Holiday advice needed

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Should I send her a card?
    Yes, it's friendly and in the Christmas spirit! : (29 votes)
    48 %
    No! You've never even met her! : (3 votes)
    5 %
    Yes, pick out a card with her son and send one together! : (25 votes)
    41 %
    Send a card and call her, weirdo! : (4 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Welcome to the waiting hive newbie.

    I think it’s a good idea to send her a card, with your SO, together.

    Also, if she asks to talk to you again, suck it up and take 5 minutes to chat.

    “Hi I’m Jinxy, and I’ve heard so many things about you”.  Let her respond.  Respond appropriately.  Follow up with:  “I’m excited to meet you one day sooner rather than later hopefully”.  Let her respond.  Respond appropriately.  If you are still feeling awkward and the conversation is not flowing the right way, just say “It was nice to have a quick chat with you, I’m going to hand the phone back to SO as I was in the middle of cooking dinner/walking the dog/lame excuse here” (even better if you were in the middle of something)…..if you don’t have a great excuse, BOLT to the bathroom.  Then you can say to your SO “I’m sorry I just really had to go” or something like that to save face. 

    BUT geeze you can’t just dodge the phone because it’s awkward if you really want to marry this guy, you need to take at least some time to build rapport with the mother of your SO.

    Post # 5
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    If your SO will go for it send a joint Christmas card.  My SO refused to send joint cards until after the wedding so this year is the first we’re sending joint cards.  I also don’t see anything wrong with sending her a card just from you.

    Post # 6
    1670 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I sent my FI’s mother a christmas card when we were still dating – and we hadn’t met yet, we live in different countries. She loved it! Also… if she asks to speak to you on the phone next time, just do it. I don’t like the phone either but just grit your teeth and go in for it if this is the man you are going to marry.

    Post # 7
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    There’s nothing wrong or weird about sending a Christmas card to her.  If you feel really awkward about it, then I would recommend sending one from both you and your SO.  That would be 0% weird.  🙂

    Post # 8
    451 posts
    Helper bee

    You don’t need to send a joint card. Send one yourself with a note saying you hope to meet her soon. 

    I don’t see the problem with Facebook as a gateway. I first met my FIL about 6 months into our relationship and it was very awkward (his mom and his first wife were like oil and water. Ok, gasoline and a match). But she sent me an email after that asking for me to email the pics from that day and we keep in touch regularly. Why not take a good pic of you SO and post it to her page saying you thought she would love a pic of her handsome son. A logical next step from “liking” is to go to commenting. Then inbox chat. I hate getting thrown on the phone unexpectedly with my own family members. Much less someone else’s that I haven’t met yet!

    Post # 9
    212 posts
    Helper bee

    I think it would be a lovely gesture for you to send a card to her, i’m sure she would love it and would definitely get you bonus points in her book, for sure!


    Post # 10
    2125 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I would send her a card. It is a nice gesture and it would show her that you have a serious interest in her son. It could even be a nice ice-breaker! 

    Post # 13
    24 posts

    Send a card and call her! The longer you wait to contact her, the more awkward it’ll be! And from experience… Lots of moms have pull over their sons that their wives /girlfriends/fiancés don’t! If she gets a bad vibe from you, she could make things difficult for you. However, if she really likes you, then she will make things easier for you! I have experience on both sides of the coin !

    A personal example is when my FMIL went with my SO to look at the house he made an offer on, and she convinced him to pull the offer, and put an offer on a WAY nicer house that was tens of thousands of dollars higher than his budget (which was too low). I didn’t even dare suggest that house because he would get made at me for suggesting anything $1k over budget!


    Post # 14
    1007 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Jinxy:  I am 100% with you on the phone thing–I get anxiety being on the phone too. I’m more of the email/text type. Send her a card, jointly or otherwise. I’m sure she’d appreciate the gesture.

    Post # 15
    3016 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

    Go for it!! I think it’s a lovely idea. 😀

    Post # 16
    172 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I think it’s a lovely idea!

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