Post # 1
Hi fellow waiting bees,
This past weekend, I attended a baby shower for a close friend on SO’s side of the family. I was sitting at a table with SO’s mom and a few other guests. We were talking about the gifts we purchased for the new baby, and I mentioned that I got a really cute outfit for her, but was confused by the sizing. I had noticed, for instance, that toddler clothes that the sizes go 2T, 3T, and so on. I asked the ladies at the table what that meant/how it works. SO’s mom said in an exasperated tone, “Why don’t you have a baby and find out!”. I think my mouth fell open, but I let it go.
Later (still at the baby shower with guests), she brought it up again. I decided to politely put my foot down (even though other guests were present). I said, “The hold up isn’t just me. I’m not going to have a baby yet. ____________ needs to marry me first”. She just kind of grumbled “I know, I know” like I was a broken record.
I am young (26) and want to enjoy marriage for awhile before children. So I think kids won’t be in the picture for a few years. But, SO and I have been together for over five years and I am getting impatient! (By impatient, I don’t mean I feel like leaving/giving up on him, but my attitude towards waiting has changed – I don’t have that excited “Christmas Morning” feeling about it, more like “Oh, not this year then. Maybe next year.”) I am seriously hoping I don’t have to wait much past the six year mark for our engagement.
I just can’t fathom how it is appropriate to embarass your son’s girlfriend that way. The voice inside my head wanted to retort, “Your son hasn’t even PROPOSED to me. I’m not going to commit my life to raising a child with someone who hasn’t committed to me first!”.
Still stewing about it. I know baby showers tend to bring out those emotions, but I’m embarrassed.
Post # 2
Did you mention this to him? Not in a nagging way, but in a “hey, your mom mentioned this and here’s how I responded. I’m only mentioning this to keep you in the loop”. I fully feel that your SO should share in the awkwardness and know it is on your mind!
Post # 3
Haha, thanks pollywog! I wish he had been sitting there too…then the awkwardness could have washed over both of us.
I mentioned it to him but we didn’t really discuss it at length. It was kind of like “Geez, Mom! She can be blunt”.
Post # 4
Omg that’s embarrassing. I’m 22 and we’ve been together 5 years and just got engaged a month ago. We were around 20 when his GRANDMA yelled across the dinner table at outback “When are you going to give me a great grandchild?! I’m getting older and won’t be around for too much longer!” I was so damn embarrassed. And she’s like early 60’s so it’s not like she’s and about to fall over any second.
Post # 5
It sounds like your SO’s mom really wants a grandchild and she’s likely feeling as frustrated about a future proposal as you. However, I have to admit the way she said it was wrong and embarrassing for you. I would be upset too!
Post # 6
Starshollow: My ex’s mom was like this, we’d go over to her and his nanny’s house all the time and she was blast out “When y’all having my grandbabies?” I dated my ex from when I was a senior in high school to a junior in college, so there was obviously no time in baby making and neither of us wanted that, but his younger brother already had some kids and wanted him to catch up basically. Never happened though, at least not with me. Just tell his mother that you’re not ready and that’s the determining factor here.
Post # 7
This is really not her business and its really kinda of absurd to think that you should try to have a baby with a man who has not even committed to marrying you yet!
Post # 8
Starshollow: Let’s look at this from a different angle- how NICE is it to have a potential MIL rooting for your relationship?! Get over the embarassement – she’ll be your family one day and clearly wants what you want, but just a different time table.
So maybe she’s not the most gracious with words or her comments came off a little out of left field. Be thankful you don’t have a FMIL that can’t stand you. Maybe work WITH her to have a heart to heart with her son to hurry up and propose to you.
But you having a pissy attitude about your SO’s mom won’t get you far – blood is thicker than water. I’m not saying it’s reasonable for you to hurry up and get pregnant but at least she’s supportive of it!!
I really hope you get what you want but try and take a step back and look on the bright side!
Post # 9
On the plus side- it seems like she likes you!
Post # 10
Starshollow: My FMIL jokes about grandkids all the time and I know she can’t wait for us to have a baby. Even though it can be annoying and I totally understand your frustration I usually just laugh it off and make it clear we aren’t even thinking about that yet.
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2014 - Brussels, Belgium
My FMIL asks and has for a while. I get the impression she thinks we’re old and need to get a move on it. Plus, everyone else in her family around our age has kids. We’ll be 25 when we’re married so I personally think we have some time.
Post # 12
Oh my gosh I know what this is like! I’m 22, and I have been with my SO for 4 years (he is 30) and his entire family make constant comments about giving them grandchildren. It’s so embarrassing! We are not engaged either and I caNo certainly understand where you are coming from.
I would suggest just trying to talk it out with him again, and let him know that it embarrasses you and how you feel with the waiting thing. Easier said than done, I know… I’m the biggest procrastinator when it comes to those conversations! 🙂
Post # 13
I get this all the time from my FMIL and even my stepson’s mom and her friends. On New Years Eve, she told me she’ll have a new grandbaby by 2015. She’s ALWAYS saying she can’t wait until I have her granddaughter. My stepson’s mom said it’s our turn to have a baby because she’s done having kids and she wants another to take care of. And her friend was telling me that I look good with a baby on my arms (after carrying around my SS’s mother’s youngest), and asking when we’re going to start having them.
It might be embarassing, but I can guarantee you that they understand the marriage thing. I always say, “Maybe in a few years. I want to be married for a couple years first.” They’re just so excited that someone is around that is going to stay around! Think about how much you want that engagement… they want the babies just as much!
Post # 14
My mom and my FMIL like to “joke” like this. I feel ya on this one hun. I’m only 24. Comments like that make me want to run for the hills. Def not ready to be a mom.
Post # 15
My mom and his mom are always making remarks like this. It gets so annoying, but I have learned to just brush it off. My mom knows I’m not going to have a kid without getting married and I have also informed her that I may not be having children at all. His mom likes to remind me that I’m not getting any younger and my eggs aren’t either. Love her, but when she can spend 20 minute talking about my eggs I just want to hide. I guess all moms just want grandchildren and it seems like they lose sight of much once their children are in long-term relationships.
I’m also with you on the feeling different about waiting. My boyfriend and I are only coming up on 4 years, but he made some comments that honestly ruined all the excitement for me and made me feel down on myself for a while. We talked it out and I get where he is coming from now, but the excitement still hasn’t come back since even though I know I want to marry him. We are ring shopping now and it just feels like YAY instead of OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG YAY.