- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
hey gals – i’ve been a longtime lurker and have just started to post recently. i’ve been trying to refrain from ranting here becuase i’m trying to stay positive, but #*($* i just can’t hold it in any longer and i feel like i need some support from some ladies who are in the same sinking boat, haha. sorry if this is long, i’m emotional and it’s late and i don’t have any other excuses..so..yep.
a little background. my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years. we knew we were going to marry each other after the first year of dating, and started talking about marriage quite a bit after the 2 year mark. we had a lot of conversations about it, and he eventually tells me i can expect to be engaged within a year. i FREAK, make a wedding binder, and tell all my friends how lucky/excited i am to be the next one to get to change their facebook relationship status.
soooo then 2011 rolls around, and my darling boyfriend tells me he isn’t as ready as he would like to propose. looking back, i understand, but at the time i was freaking livid. probably one of our biggest fights we’ve ever been in. i put my dreams of becoming a mrs on hold and tried to keep my mouth shut as best as i could. however, i still had the tiniest bit of hope that perhaps he had said that just to throw me off and still was waiting for little signs here and there that he may have gotten a ring anyways…but nope. he really meant it. bummer.
2012. got an apartment together, settled in a bit, and honestly it was our best year yet. i had been doing great with my wedding anxiety (aside from when my best friend called me on my birthday to say that her douche boyfriend had proposed) and i felt pretty ok with just letting the proposal happen when it was gonna happen. around november we started looking at rings, and he made the first moves to check some stuff out. we looked throughout december, and in the beginning of january, he actually PURCHASED the ring (i know becuase i was in the store….yeah, for someone who wants the proposal to be a surprise he’s not doing very well, hah)
i should probably mention that before we went into the jewelers, he sat me down and told me that i had to give him a window of like 6 months and to not expect him to propose right away becuase he wanted it to be a surprise. when he told me this i actually got so upset that i started crying…SERIOUSLY you’re going to dangle something in front of my face that i’ve wanted for so long even LONGER than you need to!? jesus. i’m about to watch you buy my ring, pretty sure we’re past the element of surprise here. MEN.
i expected him to just keep quiet so he could blame a long wait on the setting taking a while to ship, but he actually told me like a week later that the setting had come in and they were just going to have to set the diamond which shouldn’t take long (like 5-7 days he says. so specific.) i dont know if he thinks by doing this it calms my nerves, but it has turned me into a literal crazy lady. i am psycho.
this was about a month and a half ago. i KNOW he has the ring in his possession and it is driving me NUTS. every thing we do that is out of the ordinary i expect a proposal, as well as every thing we do that is completely mundane, and then get super upset when it doesn’t happen.
tonight is the last night in my own apt, and tomorrow we are moving in with his parents for 2 months before we travel for the summer then move so i can finish up school (he’s already graduated). i told him i would like him to propose before our trip since it will already be less than a year before we plan on getting married (OH, yeah, he keeps bringing up shit like he wants to plan it, yet another thing that keeps pissing me off), and he seemed like that coule be possible, but i just really don’t know with him. i was really wanting it to be this month so we could enjoy a little celebrating in private (we sleep in seperate beds at his parents…) and just enjoy the moment by ourselves for a bit. however, tonight has came and went and there was no proposal and now i cant sleep and i am just a mess.
like honestly at this point im getting resentful, even though i know the ring is on the horizon. and i feel bad, but honestly, i feel like i’ve been through enough ups and downs and its time to get this show on the road. did any of this even make sense? am i being ridiculous? is anyone else dealing with a stubborn boyfriend? can someone please justify the burning rage i feel in my chest right now? 🙂