Post # 1
First time poster, but I lurk for random answers on occasion. It has recently come to light that my Nana, who is 84 wiht Alzheimer’s, is on 24/7 oxygen and will need a health care aide at my wedding. My mom is her full-time caregiver with my dad chipping in around his working hours. The wedding for them is an exciting break and they would like to enjoy themselves, thus, the aide attending. My parents will be footing the bill for her to attend and for her lodging.
My question is about the etiquette of having her be present, but not stand out as a stranger (despite the fact that she is). She will be attending the rehearsal and the wedding reception. I’m not certain about the ceremony, but for the sake of argument, let’s say she must be there as well.
Where would you seat this woman? Next to my Nana? At a table nearby? Generally, this woman will be present to take care of urgent matters like using the restroom and when my Nana is ready to head to bed at night (she can’t be left alone).
Any thoughts are really helpful! Thanks.
Post # 3
I would seat her next to Nana. That way Nana won’t have to try to find her if she needs her.
I’m not sure why you’re concerned about the “etiquette” part? You don’t have to explain why she’s there.
Is Nana familiar with this woman? I can’t tell from your post if she’s ever been her care giver in the past? If not, please try to make sure they meet before the wedding. Strangers can be very frightening to people in Nana’s condition.
Post # 4
My nana will have an aid there as well, and I am seating them together. She’ll be there to get her food, help her to the bathroom, and take her home when she’s ready.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Seat her next to Nana, and plan that she will be at the ceremony as well. None of your guests will be concerned that she’s a stranger.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
She is your Nana’s personal assistant, so she should be right next to her at all times. She will be viewing this as a work event, so for her, I think sitting away from her would be uncomfortable and could potentially add undue stress for both of them. Just consider them a pair.
Post # 7
Agreed, the aide will be dresses like any guest, or if the agency policy is a set uniform like scrubs, a color that blends in, and I would put them close to your grandmother. The point is to help if needed which to me would require them to be next to her should your grandma need anything.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Next to Nana and treat her like a regular guest (except she can’t drink alcohol or dance.)
Post # 11
Thanks ladies! The more I look into this, it seems appropriate to have her by her side.
@GroovyHippieChick: Nana is familiar with her. As for the etiquette, I just want to make sure everyone is comfortable and that I am doing what’s right for everyone involved especially in all of my event planning for work, I’ve never dealt with this type of concern.
Post # 12
@juliette.eliza: Exactly. And the aide won’t be in formal pictures.
I’m happy to hear your nana will be able to attend. I’ve worked in home health before so I understand the situation.
Post # 13
I’m sure that she is a professional and can be trusted to do exactly what she needs to and is supposed to for your Nana. How lovely that she will be there so that your Nana can be at your wedding when, without her, she would have a hard time being able to attend, or would keep your parents’ hands full! Her presence (the aide’s, I mean) will be a nice respite for your parents, too.
Post # 14
Ofcourse she should be there! If you’d like maybe thank her in the program?
“We would also like to thank Nurse soandso for being able to attened our wedding and being such a wonderful helpmate to our dearest Nana, we appreciate all that you do for us”
Post # 15
Seat her next to your Nana; her whole purpose in being there is to help her that evening.
As far as making the aide comfortable, she’s there to do a job. Of course she’ll have a meal and everything, but the whole reason she’s there is to take care of Nana so your parents can have a break. I think the best thing you could do is have a chat with her, and let her know how much you appreciate her being there so your parents can have a break, and ask specifically what things will make her job easier. She’s probably done this kind of thing before and can tell you what will make her job go more smoothly.
Post # 16
I agree with everyone who said that the carer should be with your nana.