his "mom" is loving with us… it's killing me

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ren89:  I think you mean “living” with us.

Post # 5
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

ren89:  You are NOT being unreasonable.. That is such a bizarre situation on so many levels and I would not be putting up with it. She’s not technically even family?? Is there a reason she can’t stay with a family member if she’s really stuck? What about your husbands friend.. her son??

Surely she can get some kind of work.. and it seems very obnoxious to not even be contributing to living expenses.. not only is your husnand (and now you) doing her a favour, but it’s costing you more money having her there which is crazy!

You need to talk to your husband about this and agree on a deadline for her to move out and then be very clear about it with her. I’m all for helping out those in need but if she’s out getting pedicures and buying herself unnecessary things then really she’s just taking advantage.

Post # 7
Member
636 posts
Busy bee

Her son is totally an option! She could move over to where he is, even across the state. Have you talked to him to let him know that his mom can’t stay with you anymore?

Post # 8
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

ren89:  It’s definitely not a healthy way to start a marriage and its possibly only a matter of time before your resentment about the situation is directed at your husband which could cause a lot of issues for you guys..

I don’t think it should fall on you guys to support her.. she sounds like she needs a kick up the bum to get her life in to gear and giving her an end date should force her to do that.

If you think you can keep it together for another 4 months i’d be telling her that she has until whatever date will mark 1 year of her living there to sort herself out and find more work and other housing options. She’s getting it too easy and it sounds like unless she’s forced to, she’ll milk it for all its worth. It doesn’t sound like it bothers her at all that she’s intruding on your life and your marriage.

Help her out where you can in finding other arrangements but I think it’s definitely time to start laying down some ground rules!

Post # 9
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Kazza:  Agreed.. I can’t believe her son/his friend would be happy to let his friend foot the bill for his own mother! I’m not so sure about these peoples morals….

Post # 11
Member
636 posts
Busy bee

ren89:  There is no way you’re being selfish. She’s lived with you for 8 months without contributing anything (and plus, it’s not only about the $$, it’s also the fact that you have an unwanted houseguest as newlyweds). I don’t think you realize that what you’ve done so far is extremely generous and is WAY more than what most people would do.

Post # 12
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Kazza:  Agree. I would be beyond annoyed OP. I might not have even married him if I knew I’d be stuck living with his best friend’s mother! Who pays no rent and buys herself stupid things. Wow I’d have gone off the handle probably straight away. She has her own kids, let them deal with her!

BTW, you’re a really lovely person for putting up with it, and probably your SO is too. But you’re getting used. 

Post # 14
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

ren89:  OP have you talked to your husband yet? There’d be NO WAY I would allow this to carry on any longer without a definite end in sight. You’re not being selfish or a bitch either.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  sillysillybee.
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