(Closed) His sisters are ruining my wedding

posted 7 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Keep them in, its too late… But I never would have included them in the first place. In an ideal world, you would only inlclude those who are ABSOLUTELY closest to you that have already seen you through thick and thin and not have any obligatory bridesmaids. It seems the “obligatory” choices are always the ones causing the problems… Because when similar things happen but its from YOUR best friend, you know how to handle it, or you can sit back and say, “Well, she’s being herself again..” MUCH harder to do with people you hardly know.

Post # 4
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

the same thing happened to my friend, the sisters never got better they were no where to be found during the wedding. they were just evil. I have my BF’s 3 sisters in my wedding and told them right off the bat that if they acted like that they were out… so far so good with 2 months to go. Give them one more chance and as soon as they show that they dont care kick them out!

Post # 6
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

WOW thats a lot of bridesmaids and groomsmen :O

I think that you will have to keep then in… i think it might make things worse if you go back and say “nah i dont actually want you in it”, just keep them in it but try not to let them worry you… just think of it as they are just coming to the wedding but they will be standing up the front with you… dont expect them to help with anything otherwise you might get upset if they fail to do something you ask.

I hope it does go well… just remember… its not about the day really… your marrying the man that you love, joining as one <3 thats all that counts. As much as everything is pretty thats the only things in the end that counts <3

Dont stress to much!

xx

Post # 7
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Um, I don’t think them showing up late is that big a deal.  It’s inconsiderate and rude but not enough to start a war. Sisters are bitches, your the new girl and will probably be the odd man out, forever, They are going to take a long time to accept you, trust me. But by causing drama it will be worse in the end, specifically with your FMIL. Keep them at arms length. Tell them what kind of dress to wear and when to be somewhere and thats it. My FI has all brothers, but the SIL’s were just as bad. I made a huge deal out of things that I probably shouldn’t have and it ultimatley made things worse. Even things that were hurtful and horrible on their part. They probably didn’t think being late would be that big a deal since you had other family and friends there. These girls are going to be here forever and they will eventually come around. As crappy as it is your wedding isnt as big a deal to you as it is to other people. Don’t put your FI in the middle of it and just know how they are.

🙂 Don’t let them ruin your day.

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

as im not aware of the family dynamics im thinking you had eight hours (wow) booked to try on dresses – with ten other women so maybe they thought they would skip a few hours for some personal time and then join yoiu – which they did

now yes they were rude to not phone/text to say they were going to be late but i wouldnt start a war with all four (yikes FOUR) of my FI’s sisters over this – really, its a lot of drama being in the one place with ten women so even i (who hates letting people down) would be rolling my eyes at 8 hours of dress shopping with that many people

if i was you i would try to step back and let things cool down, try to reconnect with them on a polite non wedding basis and hope for the best – personally i think you should start stocking up on asprin and booze, a wedding party of 20 – wow.  goodluck!!!

 

Post # 11
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If it took you kicking them out of the wedding for them to wake up, I think that is really telling.  To me, they have shown that they are not in this for the right reason.  I would kick them out, but I do understand being in a rough spot.  Sometimes it is easier to suck it up and just let them stay in so you don’t cause issues in the future.   They might hold it against you in the future.  However, I don’t think they deserve to me in your wedding.

Post # 12
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would leave them in the wedding and just keep going forward.  Keep w/ your planning, etc and don’t worry about it.  They will eventually come around and share in the joy or just be participants.  Nothing wrong w/ that. 

Personally I wouldn’t have a separate sitdown because what will be gained.  Just continue to invite them to all events besides just wedding events.  Your going to be family now. 

Here’s my story:  I’m one of four sisters and 2 of us were BMs in one of my SIL wedding.(Other 2 were out of state.)  I was the absentee BM until the day of the wedding.(Various reasons having nothing to do w/ my SIL.)  My Mom and another sister, who was the other BM, were more involved.  Now day of, I was everyone’s assistant.  As well as all of my sisters. 

 

Post # 13
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ugh.  I’d be so tempted to keep them out of the wedding.  I don’t think you’ll ever be happy with them standing up next to you.  However, you might have to keep them in if you want to have a shot at a good relationship with his family 🙁

Post # 13
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I wouldn’t have asked them in the first place unless I wanted to vs feeling obligated.  I dont think any bride should do something because they feel like everyone else is expecting them to.  Their behavoir is unnacceptable.  I’m sure people will respect their wishes when it’s their turn (or if it happened already).  I understand why you’d be upset and you should be.  If they’re behavior continues I’d kick them out big time.

Post # 14
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

My future sister in law is an obligatory bridesmaid, I wanted to avoid my fiance’s side of the family gossiping about a possible scandal as to why she wasn’t in the wedding party. She was almost out though. I’ve tried really hard for 6 years to have a really good close relationship with her and her parents, but it seems that in recent times she must have become too comfortable with me because she stopped trying to impress me and started treating me the way she treats my fiance and her parents…like crap! She really is a grown up version of a spoiled little kid who throws massive tantrums, never thinks she is to blame for anything, and LOVES drama.

At any rate, I almost kicked her out of the party at one point, after I had asked my sister to be the matron of honor and her to be the maid of honor. we had been close for a while and i thought i should have both my old sister and my new one honored. BIG mistake. She threw a tantrum that her brother wouldn’t pay for her oil filter and then fix her car..she was too stubborn to pay for her own oil filter and when her parents wouldnt either she just BLEW UP and that combined with my fiance’s critisism of her stealing $800 from her parents and me mistakenly trying to get involved….and deleted us off her facebook friends list (dont laugh, her LIFE is facebook so that means something significant to her 20-year-old self) And now a few months later she wrote me a letter basically saying nothing was her fault but she’s ready to stop fighting and make up so thats that…and things have just been uncomfortable for me since because i not only have never been treated so disrespectful in my life by anyone, but i find the type of person she is to be disgusting. Too many disgusting attributes in one girl. I wish i didnt have to know her. I am a really kind good natured person so it just really appals me. So yea, hang in there, i think its common for sister-in-laws to be monstors and we just gotta deal…

Post # 15
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You can’t kick them out because they didn’t show up or were late for wedding dress shopping, bridesmaids aren’t even required to come dress shopping. Don’t you think it would of been much better for you to not act bothered at all by it, so they would get absolutely no reaction from you? But instead you cancelled your day, fiance screamed, you cried and yelled, and they were able to cause a ton of drama. Why give them that power? Allowing their lateness/rudeness to disrupt so much just doesn’t make sense. Ignore them, and be cordial when you are around them. If you don’t want them as BMs anyways then it shouldn’t matter if they’re helping with the shower, shopping, etc. Spare yourself the drama and just lower your expectations, if they show up on the wedding day in the right dress you’re good to go.

 

That said, I think you did the right thing by keeping them in. They really haven’t done anything to ruin your wedding, they’re just not as involved in the pre-wedding activities as you would like them to be. But kicking them out definitely has the potential to make things bad and awkward on the wedding day, so yes you did the right thing! But if you spent 2 months planning your dress shopping appointment, it sounds like you have very high expectations of exactly how you want everything to go, so just as a warning I would try to work on that, because on the wedding day at least a few things will go wrong. So now is the time to work on not getting so worked up when these sort of things happen.

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