Weddingbee boards

This is kinda wedding-related. Kinda not. So I guess I'll post here...

FH has been crunching the numbers a lot lately, with me being unemployed, and us recently adding some needed upgrades to the house that have to be paid off. He's been debating whether or not to do what he's always done every year and go back to visit his family in NY.

Cost-wise, this would be just over a $1400 trip, and we don't have enough flyer miles to put towards it at the moment. This only includes airfare, a little for food while we travel (it's never a short trip, and we have conditions that don't work with a snack-all-day meal plan), parking or a shuttle, and taking care of the dog. It would literally only be a $5 difference as far as bringing the dog vs. leaving her with a petsitter, so I'd rather not deal with the stress of getting her on the plane. Anyway, none of that cost includes any meals out with friends once we get there, or any presents for anybody.

I know holiday eating out and buying presents isn't crucial. But it feels hard to completely cut it, if you've always done it every year. It's just staggering to count the costs even without those extras.

FH calculates that unless our finances change soon (they may, but not until spring), it would take us nearly a year to pay off the trip, before having to turn around and do it again. FH's parents did outright offer to help pay for our trip. His mom is very concerned about wedding planning for the area, which is another story entirely. FH doesn't want his parents to spend that kind of money just for a holiday visit. But he's also used to visiting every year, and brought up the fact that his grandparents only lived to be about the age his parents are now.

I also briefly mentioned the fact that we would pretty much be left with nothing to use for wedding planning. I've been looking at the most inexpensive and DIY versions of everything I'd like to have, but it still can't be done for free. He suggested that we just do like his co-worker did; take an extra long lunch break one day at the court house.

I have nothing against court house weddings. They're absolutely perfect for plenty of folks. But for me, that just doesn't feel like a wedding. I've already got fabric and plans to make my own dress, already asked several people to stand with or help me out, already gotten commitments even before making up STDs or invitations. I'm ok with small... just not so small that it's, "Here, sign this paper, you're married, congrats."

So now I'm torn with the realization that the holidays will greatly affect our wedding planning, regardless of what happens. I'm thinking that FILs would probably be pretty open to helping with wedding costs because they're offering to fly us back just for Christmas. But obviously if they do that, they probably won't have much to offer for the wedding (not that it matters, but one does need to keep track of what money may or may not come from where). The less wedding $$ availible, the less people we can invite, the closer we'll get to just taking a long lunch break some day. 95% of the people we'd like to invite are in other time zones.

Maybe I'm just frustrated with all the uncertainty. While I would also like to go back for the holidays, I'm perfectly fine with whatever FH decides as far as that's concerned. There's very valid reasons for either choice. I'm trying not to be a bridezilla or anything, I guess I'm just worried that even my ideas of a budget wedding are now in jeopardy.

Because then I'll literally be alone for as long as he's gone. My only vehicle is a Vespa, and I really do not know how to drive his car enough that I would feel safe doing so. Basically, if the weather gets bad enough that I cannot ride my scooter, I'm literally trapped. We really don't have friends around here to help out, either.

I guess I'm just suprized at the impact our home improvements had on the finances. There's never been an issue of "if" we can go. It was just "when." I don't know that there's a year he hasn't gone back for the holidays, when he hasn't lived nearby them.