Weddingbee boards

Ok so here's the background, b/f and I have been together almost 5 years. We have been living together for over 2 years...almost 3 really.  We've been talking about engagment...whole other issue...anyways... So we both have good jobs, he just bought a business 7 months ago. I teach at a university.   So his mom has been talking abut retiring in 5 years, selling her house, and moving near us. (he's an only child) I'm ok with her living near us, especially since he is her only son. So she's been seriously looking at areas near us.  I've been telling b/f that he needs to talk to her because there's a good chance we might not be here in 5 or 6 years.He agrees and says he'll mention it to her.

Flashforward to Sat. night, we're at dinner, and she starts talking about areas near us again. He still hasn't mentioned to it.  So I tell her, You know ___ we might not be living there in 5 or 6 years. Housing is very expenisve in this area (we currently rent) and we'll probably not be able to afford a house there. She asks where we would be thinking of (all places b/f said he would like to move to) and she says, "Oh, yeah I had a feeling that this would happen, I know B. (b/f) was settled there, but I told my friends, divergirl was a wild card."

Wildcard? I was a little offended, cuz b/f and I had talked about not staying here. Also, that she tells her friends this. I mean I can kind of see where she is coming from because I'm at a crossroads of what I want to do with my personal and professional life; have kids or get a Ph.D.  But I don't think that means I'm a wild card.  I was a little upset my b/f didn't chime in saying he had actually contributed to this decison, and that it wasn't definite. Especailly since I've limited my Ph.d program lists just so I could stay near him since he does have a business.

B/f says that her comment was innocent, and that she didn't mean anything by it and I shouldn't be offended.  I'm trying to let it go, but it's just bugging me... what do you bees think?

I can see why it would bother it, because it would bother me too. Try not to worry too much about it. If I were you I'd want my boyfriend to tell her that it's a mutual decision where you live, and etc.

Maybe she just wants to be able to move and is frustrated that she can't make a decision now? Whatever it is, don't hold onto any negative feelings.

How is your relationship normally?

I got blamed for a lot of things in the beginning of our relationship and now that we are married, I still do.  Some things are laughable, others are not and that's when the SO needs to step in.

@nyebride: We're not really close. We have very little in common, actually my boyfriend and gardening are the only interests we share.  She's a therapist, so I always feel she is analyzing everything I say. I think she likes me well enough, she did say she thought b/f and were really good for each other, and seemed pretty happy when we told her we were planning on getting married. I know her and my b/f have actually been closer because of me, so I don't think she'd intentionally try to offend me....

double post

If putting the blame soley on you isn't a common occurence, I would take what your bf said and try not to be offended (you have the right to feel how you feel, I'm not telling you you don't) but if this is a common occurence then your BF needs to do something.

Oy. I can only imagine what my FMIL thinks/calls me. She lives 8 hours away and we do not have similar lifestyles AT ALL. I'm sure uptight and snobby are at least two of the things she calls me. At one point there was a bit of a FB fight where FMIL was being pretty hypocritical and mean. SO stood up for me which I really appreciated but she deleted us and wouldn't talk to SO until he called and apologized and she played the wounded bird card. It was really pathetic. It was really nice to have him stand up for me to his mom but in the end, it wasn't worth the fiasco it turned into.

So today B/f and I got a thank you card from his mom saying how she liked hearing about our plans.   She also said that she appreciated that I shared with her what our plans were, and that she thought b/f hadn't shared his because of "concern of her reaction" but I think she likes that I was honest and straight forward with her. She also said we're similar in that we like to plan things but she's going to try to "live in the moment" and see what things come our way.

So I'm thinking that being a wild card isn't a bad thing, and I'm starting to feel a lot better.  I think I'm going to try and keep her more informed because I feel a little badly that she doesn't find things out as soon as others (like my family) because b/f doesn't share what's going on.