Post # 1
We’re getting married in 2 weeks and we’re having a very small and intimate ceremony and brunch. Just 30 people (including us). The room literally only holds 30. I wanted to keep it small because I know his family is VERY sheltered and uncomfortable around people and they would never want the dancing and partying (that my parents and I are very much going to miss).
I feel like I’ve been bending over backwards to accomodate his family. They live 45 mins away from our city where we are getting married, which is an hour and a half for my whole family. My fiance said he will go to their house the night before to bring them to the wedding so they don’t have to worry about driving. Well, his mom sent us an email at 6am this morning saying “I’m sorry, I can’t come to the wedding, I don’t want to get sick” According to my fiance, she always pretends to get sick when she doesn’t want to do anything. She’s not sick. She doesn’t want to “get sick”, which makes no sense, since no one will be sick at the wedding, and she is not old or frail!
I am extremely frustrated that I had this specific type of wedding FOR his family to feel comfortable and now both his parents aren’t coming (and several of his family members are “opting out” of the brunch because the RSVP aspect made them feel like it was exclusive What the hell??). His father is very old with dementia, so he is understandable. I wasn’t able to invite a lot of my family since we promised to keep it immediate family only and he has 6 siblings and they are all married.
I’m very frustrated so any advice would be helpful. Should I have him beg his mom again, add more of his family members, or should I just say forget them and tell some of my family, that I couldn’t previously invite to come?? I don’t even know if this is enough time to invite my family members now 🙁
Post # 2
I would have a long talk with your Fiance about what he wants to do. Family issues are best delt with by the side that is causing the issue. Your Fiance will know best what to do with his family, and he will also be the one to gage how important it is to him to fight this battle.
As far as inviting more of your family, don’t. Your family will feel B listed (and technically are at this point) Also, if his family does change their minds, which might happen, they won’t have seats anymore. It’s kind of a no win situation.
Post # 3
BohoMama: I am so so so sorry you are dealing with this NOW. It upset me reading your post!!! I think the best thing you can do is move on, keep your head held high, and enjoy these last few weeks. I think it is incredibly sad, and frustrating that his own parents cannot ‘suck it up’, and attend your marriage – knowing you did so much to accommodate them. But, I think for the sake of all involved, I would tell myself that I would rather them NOT be there, then be there and be miserable, or panicked, etc.
This is NOT the same thing by any means, but my paternal grandparents, whom are physically healthy, and ‘younger’ did not attend our ceremony and reception due to anxiety. Anxiety is a serious illness, of which keeps them shut in their own home, but for awhile I could not understand how or why they would miss it?! I had arranged rides, even asked them to please just attend the ceremony. No pics required, etc. But, they just would not. I finally had to tell myself what I stated above…it is better for them, and better for us to stay at home.
I know it is hard to wrap your head around right now, but maybe it will be a blessing in disguise. Everyone will be more relaxed?! I would NOT beg them to change their mind, and instead reaching out to other close people and explaining why you had not originally invited them, but would love for them to attend. I know I would understand…good luck.
Post # 4
This is terrible! WEll i hope ( and i say with with all sincere feelings) that you two learned that you have to do things for you and not for everyone else. You are missing out on “your” type of wedding becuase you were way to accommodating and now they are not coming!!
But like said above, maybe it is a blessing in disguise. It is what it is, and just enjoy the night and the moments!
Post # 5
Misswhowedding: Thank you! You’re right, I didn’t want my family to feel B listed. I already added my uncles in after his other family members said no and my dad begged us to get a bigger place (my uncles also helped raise me). My fiance is as frustrated as I am 🙁
OUgal0004: Nikkimcq: True, maybe this is a blessing in disguise! I was getting pretty anxious myself that they wouldn’t talk during the brunch. I even tried to prep my mom (my family is super outgoing and talkative) not to push his family too much in conversation. I just feel so bad for my Fiance. He also just finally got his degree (only one in his family to do it!) and only his mom came and she didn’t want to take pics with him and left immediately after. I was so sad for him! Ugh.