- 8 years ago
- Wedding: April 2010
My fiance and I got engaged in June. Immediately, we made the foundation decisions – we set a date, we decided who our wedding party was made up of, where we were going to have the ceremony and reception, and we set a budget. I started classes in August, so I was working full-time and attending classes during the week in the evenings. Now that I’m done with the fall semester, I’m taking the spring one off and I’m just now getting down to the real bulk of the wedding decisions.
Well, last night, we go out for dinner with his parents and we’re chatting about random things when they mention for me to be aware that his grandmother is Facebook stalking me. She called FI’s mom earlier in the week to reiterate that I was given a bridal shower in Connecticut by my aunts on my dad’s side of the family because I posted pictures from it. My FMIL already was aware of this. When my FMIL was like, “Yeah, I know, and?” my FI’s grandmother said, “Well, it’s just that I feel very unincluded with this wedding.”
My FI was married before. He got married in ’06 to a girl that he had been with for about 5 years. Their marriage lasted 9 months because FI discovered that she was cheating with her “good friend”, which his family had been trying to tell him about for a long time. Once he had the proof, he filed for divorce and it was finalized before we even met. Their wedding was a big, huge, $40k affair with everything – a multitiered cake with all the fountains, staircases, and figurines for the wedding party.. the best florist in the area did their flowers.. and she wore a $3k wedding dress. Their wedding is a very grand affair compared to ours.
FI’s grandmother continued the convo to say, “You know, when he married [the ex], I made the pillow for the ring bearer. She even mailed me pictures of her in her dress at the fittings. I just felt so much more included and appreciated.”
Luckily, my FMIL defended me and said, “Well, they’re not having a ring bearer or flower girls, and her dress hasn’t even come in yet. She’s been very busy with school, too.”
My FMIL and FFIL told me that they wanted me to just be aware because they wouldn’t want for me to be blindsided by any hostility from her. I’m glad they told me because at least I know this is how she feels. They think that she’s still upset over the fact that FI’s parents renewed their vows in Hawaii back in October and FI’s sister and brother-in-law, plus FI and I went and the grandparents weren’t invited.
The thing is, she lives in upstate New York and we’re in Virginia. I’ve met her once. From what I hear from FI’s parents, she doesn’t visit and only comes down for occasions like weddings. Plus, the first time I met her, she started ranting about one of her daughters who has been into some personal trouble and she was airing all kinds of dirty laundry in the family.. and I sorta think she might be a troublemaking type. Y’know, a little manipulative?
Regardless, I don’t want to have any problems with her.. but I’m not about to start mailing her pictures of my dress and playing up to the mold that the ex-wife set. I’m thinking his grandmother probably just doesn’t like me because I’m not her, which wouldn’t surprise me. Still, I don’t want her to feel unincluded. I mean, I don’t truly think she cares.. but if there’s a chance that she DOES legitimately feel left out, I don’t want to perpetuate that.
I had planned on doing a heritage table at the reception and I’m thinking now is the right time to send her a card and ask her if she would like to include one of her bridal portraits or wedding pictures to our table. “I would be honored if you would..”
Anyone else have experiences like this? Issues with FI’s family? Anyone just want to vent about family members who try to make it all about them? 🙂
Thanks for letting me vent. 😉