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![A Waiting Story from a New Bee [long, sorry!]](http://boards-static.weddingbee.com/images/right-loop-button-on.gif)
1st off: Welcome to the Bee! :)
2nd: I'm not sure how long it's been since I broached the marriage subject with my guy. 2 nights ago we talked about my right hand ring looking similar to the engagement ring I want one day. But it was fashion jewelry related, not quite wedding related. And before that it's been so long I don't have a clear memory of when I last brought it up. I don't typically struggle with it, but I like knowing that lots of time has passed between our discussions. Makes me feel like they are natural rather than forced.
But I'm inspired. :) My next "possible proposal month" is September. So in light of your new goal I'd like to join you. I will keep my mouth securely sealed with you until September 5th and I can't wait to see your posts in the future. Good luck!!! :)
Well, i'm not in this boat with you, but I do empathize to a degree. I just can't imagine getting so upset over something that is inevitable. You know its coming. He's even gone as far as to ask your father for your hand. Its not a trick or some slight of hand. Its coming, any day now, so why are you being so bent out of shape because it's not on your time line?
I've known several of my sorority sisters to do this exact same thing and talk themselves right out of a boyfriend/fiancé. They weren't the desperate, clingy, controlling type either, but this one concept made them nuts. One of the former to be fiancés even enlisted a few of us to help him pick out the ring and come up with a really sweet plan of action to ask her, but she couldn't let it go that he didn't ask her on her birthday. She blew up at him in the middle of a social night, one evening, and turned to walk out on him when he grabbed her arm, spun her around and threw the ring he'd had in his pocket for weeks in her face. He told her that she was a spoiled brat and that he was grateful she'd shown her true colours to him before he'd asked her to share his life with him. They never recovered and she is still single to this day. (He is happily married to one of my other sisters)
My point is, get a grip on yourself. You are on the right path, coming here for support, but seriously- calm down. This isn't as big a deal as you are making it. He probably feels all this pressure on him to make this amazing speech and to create this "perfect moment" for you and you aren't helping by blowing up on him every other day that he's not done it yet. You're right, this is cyclical and you are the only one who can break the cycle.
So keep going to the gym, keep hanging out with your pals, keep coming here when you feel weak, but you have got to let it go. A man needs a certain amount of control over things in his life and this is something you're just gonna have to give him, hun.
*hugs* So here is your reality check. Cash it in any time, right here. :)
@MsGigi Great advice. We all need this reminder from time-to-time.
@futuremrsbb I'm not quite at the point you're at but I'll certainly try to help hold you accountable. I will so be in your shoes in about 6-9 months if I haven't gotten a proposal yet! :)
This sounds like a very healthy thing to do. I've read Mr. Bee's Plan, but I'm not quite sure who he is and what his credentials are. Whoever he is, his plan seems to be working for a lot of people! Your attitude seems very positive and this board is great for support during those moments of weakness. Keep us posted on your progress or anything Mr. B has to say.
Oh also...you might not want to make the Jimmy Choos a daily reward or you won't have anything left to spend on the wedding!
Good luck - it is about living your life and not waiting for it to start. Sooner he realises that your not just going to mope and hang around waiting, you enjoy your life and it may kickstart him thinking "hang on, if I don't do something quick, she may just decide to go on and live her life without me"
Its reverse pychology - take away what hes used to (you) and he will want you more.
@futuremrsbb: Woo Hoo! *sprays champagne on everyone*
Good for you. It's tough to do at first, but eventually it feels fantastic!
Gwen
@futuremrsbb: Good luck! I'm waiting until the end of the month...Fi has told me he will propose this month so I'm on pins and needles waiting for him to ask me. It's so hard NOT to mention marriage to him, and I really really struggle with it every day. if I do do it, I try to do it in a teasing way, but I have to think about it conciously because otherwise I'd be a mess. Good thing I have a lot of stuff to keep us busy this month.
I am SO joining you on this. I do the EXACT same thing... word vomit at it's finest, I tell you!! Thanks for this challenge, I am ON BOARD!! *(Jimmy) choo choo*
This Mr. Bee guy has absolutely no credentials. Don't listen to a word he says!!!!!
@mrbee: ROFL Mr Bee. Your plan works! I've seen it in action. You don't always need training to be good at what you do. Rachel Ray isn't a trained chef, but her food sure is yum-o, lol.
I TOTALLY get what you're doing futuremrsbb, and I'm behind you! I definitely struggle to keep my mouth shut at times. I don't want wedding talk to become annoying before there's even an official wedding-but at the same time, we live together and share expenses so I feel like if I don't remind him that we're NOT married, he'll just continue to let it slide because what's the difference, right? I feel like I gave the milk away for free and now I'm expecting him to buy the cow--if you know what I'm saying.
I don't have a timeline because I know it's going to happen soon (we already got rings), but I'm going to join in on putting the kabash on the M word until it happens. You can count on me for support!
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Hi there, I need you! I need your help to hold me accountable. I will be journaling nightly if possible, and every other night or so at the very least regarding Mr. Bee's plan and TESTING IT IN REAL LIFE AND SHARE MY RESULTS LIVE WITH ALL OF YOU!!
I am a successful southern belle head over heels with the man of my dreams. We have been together for a year and a half and are an early 30's couple. We talked of marriage and dreams all day every single day in our first blissful year. He did promise me that by early summer I'd have that ring. HIS IDEA not mine... I expected that ring to come anyday now and BAM! Poof! nothing...I am sure you can all relate. He asked my dads hand over a month ago. We don't ever get into it- unless it is about this...I googled my heart out and found this message board. Thank GOD! I like to say that up until the big let down of the proposal not happening after months of discussing...I began my resentment phase. I lost my cool, I lost my confidence, basically- I started this roller coaster ride that I refuse to be a part of any longer because it is ruining our relationship at this point. I have tried and tried to not bring up M word...it never works. One, two glasses of red wine or a weak moment in time where he looks at me the wrong way and I cry, resent, and explode on him. I have become the needy uncool girl that loses the guy in the movies. It had become a CYCLE!!!
I joined a bible group, I started pilates, I hung out with my gals a night or two a month in the past few months. Nothing...bc all my effort went to nothing when I would randomly explode each week throwing it all away. No one has held me accountable and apparently, I am not strong enough to do this alone. I am enlisting you bee's to help me help us!!! HELP!!!!! HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE!!!!! Anyone else on the same timeline want to be accountability buds??? Seriously. I am grossing myself out here with my bad behavior, I am like a little kid...UNTIL NOW. TODAY IS THE DAY I SET MYSELF FREE :-) TODAY IS THE DAY I DO THE MR. BEE PLAN! HERE GOES NOTHING!
Here is the deal. Today is July 5 right? I am giving him until September 5. 61 days...SECRETLY...well sort of. I did once have an explosion and say that I was done Labor Day weekend but then apologized many times and have been forgiven. I know...disgusting behavior. I lose all perspective at times. I swear I am not nuts...
So back to it- TODAY IS DAY 1. No discussions of marriage. None. Success today! I went to the gym too and did the elliptical, I got a facial too, oh...and some new Jimmy Choo's to start this 61 days of hell off :-) I feel I got my groove back a little with the cardio. It definitely helps! Overall I was a success today.
I am popping a bottle of make believe champagne today for all of us who have gotten 1 day behind us, lets celebrate the little wins! WOO HOO!