Post # 1
Alright…hopefully this one story can give you an idea of ALL that his mother encompasses. I understand mothers want the best for their son. I’m not their ethnicity…she doesn’t like that. She said I was “stealing” her son…I stared at her in bewilderment. Before I came into the picture my fiance saw his mother and father pretty much every day…helping around the house..eating meals…etc. Our home is 10 minutes away from theirs. Because of my work schedule he and I only eat dinner 3 times a week…and now recently 4 times a week. His mother KNOWS when I cook for him. Why then does she call him up as I’m cooking because she made food for him. He will let me know he will be back in 10 minutes to pick up this food (of course he doesn’t want to be mean to his mom). So by the time he got home…I was setting the table and we ate what I prepared and what she prepared. What is that!?!?!? While he was at work today I sent him the following email:
I don’t want your mom to over-do herself…so please remind her that she doesn’t need to make anything for us on the days I cook for you…that is unless you are complaining to her about what I cook for you :)…haha..xoxo
I really wanted it to get the message to him without confrontation. Any advice?
Post # 3
Some people might like it that their FI’s mom cooks extra food for them, but I definitely would find what you’re describing a little irritating. But, this is really between your FI and his mother. If he doesn’t set some boundaries for her, you’re going to be dealing with this behaviour forever. The longer he lets it go on, the more difficult it will be to address it later.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
Yikes. He needs to stop enabling her. That would really piss me off if he was running over there to get food when you went through tthe trouble to make food! He’s not “being mean”, he has a new lady in his life- you! That’s going to be hard for mom, but she’s gonna have to hace the facts!!
Post # 5
Your Fiance needs to tell her to cut that shit out.
Post # 6
@sda519: FI problem! This is NOT a problem with his Mom. He doesn’t want to be mean to her? Tough noogies! If you cook for him, he eats what YOU make. He doesn’t leave to go pick up Mommy’s food. Address the problem, don’t beat around the bush with your email. You don’t like confrontation – fair enough. Who does? But if you don’t tackle this issue head-on (and stop deflecting blame to his Mom), this will be a reoccuring problem.
“Honey – I understand you don’t want to upset your Mom. But if I spent time making a meal for you, it’s disrespectful to leave to get the food your Mom made for you rather than eat mine. We are a unit now. It’s imperative we create boundaries with your Mom. If you want to eat your Mom’s meals, let’s plan to see her X times a week/month and she can make dinner for us both.”
Post # 7
Is he an only child? I think a lot of moms are like this. A lot of people have done everything for their kids, especially their sons, for so long that its hard when they don’t feel needed anymore. Did she mean you were stealing her son because he is marrying outside of his ethnicity or just because he is getting married? If its due to the ethnicity difference then I would be pretty angry about that comment. If its just because he is getting married and not around her house anymore then I think thats kind of a normal feeling for some really attached parents.
Your FI is the one that is going to need to resolve this issue – since he is definitely playing into it. You can easily confront him without an argument. I would just say something like, “so.. it really bothers me when your mom…” And tell him that she is overstepping a little too much.