- 8 years ago
Hey hive, I know I’m still new here, but I have a situation that is bothering me, so I am coming to you all for a little vent and maybe some helpful advice?
My FI’s sister and I get along great. We hang out and talk and she is super supportive of our relationship. I don’t really agree with some of her life choices she is making, but it is not my place to judge or say anything. She has an SO and two kids, ages 2 and 8. For purposes of this post, I will call her Janey.
Janey and her family have moved around alot and have been living with her grandparents for a while. She does not work (she recently got an entry level job, but was fired right away for being late) and overall, seems content to stay home with her toddler and milk the government funding. Last week, she called to say that she had gotten in a huge fight with her grandparents (over what, I do not know), and that she was on her way over to our house and asked if they could stay here for a few days. That is no problem. Their argument is not my business, and I adore her and her kids, so it was fine for them to stay here.
Since she has been here, she has been trying to help out (I think). She has cleaned everyday while we are at work. We usually clean when we get home from work (ie washing last night’s dinner dishes) and I felt bad that she was doing those chores and told her that she shouldn’t feel the need to do it. Plus, I really just don’t like people cleaning in my house, it makes me uncomfortable. Yesterday, she went out and bought a mop while I was at work because she couldn’t find mine and therefore thought we didn’t have one. I understand that she feels like she needs to contribute somehow in return for them staying there.
Last night, I came home from working a 12 hour day. She had told me that she would be cooking dinner (didn’t ask, just announced it), so I didn’t stop at the store on the way home and we didn’t really have anything I could make for dinner in the house. I had told her that I would be working later than usual, but I guess she forgot. I got home and discovered that all that was left from dinner was about a quarter of a serving. I was kind of annoyed because I was hungry and had been told I didn’t need to pick anything up because she was making it, but I let it go because it really wasn’t a huge deal. She told me that she hadn’t expected me home so late, she hadn’t known where I had been, and thought maybe I had already eaten, so she didn’t save anything. Miscommunication, oh well, move on.
Later, Fiance and I were standing in the kitchen chit-chatting and joking around, and Janey came in after putting the two-year-old down for bed. She started questioning Fiance (her brother, who is 29 years old) about why he took ham sandwiches to work every single day and telling him that she would start making him other things to take. He told her that he takes the same thing everyday because it is what he likes and he didn’t want anything else to take. She just kept pushing it though. He makes his own lunch every morning and is capable of doing this himself. This part just really irritated me for some reason. It seems silly, but with everything else kind of sitting there, *almost* bothering me, and then this, I was just not happy about it. Fiance was a little irritated too. We both feel like he is a big boy who can make his own lunch and if someone else was going to make his food for him, that would fall to me as “the female in his life.”
I feel bad for being irritated over this because I feel like she has good intentions, but I can’t help starting to feel a little territorial. It isn’t anything I feel is big enough to say something and risk hurting her feelings, but I feel like that is my role and she is toeing the boundary line. She also made the comment last night, “Well, when I start making dinner every night….” What? Who agreed to this? My first thought was, “Oh great, now I am going to come home from work and either be hungry or fix dinner for just myself, not Fiance and I both like I am used to.”
Fiance totally gets how I am feeling, but I am wondering if anyone thinks I’m just being crazy? Is this an understandable feeling? I have made lighthearted comments about, “Oh stop, you don’t have to do that, come sit down.” Aside from that, I can’t think of a way to clue her in. I know that if I actually tried to talk about it, and be honest about how I’m feeling, it would really hurt her feelings because she is trying to help. Also, a few days has turned into indefinitely. They don’t have anywhere else to go, and we certainly aren’t kicking them out. She is working with the welfare people to find something, but they just don’t have much money and so their stay might not be so short. Meanwhile, there are four extra people living in our house, and I feel like we are experiencing a mild home invasion where I have no say!
Would you feel the same as me in this situation? What would you do?