Post # 1
So my now ex-BF and I were together almost a year before we decided to meet each other’s parents. My parents are liberal and his are very conservative. My parents loved him. Last month, his mom came to visit and to meet me. We knew that if either set of parents disapproved our relationship would have to end. However, never in a million years did we think this would happen. During his mom’s visit, she also met my parents. We knew this was a crucial moment becuase we wanted to get married. Well, a week later his dad also came and discussed things with his mom. They decided that my BF and I were too different and would never approve of us. MY WORLD CRUMBLED. My BF decided to end things. I believe it’s because I’m not as conservative as they would like but if baffles me that a mother would want to see her son unhappy. I am obviously depressed over the situation. The only option I see is to tell his parents that he doesn’t care what they think. I can never ask him to give up his family but I love him too much to let him go. Everyone keeps telling me that this is better because you don’t just marry the BF, you marry his family. However, I can’t give up on us so soon. It would be so much easier if we broke up because we weren’t happy, but that wasn’t the case. His parents are the only reason we broke up. I just to know if anyone else has been through this and what happened. I love my BF and want to spend forever with him.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
The only advice that I have is that you don’t HAVE to marry his family. You are marrying him, and like it or not he does have family but you don’t have to love them. My FIL are not my cup of tea but I counteract that by not seeing them often but still supporting my FI.
Assbackward logic I know, but if it’s meant to be, there are ways to work things out.
Post # 4
Wow, that is a crazy situation. I disagree, you marry your significant other. It’s about the two of you. I think it’s crazy that he broke up with you after his parents barely met you. Marriage and relationships aren’t about political opinions. Of course it’s important that his parents like you and approve of the relationship, his parents should not have that much of an influence on his life. It seems all really sudden and kind of drastic.
Best of luck, I hope he starts to see things differently.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
You don’t marry his family by marrying him, and I don’t see why one bad meeting should stop the two of you if you have been happy together. You only get one chance with them? They can’t grow to like you?
Honestly, most people are not that close with their in-laws. If you can be respectful of them anyway (and vice versa), I’m not sure why they have to love you for you to stay together.
Post # 6
I think it’s ridiculous to break up because his parents think you are not compatible. It sounds like they don’t really even know you. I think you all ought to spend more time together, and then maybe they will come around once they get to know you.
Post # 7
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Wow. I’m so sorry. I very much disagree with the whole “you’re marrying his family” idea, because SO MANY people don’t get along with their in-laws. Yes, his family will be a part of your life, but you are marrying HIM. It’s not like you’ll be spending all of your time with them.
I think it’s really sad that he would break up with you because his parents didn’t like you, but to be honest, if that’s a priority to him then there’s nothing you can do about that, and it may not be worth your time to fight it. If he still is letting them tell him what to do and letting them control his life that much, I personally wouldn’t want to be in that relationship. I think you need to have a talk with him and see where he’s at – let him know that you’re willing to make it work even if y’alls parents don’t approve.
Post # 8
One of my BM’s is in this position. She’s been dating her bf for over 2 yrs- He’s met her family and they have grown to love him. They also live together. But.. sigh, his family is from India, and they argue about her all the time when he goes to see them. She’s an RN, who plans on getting an advanced degree, and he’s applying to med school for emergency medicine or something. They. think. she’s. trash.
It’s just absolutely beyond me, but she is convinced that he will break up with her. She says that when a guy from India (or similar area) takes a girl home, its basically for permission to marry her. I can understand his parents’ whole different culture thing, but he’s been raised in the country, so he’s pretty encultured to the US. I just can’t imagine putting my parents wishes over something so important as.. uh, they person you plan on marrying.
It is completely beyond me and I will never understand this. I hope it works out though. I hope he comes around. If you guys were completely happy like you said, then he’d probably going to miss you alot!
Post # 9
Ok, what I want to tell you is that you two should do what you two want to do, but I’m not going to say that.
The fact that his parent’s opinion was SO IMPORTANT to him to the point that he BROKE UP with you speaks volumes. He either isn’t mature enough to have his own life or he is still so dependent on them and their opinions that even if you two were to go against his parents wishes, you can be sure that you would be miserable with all of their meddling, intervention into your relationship.
If your BF doesn’t go out of his way to make this up to you and show that only his opinion and his love for you is the most important thing, you have dodged a bullet.
When people say that you don’t just marry your fiance, you also marry their family, believe them. It’s true. It’s possible to have a good marriage, but have a strained relationship with your in-laws, but as long as you and your husband are a team, you will survive. Your boyfriend has proven that you and him are not a team. He and his parents are a team.
I don’t think you should try to get back together with him unless he came to you and tried to make ammends and make a point to tell his parents that their opinion, while he respects it, will not deter him.
Best of luck to you though – I can’t imagine how awful you feel. (HUGS)!!! There is someone better out there for you if he is not willing to fight for you.
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I just want to go back and say: EVERYTHING @Mrs. Louboutin said. It’s silly that he actually broke up with you because they didn’t like you after ONE meeting (which was what I was responding to), but the fact that he did is sort of the largest red flag out there. I kind of glossed over that part.
Post # 11
really?!? seriously!?!? he did that???
hate to say it but if hes weak enough to break up with someone he supposedly loves just because his parents think you are incompatable, count your lucky stars and move on.
no man should be THAT dependent on his parents and their opinions. cut the purse strings already.
honestly you will find someone who loves you for you regardless of anyone says, family or not. if he comes around, great, if not, it might just be for the best.
Post # 12
One follow up question? How old are you two?
If you two are like 18 and freshman in college, I can kind of understand his opinion and chaulk it up to immaturity, especially if his parents are footing a private college tuition bill. Then, I would just maybe wait and see if he comes around and have a long talk with him.
Other than that, there is absolutely no excuse for this.
Post # 13
FI’s parents were initially opposed to me (because of my race and cultural background). There were several months when FI would say, ‘I want you to meet my girlfriend because I want to get married,’ and his mother would say ‘SERIOUSLY??’ and then walk away. But he knew his mind, knew we worked, and refused to give up. Finally they met me, accepted me, and totally changed their opinion. This has happened to several of my friends. The most important thing in parental-opposition situations is that there has to be a will on the part of the child to stick up for their choices and their partner. If your ex-BF will not advocate for you…or for his own choices, then I think that is a much bigger issue than his parent’s opinion. If he is not going to stick up for you now, he will never do so.
Best of luck to you. I hope that either your ex can see the error in his ways and fight for your relationship with his parents (AND apologize to you), or that you can move on and find a man who is completely committed to you. hugs.
Post # 14
Thank you so much for your words. I know I deserve better than this but it’s so hard to accept his parent’s narrowmindness. We are not 18. I’m 25 and he’s 26. He is not financially attached to them at all. He has a great job and hasn’t depended on them for years. Throughout the year of dating his parents never seemed to have a say in anything which is why I’m shocked they are suddenly speaking up. My family has said the same thing that he is weak and under the control of his mother. However, I’ve never seen this side of him. I’m hoping that time apart will make him see how great we had it. But I’m trying to be strong and move on. It’s just the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Thank you for your support and words of wisdom.
Post # 15
I DO think you in a way marry their family. They aren’t going away.
In this case, the fact that his parents don’t like you and he broke up with you, it’s obvious you would indeed be marrying his parents.
But Mrs. Louboutin said it better.LOL
Post # 16
I have a question. You said, “We knew that if either set of parents disapproved our relationship would have to end.” Did you mean that? What if your parents didn’t approve of him?
I think in many situations, though not all, disapproving parents can make life difficult for a couple. So I can’t really argue with the marrying the family bit. But it isn’t always doom if families are disapproving.
However, I agree wit hthe pps. If he was the quick to break up with you because of one meeting, I’m not sure if you’d ever come first.
I’m sorry. I hope he comes around. But if not, maybe you can find this as a blessing, in time.