Post # 1
A little bit of back story:
I just moved in with my Boyfriend or Best Friend about 3 weeks ago. We get along well, respect our individual space, and have compromised very nicely with the transition.
A few weeks ago we had a garage sale and sold a ton of our stuff. Because I moved into his already cramped space, most of his big stuff was sold and all but one of my larger pieces. Some of which he was a little bummed to get rid of– like his super large love sac that he never used and took up too much room in the already cramped house.
Well, our problem is, we’re STILL too cramped! We have a tiny one bedroom one office home, and NO SPACE! Before I move in, he was a major pack rat and had things EVERYWHERE. There was no rhyme or reason, no style, and no room to breathe. And while it’s still a lot better, he’s saved some things that just don’t fit.
In his office he has 4 book cases that don’t match. When in reality, only one should really be in there. But he has a ton of books that he doesn’t want to get rid of and that he wants to “display.”
We’re not fighting over this, but we’re thinking long and hard about “how to arrange the office to make it fit, with out it looking too cramped.” When I really just want to scream, “WE HAVE TO GET RID OF STUFF!!”He really just has no concept of space, and what is appropriate and what is overcrowding. It’s making me crazy feeling cramped all the time. But when I suggest something, he goes on the defense and immediately starts with the, “but this is my stuff!!” I almost want to say, “well then you obviously aren’t ready to accommodate someone else living her!” but I will NEVER say that because that’ll make it worse.
Errr, I’m just so frusturated and I don’t know what to do! This was more or less a rant, but if you bee’s have any advice on how to approach this, I would really appreciate it. 🙂
Post # 3
haha I feel like linking this to the cohabitation post 😛
Girl I agree with you. I think that you could ease him into it. He sounds like he might have a bit of an attachment issue with things. I help my husband with this. how about you try moving things out.. TEMPORARILY. See how he feels. Say “I understand you love these books and like to have them on display. But when is the last time you truly used them? Why don’t we meet in the middle, and move one bookshelf and the books to a closet and see what the space is like without them. If you are going in and out of the closet for the books after a while, we’ll bring it back!”
HE WILL NEVER USE THE BOOKS. I’ll just tell you that right now, ha. But he’ll realize you’re right and let you make more executive decisions. Sometimes people just need a little kick in the butt to change. My Darling Husband trusts my editing skills now, and asks that if I have to thin stuff out (like his clothes, for example), that I just do it and don’t show him what’s going. That way he doesn’t miss it.
Post # 4
Actually, I do have a question. If you live with your BF/FI/DH who decorates? Who decided what to buy, what stays and what goes? Who decided the colors and patterns? And more importantly who decides where to put stuff?
For the most part we agree on things. For the MOST part. It’s just when we don’t, he immediately goes on the defense. Take for example, flowers. He doesn’t want the house decorated with “flowers and girly stuff.”
That is a nice. Right now he has no accent pillows on the couch. Just these huge pillows that match the material of the couch. they’re way too big, bulky, and nothing stands out. So if we do get deco pillows, he wants solid colors. To me that’s so boring. Grr!
Post # 5
@melissabegins, you’re right! and I have tried that in some ways. However, for things like the book cases, we have no where to put them. No where. Even our closets and the garage are as full as they can possibly go (for the same reason- he doesn’t want to get rid of stuff) so the only option is to get rid of them. We’ve talked about getting a shed, but then it’s kind of expensive right now because there are other things we want, and if we do get a shed, he doesn’t want a “crappy one” if we’re going to be putting “important things” in it that might get weathered. He wants the $1,500 shed and so on….
Post # 6
Rent a storage locker for a while. If you start forgetting what’s in there you’ll know it’s okay to get rid of it.
Post # 7
@rachelss, yeah we thought of that too but he doesn’t want to pay the $50-80 on something we “don’t really need.” He thinks we can just keep all this stuff here.
Post # 8
I wish I could give advice but since moving in with my SO a little over a month ago, we’ve been having an opposite issue!
Not be be sexist and define a man and a womans role, but my man was begining to fight me over curtain styles and decor aspects which are typically a womans domain (and I don’t mean he resists flowers and colors etc.. I mean he’s “Oh but I prefer this color with this piece of furniture, or I like the furniture placed in such a way and they often aren’t the way I had pictured/planned a space haha) While I do appreciate him wanting to be involved and interested in our home.. some days I think it would be so much easier if he was a “do whatever you like, honey” kind of guy lol
Post # 9
@MissSawyer, EXACTLY! I’m not meaning to be sexiest at all and try to claim that the home decorating role should be “women only”, but there’s a reason most women do it.
My guy just isn’t that good! He’s not really aware what goes with what, exactly how much can fit into a given space, where to place things, modern vs. what he calls “vintage.” furniture, etc… I just wish he would give up control, and our lives would be that much easier. It’s not like I’m going to turn our home into a total female domain, but at least a LITTLE STYLE!