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I have no problems with everyone and their mother coming to visit...I am not one of those people that feels that we need "time to bond" with the baby. This child will be coming home wiht us and staying with us. I can give up a few days of it's life to other family members and friends.
Family memembers=great, strangers in the store=not great
ETA: I think short visits at the hospital were nice because you don't feel like you have to entertain anyone. Spaced out visits once home were ok, but its a lot pressure on new parents to be put together and have the house picked up-when they bring snacks that is nice though. As far holding, I was fine with visitors holding my girls.
I think I'd be perfectly fine with visitors and have no problems with people coming by to see my baby. I dont need it to be *just* us to bond to be able to bond with our child. There is already a bond between baby and me that vistors cannot possibly even touch or come remotely close to damaging by being there. And yes, most my friends and family have had or been around newborns already are are well aware of how to hold a baby, so no problems there either.
I didn't want a lot of people coming to visit mostly because I never got that nesting instinct and my house was a disaster and I wasn't up to making it look presentable but as far as those that did visit holding baby, I had no problem with it. If any one was sick or thought they might be sick, they were respectful and didn't come over.
I'm replying as the visitor: I am usually SHOCKED if a newborn is offered up to be held and I wait until offered and would NEVER ask.
I had a friend whose hubby greeted me at the door with hand sanitizer in hand - ready to help pump in into mine. I thought it was adorable. :)
I think it totally depends on the person and what they are comfortable with...
I had all kinds of people visit in the first two weeks. And I encouraged them all to hold the baby. Because he was a preemie, the doctor advised us to have people wash their hands first and everyone who visited was happy to comply.
While he of course was my baby, he was also their grandson, nephew, cousin, etc. and I wanted everyone who wanted a chance to hold him for themselves. Newborns just don't last very long and I almost felt an obligation to share him with everyone who loved him. I also knew if Grandma or Aunt Linda, or Uncle Mike or whoever was holding him, I could relax for a few minutes.
From what I heard from friends, it better to have a good couple weeks to yourself (including husband) to bond with the baby. Unless you have a friend or family member who has been through it and knows to give us space.
As a visitor: My friend called me and told us we were welcome to come visit them in the hospital. I was pretty shocked because she had mentioned before that she only wanted family there, but glad she wanted us there. We actually ended up going to see them the day they got to bring their baby home at their home - I felt a little awkward, but she was happy to have someone there to hold the baby so she could get a little rest!
Side note, I still feel really awkward when I hold a newborn.
I might be in the minority here... I understand people want to come over and meet the new family member, and that's fine. But I think a part of me will feel the need to entertain those people when they come over and that's something I'd rather do without. I think I'd rather have people visit in the hospital, but ask that once I'm home, they give me a few days to rest and adjust to being a mom. Unless, of course, they want to bring food or do some laundry/house keeping for me ;-)
For the first few weeks of my daughter's life, I really didn't want to hand her over to visitors. I was more comfortable with my parents, my in-laws, and our best friends holding her, but we had a couple other friends and co-workers visit, and I didn't hand them DD unless they specifically asked. Even then, it was for pretty limited time periods. It had nothing to do with our visitors; I just felt most comfortable when I was holding her for those first few weeks. Blame it on hormones or being a first time mom, but I didn't want to share my baby. :)
Before my third child's birth, I would have said yes, of course, come visit! I had always made sure everyone got to see the baby and got a hug and a (tired) smile, but with the last one, I was just so exhausted. I wanted to sleep and then there was a knock on the door. Now I'd ask everyone to wait.
I wouldn't ever just walk over and pick up someone's child (well, other than my sisters as of this point theoretical children). But my friends had a baby about a year ago and invited us to come visit in the hospital. I exspected to talk for a few minutes and leave but my friend was like, "Sure hold him if you want!" which I gleefully did. I have never seen a cuter 7 hour old baby. :) FI wouldn't touch him though because he was afraid of breaking the bitty baby.
I love babies so it always makes me a little sad when close friends (again not like, minor, i know someone who knows you) won't let me hold their baby. I get it, but it isn't like I am going to run off with your child. And I'm not dumb enough to ask to hold them if I'm sick. They are more likely to catch some disease from the hospital beds and nurse's scrubs than your well friends.
I let everyone hold DD when we first brought her home. My friends and family made me feel like I was the first woman ever to give birth-they were so excited for me, not to mention bringing all kinds of food,and gifts, even after they had gotten us shower gifts. Everyone went out of their way and above and beyond. If holding my kid for 60 seconds brightens their day-go ahead and hold her!
Oh ps-regarding entertaining. I didn't do crap. People were happy to sit there and watch me breastfeed and talk about their experiences. It was entertainment in itself. Also, people will bring champagne. Now one day I did bust out the new chine for tea and whatnot, but my MIL handwashed everything after it was used. =)
@Neva: "While he of course was my baby, he was also their grandson, nephew, cousin, etc. and I wanted everyone who wanted a chance to hold him for themselves."
I totally agree with this. And having people over for short visits isn't going to change or diminish the bond you have with your newborn child.
I'm not particularly fond of having company over as it is, so I will probably be doubly anti-social once there's a newborn in the picture. Like BabeyBoecksMom I would rather visitors get their baby fix in the hospital and then leave me the hell alone for a bit until I've gotten used to being in baby mode.
I had a hard time with people coming and taking my baby away from me, but I know I'm a crazy attached mommy so I try to keep it to myself and let them hold her :) Especially because I wanted her to get used to being with other people so she wouldn't always just want her mommy... which she ended up just wanted me all the time anyway.
I'm like a lot of other folks that yes, immediate family and close friends are more than welcome to visit. But I did tell DH that after the birth, I want at least a little time at the hospital for the 3 of us (and for me to get cleaned up and look presentable. To make sure that happens, I think we'll plan to hold off on telling our parents for a few hours. And to make sure they understand that visitors to the hospital should be restricted to our parents and our siblings (DH's sister had everyone and their uncle over and that's just not my style).
I'll probably ask people to wash their hands before I offer to let them hold the baby, just to be careful. And ask our friends and extended family to call ahead before visiting to make sure we'll be home and it will be a convenient time. I refuse to feel obligated to entertain though and plan on having no problem with "gracefully" ushering people out the door with a "well, thanks for visiting, but it's time for mommy's nap now."
I would probably keep visitors really limited. Probably just immediate family for the first couple of weeks. I have watched friends/family become overwhelmed by visitors. My sister after both of her births had me kick people out of her home, because she didn't want to be the bad guy.
My mom flew in when the baby was born, but had to fly back out at two days old. I had ZERO issue with my mom holding the baby, but my mom isn't really intrusive or overbearing. She was supportive, and helped me get through those first couple painful days.
But I wasn't in any shape to see guests until about three or four weeks. The only person I would have let visit is my mom because she's seen me in worse shape than after childbirth. But no one else on earth has, so no way I wanted them there while I was so...ick.
Well since Alex is almost a week old and in the NCIU unit at the hosptial with being a premie, both set of grandparents have seen him and one uncle/aunt/nephew have seen him. Though only people who have held him is DH and I and my mother. Everyone else has seen him in his incubator and only touched him through the incubator. With being in the NCIU unit we have to wash our hands anyway to get in so, I am not to worried.
With my first It was show up come on stay as long as you like you just wont be in the room while I push. And Before they kicked everyone out for me to push 14 people were in my room only Fi and my mom were allowed for pushing.
With #2 I had a cracked rib and my epidural didnt work I was in pain and only a VERY limited number of people were allowed up at the hospital Even after the baby was born. (mind you this was during the N1H1 scare) and I had my first group of people come about 3 weeks after the baby was born and killed myself trying to make sure the apartment was perfect for them to come over.
i was okay with having immediate family members and a few closer friends visit in the first few weeks. me and dh live in different states then both of our families, so we didn't have to worry about them just stopping by. all of our local friends are the types to wait until they're invited, so we just didnt invite them. but we did welcome each set of grandparents, my sister, and two of my best friends for long weekend or week long visits over the first 2 months. it wasn't stressful since they understood that i wasn't about to be entertaining or cleaning for anyone, and each came ready to help however they could - cleaning, cooking, keeping me company when dh went back to work, etc. two of my best friends who live close by also stopped by to meet the baby - one at the hospital the day after he was born. one of my coworkers came to the hospital unannounced and uninvited to meet the baby on day 3, but she only stayed 5 mins and didn't try to touch or hold him. it was kind of annoying but harmless.
as far as holding the baby, i'm pretty open to letting others hold him to show him off...cause he's just so darn cute! and since he's only met our families and best friends, i feel like it's important for them to develop a relationship with him to (it's takes a village!). but i was not shy at all about asking people to wash or sanitize their hands before holding the baby. i've purposely not invited people over or gone to visit anyone that i didn't want to hold the baby just cause i feel uncomfortable at the thought of someone asking and me having to say no.
I had visitors the 1st week. I had a c-section, but all I did was sit and visitors just looked at her, not held her, although a couple of aunts did. It was no big deal. We still bonded as a family, we live together, the other ppl don't live here.LOL
To be honest, I don't like a ton of vistors over my house so it will most likely be family only and only my sisters, Mom, Grandma and his Mom holding our baby the first couple of weeks.
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How do you all feel about having friends hold your new born or visiting you in the beginning? I only ask because a friend of mine has very different views than I do (not judging-- she's allowed!) so I was just curious to see how everyone else feels.
Do you want friends/family to visit you during the first few weeks (for a short 20 minute visit... nothing crazy like staying at your house)?
Will you let friends/family hold your baby?