.. not rush home, squeeze in a visit with my parents (who live about 45 mins away.. not far but also not right next door), come back, and then be ready for a new job the next day.
Every holiday/occasion/excuse is a way for MIL to throw an event, and it almost seems like she tries to plan in advance, as if she “calls dibs” on the time. For example, Mother’s Day just happened, and she planned herself a get together with her entire extended family, and told me that since her event was in the afternoon she figured I could just visit my mom beforehand. I’m not trying to be selfish, but in my own family, these types of days were a way to show our moms or dads our appreciation… not a way for them to throw their own celebration and have us just show up. I know that it is starting to bother my family that we just fit in our visits around my in laws events. They don’t plan their own big events or anything (which is what I’m used to) but it really feels like MIL just plots our holidays for us… like “it’s ok that my event will take over most of your weekend because you can rush home to fill your quota with your own family if you really need to”).
I don’t want to just skip out on the weekend away, because it IS nice, and I don’t want to deny SO the opportunity to see his dad on Father’s Day… but at the same time…. they are choosing to go away that weekend and just expecting us to follow and make it work…adding at least 10 hours of driving to a regular weekend (and we can’t take any vacation time). It is getting really exhausting working around MIL’s plans, and she leaves no room for us to even offer an alternate (“well I already INVITED all of your aunts and uncles….”). Of course, FI doesn’t see it as obnoxious, he just feels bad because I worry about it. Again, this is every holiday… if it was just this once it would be different. Ughhhh bees, what do you suggest?