holding hands/hugging with a friend? advice quickly needed!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: is it ok to hold hands/ hug with a friend you want to be closer to without it being romantic/sexual?
    yes : (23 votes)
    13 %
    no : (152 votes)
    83 %
    other : (8 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 4
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If i was the Girlfriend I would have a problem with it. i don’t think you should persue it.

    Post # 5
    16 posts

    @scarlette:  With all niceness here, I think it is inappropriate to hold hands with him. A quick hug hello and goodbye is cool. Perhaps you need more physical affection from your partner, GFS, animals(?) and parents? 

    I think it would bemuse and annoy me if my Boyfriend or Best Friend was holding hands with one of his friends that are girls, and his love language is physical touch too. 

    Post # 6
    3782 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I find the whole concept weird.  But maybe I don’t really understand.

    Post # 7
    8216 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Holding hands with anyone other than your SO is a big no-no IMO.

    Post # 8
    1042 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

     I don’t think this is a good idea, especially if you have to mention to him that you want to begin to do these things. It strikes me as odd. If eventually you guys hug goodbye, it should come naturally with time, if at all.

    If I was his girlfriend, or your boyfriend it would annoy me a lot. 

    I hope you aren’t offended by this, and I could be completly wrong but this comment, “i don’t really have romantic feelings towards him and am not physically attracted (my boys way hotter in my oppinion!) but he seems to be on my mind often-ish and i have had some dreams he was in lately,” makes it seem like what you actually want to do is test the waters. Again, I could have read too much into this, but it jumped out at me as an off statement.

    Post # 9
    263 posts
    Helper bee

    Sorry, but physical contact of that type is pre-sexual. It’s inappropriate to hold hands or have extended hugs with a man who has a SO, or while you have a SO.

    Please don’t go down this slippery slope.

    Post # 10
    2607 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Physical touch/quality time are my love languages as well, but I have never, ever, ever felt the desire to hold the hand of one of my friends, especially not one of the opposite sex.  I also don’t hug my opposite-gendered friends, but if I did, it would be, as another friend suggested, a very brief “see you later” hug.  The fact that you and he are both in relationships with other people, I don’t think I would even do that much.  The fact that you want to…I think you may have more than just “friendship” feelings for this guy.


    Post # 11
    9917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I have a few guy friends, and one of them I will hug goodbye or hello.  BUT…we see each other infrequently, and I live in another town now, so it’s like, Oh hi good friend I never see anymore!!  When I lived in Philly we did not hug hello or goodbye.  

    Holding hands, though…that’s all romantical.  I ONLY want to hold my fiance’s hand.  

    Post # 12
    3626 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would be furious with my Fiance if I found out he was holding hands with another girl.

    Post # 13
    807 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Coming from the perspective of someone who is very much a hugger/touchy-feely by nature…i think you need to reconsider. You might truly not intend anything by it, but at the very least you have to consider how it would be perceived by others–by your friend, by your SO, and by any other outsider.

    IMO, hugging is ok if it’s the same type of brief “buddy” hug you would give any other friend; not ok if it’s more of an embrace. The handholding is just a big NO. There are very specific connotations/assumptions that go along with that kind of physical contact, and even if your intentions are pure, I can almost guarantee that your message will be misinterpreted.

    Post # 15
    9917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @scarlette:  I think you have to be very mindful about what kind of relationship you want with this guy.  If you think he has a cool personality, and is someone you’d like to be friends with, fine…but if you are interested in him as more than friends (which is how I see it when someone wants to hold hands with someone else), you are treading into dangerous water.  Maybe invite him and his girlfriend to hang out with you and your boyfriend…

    Post # 16
    1081 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010


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