(Closed) his gaming habit…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would tell him that you miss going to bed with him, and that you loved it when you two had a schedule arranged for it. Explain to him, calmly and not in a confrontational way, that it’s difficult not having a schedule because every night you’re left wondering whether or not he will come to bed with you, and that’s it disappointing for you. Maybe it will help if you can tell him you don’t mind him staying up late when you know ahead of time that it’s his night for doing that, but when you never know what to expect it’s very hard.

Post # 5
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@hellopurple: Ugh, that sucks. Has he said why he isn’t okay with having a schedule anymore where there are set nights where you already know that he’ll stay up late? Or on the opposite side, there could be a few nights a week that he promises to come to bed with you.

Post # 8
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

FI used to play way too much games also. The only thing that seemed to help was to have him do some activities with me. We snowboard in the winter, and we ride horses (he got so into riding horses that he got one, I already had one). Well he still plays games, but usually only 3 days a week and mostly when I am not around. Usually he is happy to go to sleep with me, because he does so much during the day now, work and horse riding that he is tired at night.

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I definitely understand the frustration, that is a tough one. Does he have anything particularly stressful going on lately? I ask because I know that when I’m stressed out is when I find myself needing lots of alone time, and sometimes that can only happen after FI is asleep.

Post # 11
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yeah, I could see why you would be frustrated. It took me quite a few years to get FI to play less games. I also know it is hard start to do things that are out of the norm, like bike rides… I feel for you, and hope you will find what works for you two soon…

Post # 13
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hmm.  I’ve done some gaming with my boyfriend and I’ve been annoyed at the gaming my boyfriend has done.  (We’ve both since quit.)  So I can see both sides of the issue.  My tips come from that and watching my sister who does not game, work it out with her husband.

1. Set non-game nights where you two will go on dates, cuddle, etc.  Key here is that he won’t sign on to the game AT ALL. 

Note: If instead you decide to agree to him going on for short times (say an hour), be warned it’s a slippery slope and will bleed over.  Try not to be obnoxious, but time him so he knows how long he was really on – time slips away from you while gaming. By that, I mean state out loud when he gets on so he knows an hour later when you say “its 8pm honey” that he’s had his hour.

Also: You might make an agreement that if he falls asleep on you those nights, he “owes” you something – a game night, dinner out, foot rub….whatever it might be to 1) bring you together again and 2) remind him that the relationship should be the priority.

2. Set game nights that you both agree to.  These are the only nights he can stay up past 11 (or whenever is appropriate for you).  In other words, he can’t check out the game 5 nights a week if you agree upon 3.  On those 3 nights, if friends are on only 2 nights, so be it.

3. Sign up for activities so he doesn’t feel like he’s missing out on fun (and gets him out of the house and away from the game).

4. Finally, know most people can’t do it in moderation.  My BIL had to bail on gaming for about 9 months to not piss off my sister.  She was always willing to let him do it part-time, but he was addicted and couldn’t resist diving in full force.  You may just have to lay down the law (and know you might not win.)

Key in all of this is talking it through together, not just setting rules for him.  You both need to agree on what is acceptable.

Post # 15
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@hellopurple: “In August, he’ll be going to the police academy and probably won’t have the time to play much if at all, so maybe he’s just trying to play as much as possible until then?

 

Umm yeah, no. His gaming isn’t a habit it’s an addiction. No 2 ways around it. And in my experience with gamers is they won’t change until you’re dead serious about doing something about it like you’re leaving if his gaming remains a priority over quality time spent with you. Talking sweet is good, but up until now hasn’t got you anywhere so moving on now. One more talk this time giving him some boundries. He gets 2 nights, period. Any 2 nights. Period. If he can’t live with this I think you need to be prepared for this the rest of your life, or take you life and get on with it. If you continue to stay despite him failing to keep his word time and time again all he sees is evntually you give in.

Post # 16
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Please delete my posts.

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