Post # 1
Hi bees! I’m writing wondering how you guys pull off the holidays? My FIs family lives 2.5 hrs away from me and my family. We spent Thanksgiving with my mother and her husband. We planned to see his parents in the afternoon, because my FI actually lives in a city near where his parents are. When we got to his house, his parents were shopping. So, that meeting didnt happen. I didnt hear anything negative from that about this incident.
Well, now that Christmas is coming, the problems are here full foeve. I’ve hosted Christmas Eve lunch at my house for the four yrs I’ve lived here. It works because my parents are divorced. I can invite all of my family over and have a merry time. Being that FI and my family haven’t met, and his parents have never made the drive down here, I thought it would be great to invite them so that they could meet my family, too. So, my FI did and theY accepted. Well fast forward to this weekend, and FMIL texts me about their Christmas Eve plans and hoping that my son and I could be there. I’m like… Huh? Even though I know she knows this already, I text her that I’m cooking at my house and I was hoping they could come and meet my family. Her response, “lol we will see”. So, I ask my FI what this is about.. He says she’s just being nuts bc she’s knows Christmas Eve is at my house. She then texted me that she hopes we can make it but if we can’t shed send our gifts with FI. Then I get it, she’s thinking that FI is going to leave me and my son to spend christmas eve with his family. All the while, we’ve made it clear we will all be going there on Christmas Day! I figure, at this point, I have nothing left to say so I don’t respond.
That evening, she calls my FI nonchanontly explaining how they will come to my house for a little while, but he needs to be ready to leave with them early. He then explains to her that he isn’t going and wed all be there for Christmas. She immediately bursts into tears and tells him he is breaking his fathers heart. Super manipulative craziness. Next year we will be married, will she expect me to forget about my family? Or maybe for my husband to forget about us again? He is distraught, bc he doesn’t want his mother to be hurt. I feel like she is trying to show me who the boss is, and can’t deal with the fact that she isn’t in control. Am I being overly sensitive? This isn’t the first time she’s been passive aggressive. she makes comments all the time about how we never go To visit. We actually do, but unless wed be there every weekend, she won’t be satisfied. She doesn’t understand that I’m the working mother of an 8 yr old and cant make a 2.5 hr trip every weekend. She’s a SAHM and has no sense of reality. I’m exhausted with this.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@msmaddox: Maybe a year on strike will whip her back into shape? My dad gets super grabby about spending time together during the holidays. Every few years I go on strike and plan a Christmas trip away with my SO or stay home and enjoy whatever holiday it is alone. Since I instituted that policy, dad (and the rest of the fam) has learned to appreciate whatever time I make myself available for holidays.
Post # 4
@beachbride1216: great idea! I think we are just going to continue with our original plans for this year and go there on Christmas only!! The problem, though, is that she tells everyone in his family how much it hurts her that we “never visit”. I once had a really good relationship with his family, and after all of her complaining their attitudes have changed. Right down to his cousin we asked to do a reading at our wedding saying she won’t do it, anymore.
Post # 5
@msmaddox: Ugh! I feel you on this. My FI and I will be spending Christmas apart this year (his family is 5 hours away and I wasn’t ready to not see my family this yr or vice versa) and after we get married, we will have to alternate holidays. When I mentioned this at Thanksgiving to his mom, she said, “UM NO! I DONT THINK SO!!!” and flipped out! Luckily his cousin came to my rescue as she is also married and alternates. But REALLY- she honestly thought I’d just ditch my family every year at Christmas??????
I am also going to put a foot down once we have children. I want my kids to wake up in their own house – I don’t want santa going to grandma/grandpas house, I want him to come to OUR house with our own traditions. Whoever wants to join us, can!
Post # 6
Ugh, I know just how you feel. Because we spent Thanksgiving at my parents’ house, FI and I are going to his parents for Christmas. The thing is, my family invited his to come have Thanksgiving with us all, so he still saw his family at Thanksgiving. I wasn’t even technically invited to Christmas, FI just told his parents I’m coming. His mom has told my FI and other people that I’m controlling and once we’re married she’ll never see her son again, even though we visit a few times a year and FI will go visit on his own. They live 6 hours away! So, I’m trying to “prove” that I’m not that type of person, but it just sucks to know that she doesn’t really want me there and expects FI to ditch me on holidays.
Post # 7
Don’t worry about what she tells everyone else. I am sure that by now all her family and friends have figured out that she is an emotional blackmailer and a liar.
You were very clear in your communications. She knew about Christmas Eve and was invited to attend. Stick to your plans.
She is behaving like a child with a temper tantrum in the hopes that the parenst will give in.
Post # 8
O ladies, it’s so nice to know I’m not the only one going through this!!!