Home Alone … Depressed … Rethinking This

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

It may be difficult, but the best thing to do is to tell him that you don’t want to get married yet.

Starting a marriage off this way won’t do anyone any good, and it certainly won’t spare his feelings. Getting married when you don’t want to or aren’t ready will likely make things more difficult, especially if there comes a time when you need to make changes for your own health and well being.

Getting married when he doesn’t really understand what’s going on with you probably isn’t a good idea either. It could set the stage for expectations that can’t be met, disappointment, and a situation that isn’t good for your mental and physical health or your fiancée. 

If you know not getting married is the right thing for you, don’t get married. It may feel bad and cause tension and some trouble, but it’ll most likely be easier then dealing with these issues within marriage.

Put yourself and your needs first. 

Post # 4
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@habibti:  ohhh my heart breaks for you.  Depression is a real thing, and no, you can’t just make it go away. I’ve been there myself; so much of what you wrote is familiar. 

Don’t give up! Sometimes it just takes the right therapist, the right dose of medication, and it will get better. Try to let your FI in as much as possible, it sounds like he is supportive and will be understanding! I’m sure he will be there for you. 

 

Post # 5
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

@habibti:  I think you should at least take some time for yourself. I’ve been dealing with some mild depression lately, and it caused problems in my relationship because I was just not happy and couldn’t figure out why and thought it might be him. But throughout all of that, my boyfriend was very supportive, although I certainly caused him some hurt. You said that he is great and would do anything for you – but then why did he not buy you a Christmas present? From what you said, he does not sound very supportive of you and your difficulties.

Bottom line is that you can’t be happy with anyone else if you can’t be happy by yourself. I’m so sorry that you have been dealing with this for so long, and I hope that you can figure some treatment out that will help you feel better. I would suggest couples counseling as well because it could help him understand more about your depression and how he can support you better. 

Post # 6
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You are depressed.  FACT

That compounds ALL your problems, issues… real or perceived.

Until you get your Depression in check… NOTHING that happens, or anyone says or does is going to help lift the fog you are seeing the world thru.

So don’t try to figure this all out now… Stay OR Go

You are not in the position to make a viable choice at this time.

Get your health taken care of first, that will make things a lot clearer for you.

 

Post # 7
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

@habibti:  First, why didn’t he get you a gift? I feel like I need more back story to this. I know some couples agree to no gifts, but it doesn’t sound like this was the case. 

Second….You absolutely sound like you are clinically depressed. You are right, it is a medical issue just like diabetes. I can understand your frustration with not finding the right medication, but THERE IS SOMETHNG OUT THERE THAT WILL WORK. I work on a psych unit….I see first hand how much of psychiatric medicine is trial and error. I know its frustrating, but you really need to find a good psychiatrist and therapist that you trust and can work with. Have you ever tried a low dose antipsychotic or mood stabilizer with your antidepressant? This kind of persistant depression is often associated with bipolar type 2. I don’t know enough about your history to really make an assumption, but I’m just putting it out there. And you don’t have to be psychotic to benefit from an antipsychotic, they can be really helpful with mood disorders.

OP, you owe it to yourself to get some help. Please don’t give up! Have you ever had inpatient treatment? It might be somethng to consider. And there are support groups for people who have depression. You owe it to yourself to find a support network and maybe even make some friends 🙂

(((((((hugs))))))) I’ll be thinking of you, and you can PM me to talk further if you want.

Post # 8
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

Sometimes some of my friends are ‘orphans’ and those tend to band together and spend the holidays together. Or, you could always volunteer to help the needy.

If you have tried lots of meds for depression, it might be time to take a serious look at what you are eating, as processed foods can really take a toll on a persons health, more than most realise. Start eating mainly fruits, vegetables, and grains, and I’ll bet your depression will lift some. Also, do something physically active, at that has properties to boost your mood as well. Even if its just going for a short walk around the block. Or find a sport or class you enjoy. Also, get in the sun!! Many people with depression suffer from vitamin D deficiency (which the sun rays supply). Best of wish hun.

Post # 10
Member
3200 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@habibti:  Anti-depressants make you feel numb before they allow you to really “feel” again.  This is just the initial period while it gets in your system.  It last a couple of weeks to a month or so before you balance out.  Depression is a chemical imbalance and it takes time to get the dosage right and for your body to adjust.  But taking a pill is not the only solution.  You need therapy either one-on-one, support group, or both.  Even if for financial reasons you need to start out with an online support group, it is a step in the right place.  Try the meds again if you have to if it allows you to take care of yourself, sleep less, and leave the house but do it WHILE going to therapy at the same time.

Post # 11
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I really, truly feel for you. I have been there. I would totally and completely recommend the RIGHT therapist. I have been to some that made me feel worse. I am FINALLY seeing the right therapist. I struck out a few times. Does your depression have cycles? Triggers? I agree that the gift giving thing sucks, but you have also turned down a wonderful gift of a free wedding…just because you are depressed doesn’t mean there won’t begood also. 

Post # 12
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

I feel the same way. I’m still really young but since I was a kid I’ve always felt depressed. This has caused my relationships to always have this overwhelming little cloud of doom looming over. I end up sabotaging my relationships and myself because I don’t know what happiness and normality is. It’s tough being depressed.

Really though, no amount of pills are going to help. That’s just my experience though, and I’ve taken all kinds of meds: antipsychotics (you’re considering this but I don’t reccomend), antidepressants, mood stabilizers, all kinds. They never really help. I’ve been off meds for almost 2 years now and while I don’t shit rainbows yet, I’m not as bad as I used to be. I don’t go to therapy anymore either, and I’ve been out of hospitals as well. It’s not easy, but you need to figure out what makes you feel depressed, and what makes you feel happy. 

I do a lot of the same things as you when I get depressed. I just kinda sit around, not shower, not change, not do anything. I hate going out and I HATE people looking at me too. I used to not be able to eat or even do normal human movements/actions in public. It’s getting better, you just have to remember no one really matters but you and your loved ones.

You seem to have a wonderful inlaws and a fiance who is willing to support you. I know exactly how you feel about the gift thing, its happened to me a lot and especially with a low mood it’s hard to let go. Does he show you his affection and love in other ways? As you said, maybe gifts are just not his thing. Let him now its not about the gift but the thought behind it. You both should talk about the wedding as well, tell him everything you feel, openness helps when one feels this way. 

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