Post # 1
I recently got engaged and live with my fiance and his parents for almost 6 months (even before we got engaged I lived there).His relationship with his parents is completely different then mine is with my parents. His parents are so caring and loving with him and they are the same with me now that I live there. He is an only child and since they dont have a daughter they consider me as there daughter now. Living with them is a complete dream and I feel so happy that I’m going to have such amazing in-laws. When we got engaged they were super happy and even bought us an engagment present of our choosing.. they are also way more involved in our wedding planning and have offered to pay for countless things even though we want to pay for most things by ourselves.
I told my fiance that I feel embarassed that my parents dont seem to care as much and I think the main reason is my mom is upset that I’m not having the wedding that she wants me too. I’m having a destination wedding here but I am also having a ceremony here too but it’s his religion not ours. She thought I would have a wedding here so she could invite all her friends but sorry I’m not. My parents havnt offered to help us with anything in any way and it’s not the money thing I care about but the fact that this wedding thing isnt even exciting to them at all. My fiance says that our parents are just different and I shouldnt compare our parents against each other but I cant help it. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Post # 3
It’s hard when your parents aren’t behind you, but didn’t you say you already feel like a member of your fiance’s family? I would just try to spend as much time planning with your fiance’s family and minimize the frustrating contact with your own family (over the wedding, anyways.)
Post # 4
Do you live far away from your parents?
Have they always been “uninterested” in big life events?
Could it be hard for your parents to be involved since you life with your future in laws?
Post # 5
@ohmystars28 I do spend most of my time there cause I live there and any of the stuff we plan about the wedding we tell them because they are always interested to hear it unlike my parents.
@KatNYC2011 I only live about 20 minutes from my parents so thats not far at all. I guess they might be mad cause I’m not having the kind of wedding “they want” I’m having a destiantion wedding much to my mothers dismay AND I’m having a ceremony in my home town which is for his religion not mine. I cant please everyone and I feel in this case they dont understand that its our wedding and not theres.
Post # 6
@sweetchiquita12: Could they be feeling like you are replacing them with his parents? That might lead them to be a lot less interested in the wedding if they feel unwanted.
Are there any of your family traditions or wants (however small) that you could incorporate into the wedding planning so they know you aren’t “trading them in” for new parents?
Post # 7
I know how you feel. My parents were significantly less enthusiastic about us getting married than my DH’s parents were. They weren’t upset with how we were getting married or anything like that either, they just were not interested.
Focus on the support you are getting from your FILs. Soon they WILL be your family. Maybe try and suggest to your parents ways they could get involved instead of waiting fo them to do something? Like if you’re working on a DIY project, maybe ask your mom if she could help out? It could be they’re just unsure of what they can do.
Post # 8
Yup I know what you mean. I have a horrible relationship with my mother, my father I love to death, but FI’s parents are amazing! One of the reasons I would never leave FI, of course bc I love him to bits, is bc I would lose his famiLy.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Are you an only child? If not, that could be part of the reason for what seems like their disinterest. My MOH who was married 8 years ago is a lot more interested in planning/helping than the one who married a year ago- the second one has wedding burn-out! 🙂
Do you think your parents would be interested in hosting a post-wedding reception, “a sort of “meet the bride and groom” for her friends? Maybe your parents aren’t excited because there’s nothing for them to be- they probably feel that they can’t help with the ceremony plans because it’s not their religion.
Post # 10
@KatNYC2011 My parents originally wanted to have a party for us and there friends but I felt that this excluded my FI’s family and frankly I didnt want it I would rather they help contribute to the stuff we want so we decided against it. I have no clue what I would include her in as we have two totally different set of tastes! I didnt even bring her when I looked at wedding dresses.
@deathbydesign That is good advice! They will be my family soon so I’m glad I get along with them. I dont think I could ever work on a project with my mom as all she would do is criticize..some people just dont get along even if they are related. I would feel more comfortable asking my future mother in law for help cause she doesnt criticize.
@Olive12 I am in the same boat as you and dont ever get along with my mother so this is just the icing on the cake that I dont want my wedding to be what she wants. My dad is basically just there and doesnt have much of an opinion either way.
@rebwana I’m not an only child but my FI is. I feel like my parents are just being stubborn because I’ not doing what “they” want so therefore they are just acting uninterested thinking I might change my mind..which I will not!
Post # 11
I feel the same way! My finace’s dad (his mom passed away) is extremely excited about our wedding and wants to pay for whatever the groom’s parents “traditionally” pay for. He’s always asking questions about all of our planning.
My parents on the other hand… Or I guess I should say my mom, doesn’t seem very excited at all. She doesn’t approve of me living with my finace before we’re married. When I told her we got engaged she didn’t really seem to care. She didn’t ask to see my ring… She didn’t come into the store for my first dress shopping (she sat out in the car with my dad) It’s really kind of sad, and even more embarrassing when people ask if my parents are excited. I have to answer with “I don’t really know…” because I really don’t.
Post # 12
I’m sorry you are going through this. It never feels nice when you don’t feel like you have support from your parents. I do agree that it’s probably not the best to compare your FIL;s with your parents as it might increase you feelings…have you tried talking to your parents?