Post # 1
I could use some advice. I’m pretty upset about this whole honeymoon situation and not sure how to go about it without stepping on any toes. My family is paying for our small wedding and we are also footing a bit of the bill. His family has helped out with the ceremony cost (500) and his Mom bought my shoes (which are beautiful!) I am so thankful. In this modern day and age couples are paying for everything which is so powerful and shows a lot! Unfortunately we are not quite there yet to foot majority of the bill.
When it comes to our honeymoon we were trying to find the best bet for our money. We were honestly just considering staying in the states because that is all we could afford. Well his parents (who are extremely wealthy who paid 40k for his sisters wedding) got back from Aruba and loved it so much they said they would give us a honeymoon! we were thrilled and so happy……well they booked it and then decided to tell us that we would need to cover airfare and spending money (which we already assumed spending money).
Well it turns out it will cost us over 1200.00 just to fly there and we would probably need another 500-1000 for spending money. We can’t afford this. I’m so upset…how can she give us half a honeymoon? Knowing we could barely afford a normal one. Aruba is fabulous but it wasn’t I who picked it…if I knew The cost I would of hoped maybe we all could of worked together to pick something out that was in our range and affordable if they didn’t want to pay for airfare.
I was so excited about this honeymoon and now I’m dreading it…we keep joking we are going to take a row boat there but now the wedding is 3 months away. His parents know we havent booked tickets yet due to price and nothing….
I hope I dont sound ungrateful, we were told surprise here is an amazing honeymoon!! Then it was half taken away. I also wouldn’t be as upset if they just came to us in the first place and said we would love to donate x amount of money for your honeymoon and we could of picked maybe an all inclusive option or a cruise. 🙁
any advice would be great….
Post # 3
Can you ask them to cancel it?
You can just be honest with them and tell them you can’t afford it.
If they then decide not to give you the money then figure out your own honeymoon.
If they decide to give you the money figure out a honeymoon within your budget.
Unfortunately it is their money and they can spend it as they see fit. Don’t be too disappointed. However you have to look out for yourself too, just be honest about it and don’t go.
My husband and I did not have a honeymoon after the wedding, we had a trip to Hawaii 3 months after with money we saved up ourselves.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@Tiffner: Yikes, that’s an awkward situation – any way you’ll be able to pay the $1200 out of money you’ll receive from wedding presents? Have you talked to her about this? She’d probably lose money if you two had to reschedule or change things… this is why you don’t gift something like that! She should have just given you the monetary value IMO.
Post # 5
Just be honest with them. They never should have booked it without checking first. I would honestly have turned down a vacation someone else made all the decisions about – especially my honeymoon!
Post # 6
How much would you have spent on the honeymoon that you were planning? Realistically I think you’d be spending at least $1200, so that would cover the flights.
You could always create a honeymoon registry to get the extra cash.
Post # 7
Oof. That’s definitely a touchy situation. I don’t really see any other option other than graciously telling them the truth.
“Thank you so very much for your generous offer, but we’re planning to stay local in order to save money on travel expenses. Aruba sounds wonderful, and hopefully we can visit in the future when we have more flexibility in our budget.”
Did they book something already?
Post # 8
@Tiffner: let them know that you were so excited about this gift that you researched flights and discovered that it was beyond your budget. you cannot afford the flight.
i would suggest that they cancel it and perhaps find another suitable location that would be more in your budget. tell them how disappointed you are b/c you really wanted to go.
Post # 9
we priced out a week long honeymoon to aruba (hotel and airfare) to be no less than $7000 for decent accommodations, so I think you’re getting a great deal for a typically expensive vacation. Not sure what your original budget was for your honeymoon in the states, but $1000 doesn’t get you much even here. I’d personally open up a 0% interest credit card (citi has great deals all the time – 24 months) and go for the trip! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity that someone’s going to pay for half your trip. Plus, you’ll likely get money at the wedding to use as your spending money or pay off the airfare.
Maybe they could loan you guys the money?
Post # 10
Normally a nice hotel is the bulk of the cost most anywhere. Aruba should be pretty cheap once you get there and if you’re there to just enjoy the beaches and water, you’d just have to worry about food, which does not have to cost a lot. Any sort of honeymoon, cruise or all inclusive, I cant imagine being less than 1200, and you’d have to fly there too right? How many days is this for?
In any case, they can probably cancel it if you just tell them the situation. Or you could suggest the cash for part of a cheaper honeymoon of your choice.
Post # 11
@Tiffner: Just honestly tell them you are genuinely surprised and grateful for the gesture, but you jsut don’t have the money for the rest of the trip. Give them the vacation back, and encourage them to use it for yourselves. You can’t help not having the money, so it’s nothing they have a right to take offense to, and it’s nothing you should apologize for.
Post # 12
@MrsWBS: That’s a really nice thought, especially the %0 interest for the first year part. If it works for OP, that’s great, but even on credit, I know I couldn’t pop that much extra money up out of nowhere. 🙁 I plan really really far ahead with my money to make sure I don’t get into any tricky situations. Sometimes what you have is what you have, and that’s it.
Post # 13
Ugh. Super awkward! I am sure his parents did this with the best intentions but it really should not have been done that way because it puts you in an awkward position. I agree with PPs. Be honest and tell them that you are so honored that they would cover your hotel in Aruba but that after looking at prices you don’t think you’re going to be able to afford the plane ticket. Ask how they would like to handle it. You shouldn’t really ask for the money they would have spent on the Aruba hotel, but hopefully they can cancel the reservation and give you money to go to a more budget friendly location. And if they can’t cancel maybe they’ll go back and you can do the honeymoon you were planning before all these shenanigans!
Post # 14
@Tiffner: I think it’s incredibly generous of them to offer a honeymoon but “they booked it and then decided to tell us that we would need to cover airfare and spending money” – that’s just stupid on their part. I mean, I am sure their intentions were great but they really should have done some research on flights, then consulted with you to see how much you could spend, BEFORE booking. Any chance they can back out of it? Or you can just be frank and let them know that after the cost of everything wedding related that you simply can’t afford it? There is no shame in admitting the truth…
If push comes to shove and they get their panties in a twist or they lose a sizable chunk of their deposit for cancelling (and I hate this advice but it’s an option) you can always open up a CC with no APR for 18 months to pay it off. Citi has one that I actually put some of my wedding stuff on to accrue points. No annual fee, it’s pretty decent.
ETA – this actually reminds me of our gift from my ILs. They kept saying how we were going to get cash for our wedding and it was going to be pretty sizable ($2-3k) and we had asked for no gifts but were secretly going ‘YES! We could use the money’ and it turns out that they opened up a year-long CD in DHs name and we can only use it as a down payment on a house which we’re not ready for yet. Good intention….poor execution.
Post # 15
@Asia: I realize that is why it is just an idea she might not have thought about. If you can get 0% interest for 24 months, 1200 is only $50/month. For some I realize that’s obviously a lot, for others it’s more doable than coming up with $1200 on the spot.
Post # 16
How long is this trip? What type of loding? Hotel or a house rental or what? Maybe I’m just super cheap but $1K for spending money? What are you planning on doing?! :p If you truly can’t afford the flights, just tell them. It was pretty shitty to say they’ll be paying for your honeymoon, book it, and then tell you to pony up the cash for flights. If they lose money for cancelling, so be it. You guys were up front about not being able to afford a fancy honeymoon, and they still did this.