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I'm sorry that people are inviting themselves! I think that they will get it once you send out the invites and if people really bother you about it, just explain that since you are paying yourselves for the wedding and you can't afford to invite everyone.
that's when we always jump in with, "well we're having a VERY small wedding." and explain that it's only 30 people. we have the luxery of being able to kind of lie. we're only having 30 people at the ceremony, and more people for the reception. they don't need to know that.
When will be people get it???!!!??? It's rude and passive-aggressive to makes comments like that! Sometimes I wonder if it's really about the person really, really wanting to attend the wedding or is it just that they want an invitation so they can feel "special" regardless if they have knows you two hours or if you haven't talked to them in seven years? I have NEVER said that to any bride or groom-to-be. I am anticipating there are going to be a few people who are going to do that to us. Sorry, FH and I are paying for everything on our own and there isn't a whole lot of money to use either!
That's tough. I do think to some degree it's a generational thing. In some cases, in our parent's generations it was standard that weddings were much less formal (i.e., cake and punch in the church basement,) with every extended relative and neighbor in the world invited.
If you think it will be a big problem, maybe you could have a family get-together, just something at your parent's house, for extended family who wants to celebrate with you. People may grumble at first, but in the end everyone has to understand how expensive weddings are these days!
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Now...I truly love the holidays! It's always wonderful to share great food and laughs with loved ones and possibly reconnect after many years. But what I hate is the inevitable conversation of the wedding guest list and distant relatives often assuming they are invited.
First example, during the Thanksgiving holiday, my uncle spoke with a great Aunt and says "oh great, we'll see you all (about 10+ people - all distant cousins whom I've seen possibly 5 times in my entire life) at the wedding"----well, they werent exactly invited...lol. Then anothe aunt says "oh, I'll have to make sure the kids (my first cousins) book their flights soon"---again, they werent exactly invited.
Second example, my in-laws came up for Christmas and we had dinner at my fiance's very distant cousins (his grandmothers cousins, whom I might add he just met this past summer) and the fiance's grandfather says as we are leaving "Ok, well will we see you all at the wedding in Dallas"...gulp.... and of course they say "well, if we get an invitation".
Now here is the issue, we are already over our ideal number for guest list and are paying for the vast majority of our wedding alone; so it is quite irritating when family members want to add guests but are not offering to assistance us in paying! (although I do understand that everyone is really happy for us and would like to share in the joyous moment)
Also, if my father was Donald Trump or my god-mother Oprah Winfrey, I would gladly invite EVERYONE...but that just ain't happening...lol
Don't you just LOVE the holidays:-)