- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
Here I come to you again with my weird family issues. . . blargh.
So, my parents (esp. my mother) and my SO don’t get along well, though it is mostly because my parents assume things about him that are untrue and up to now they pretty much haven’t given him any chances to show them what kind of person he really is (he is wonderful and we see each other in each other’s lives for many years). We have been together for almost 4 years. I’m in my mid-20’s and he’s a bit over 10 years older than me.
Needless to say, the situation with my family makes holidays complicated. He’s never been to my parents’ house for a holiday, whereas I have been to all of them at his. My extended family welcomes him, and we have been to THEIR holidays several times, but my parents are weird. I have gone to my parents’ home for holidays without him in the past, but that seems like an immature and stupid thing to do– he’s my partner, I shouldn’t have to leave him behind!
So, this year, it’s looking like his family will be having Thanksgiving on the proper day. He and I will go to that. My parents asked me (just me, of course) to come see them for a small celebration on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. . . my mother “doesn’t feel like having guests” says my father. . . she is currently dealing with her own mother being ill, but there is always some excuse for my mother “not wanting guests,” every year. I understand that my mother is probably emotionally exhausted from dealing with her mother’s illness, so I respect her wanting a restful holiday. But I don’t feel it’s fair of my parents to ask me to come have a holiday celebration with them, without my SO, even if it is not on the “proper” day.
To make things more complicated, my father said that he and my mother (apparently) were thinking of having a Hanukkah party, to which my SO and I, and couple friends of ours who are Jewish, would be invited to. It is VERY nice (considering the history) that my father suggested this. . . but who knows if it will happen. . . last year they said they might do a New Year’s party and have us both come, and they never had the party. So I don’t know how sincere/realistic/likely to happen that invitation was.
So, what I’m wondering is, should I just suck it up & go see my parents for their little family T’giving without my SO since I get to be with him for his family’s holiday, and because my father extended that invitation to both of us for the hypothetical Hanukkah party? Or should I stick up for my and my SO’s partnership and refuse to celebrate any holidays without him? The latter is something I’ve often gotten from the Bee before, and I’m not sure if it’s right in this particular situation, so I guess I’m hoping for a spectrum of responses for help figuring out what is reasonable and respectful to everyone.