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OMG, I can totally relate to the mail on the counter issue. THAT IS WHY WE HAVE A TABLE BY THE FRONT DOOR! He doesn't seem to get it.
I also hate all the envelopes/inserts that come with the mail. Just keep the bill, throw out the rest. He doesn't seem to grasp that as well.
So for suggestions, no I'm sorry I really don't have anything I have the same problem!
Are we married to the same man? lol My husband does the SAME things with mail & clothes...here is what I came up with.
Mail:
Everyday when the mail comes I go through it after work and all his mail is according to me either junk or important. I toss the junk immediatley (he doesn't want Direct Tv mailers or any other mailers as we have discussed this before and it sits there on the counter for weeks before he says I hate this junk and tosses it anyway so, he knows I do this and is ok with it) he only wants bank statements, magazines, personal letters, insurance/car info etc. So with all the junk gone, I have an organizer (you can get some here for a decent price/different styles) every Sunday if he is sitting in his chair I maee him go through it like a 2 year old with me right there. After about 2 months of this, he now does his mail himself because he said he doesn't need a "mom" lol, so it worked.
Clothes: Only solution to this was, I do all laundry and he does all yardwork, to me it's a deal b/c with my allergies I hate mowing the lawn, especially when it's hot out!
Good luck!
Hehe what is it with men!! Mine does the same thing.. but I'm afraid I won't be much help because I just do it myself I'm afraid. We came to a compromise, I do the laundry and sort out the public areas (because I'm the one who really cares about that and I secretely love doing laundry haha). In return, he does all the things I can't be bothered with/ don't know how to do - fixes things, sorts out the bills, does the food shopping etc. It may sound quite old fashioned but it works for us!
However, this only works because we are both happy with the situation... and since you are obviously not happy with the way things are split in your household then you have to sit him down and have a SERIOUS talk with him. I think it's all about habit. Get him to try and do it every day for 2 weeks and then by the end I'm sure he will have picked up the habit.
Mail: I usually open the mail and most goes straight to garbage. My important stuff goes to my desk. His mail goes to an open file kept in our pantry. If it's his important mail and I'm afraid he'll miss it, I'll sometimes open it and/or keep it right where he will eat dinner on the table or my desk (if I'll handle it) or put it on his side of the bed. It's worked out fine so far...nothing lost.
Folded clothes: You can try putting it on his side of the bed then the goal is for him to put it away before he sleeps.
DH is pretty neat about the bedroom so that's where I get the most success. Perhaps there is a place in your house your DH is anal about, then you can start putting his stuff to put away there. I know I am a mess with clothes and I have a few sacred spots in the house I always want to see clean.
I have the exact same problem with my husband. On the mail, I do what a lot of the other ladies do, I am the only one to "process" (haha that's what my mom called it -- we all thought she was a freak about being the only one to process the mail, but now i tooootallly get it) the mail. I throw out most of it without input from him. If I think there might be personal information on any of it, I open it to see and put it in the pile to shred. There is very rarely any mail that actually requires action from DH.
On the clothing front -- this is more difficult. I do let him keep clothes in ONE laundry basket on his side of the bed. I think the root of the problem is that we do not have enough drawer space (we currently share one dresser and each have one of those little plastic ones in the closet) and so there's not actually ample space to put everything away (men's clothes are just so much bigger and bulkier!). I'm thinking seriously about getting another dresser b/c it might be the only way to solve this problem. I love the idea about trying to put them on his side of the bed though! :)
I also think it helps to seriously talk to them about how the clutter around the house makes you feel. I know for me it's a constant source of low-grade stress, and is very annoying -- like a pebble in my shoe. I thought DH knew and just didn't care, but it turns out he had no idea. He does not have that reaction to it at all and just didn't understand. It (obviously) didn't completely solve the problem, but he is much more on board now with finding a solution that will work for both of us.
Yeah mine does the exact same thing with the mail and I HATE that he doesnt throw away the envelope or the crap mail! So you are asking for a solution and I hate to say this but you are just going to have to do it for him if you really want it to get done! There was an article in Psychology Today that you cant expect someone to change habits like that...so you have to change your attitude about those habits and deal with them the best way you can! Sorry :-(
Heres the article if youre interested! http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200903/youre-driving-me-crazy
@PitBulLover: Thanks for the article. I appreciate it.
I did just purchase over lunch a hanging mail organizer with key hooks! WaHOOO! I usually DO do the mail but he just doesn't do anything with it. AHHH!
I will take on thy dreaded mail responsibility and CONQUER!
@stephinPA: LOL!! You do that mail and you do it good!!!!!
Seriously the only way is training....be REALLY nice in asking for things and say "babe, I would really appreciate if...___________ so that I can cook a nice meal for you!" or whatever it may be
For my husband it is putting the toilet seat down and not getting wtaer all over the handle for the faucet. He is finally learning about the toilet seat after 3.5 years of living together WOW!!!! And he still doesnt get the faucet thing. UGH!
@PitBulLover: I promise to do the mail at my very best!
Anyway, I know! I have learned to ask by saying, 'I would appreciate it if...or it would really help me out if...' And believe it or not, he is doing more household chores. And I do appreciate the help.
My husband is a fire marshal, so it took a little time for me, but I've been trained to unplug almost every single cord after use in our home! Coffee pot - Check!, TV - Check!, Light - Check! And now I go around my parent's home and do the same thing. It drives them nuts.
@stephinPA: Lol it looks like he trained you well ;-)
Am I supposed to be unplugging every single thing every night??? I only unplug appliances but not the TV! :-\ now im nervous!
Tell your husband how living with his mess makes you feel. Once I explained to my husband that living in chaos is stressful for me, and makes me embarassed to have people over, he started to listen.
It sounds like either he has too much stuff, or not enough space for his stuff, or both. We've been doing a lot of closet cleaning and general purging of junk we don't need. I keep a box in the floor of our closet to give to charily, so we can just add items as we come across them in the closet. This method has worked wonders for us. Its a easy way to clean out your closet with out the daunting task of spending hours going through everything and cleaning out the closet.
I'm also on a quest to get off all mailing lists to reduce the amount of paper that comes in our house. We also get 95% of our bills electronically to help reduce the paper problem.
@texasmeredith: Ok I actually agree with this a lot. Messes make me stressed, anxious and makes me not want to have friends over/makes me want to sit around in PJs - my husband actually does understand this now and has been so much more helpful since we had this talk!
@texasmeredith: I agree with you. Perhaps he doesn't understand how it does create low grade stress for me. And I love the idea of having the box for charity. Great ideas. Thanks!!
You are supposed to unplug things? Yikes!
I'm the one who makes the piles and DH is the neat one.
It's a DAILY STRUGGLE for me.
Seriously - understanding how it drove DH crazy was when it 'hit home' for me. It was in our pre-marital classes and they were explaining how some people are visual while others are auditory. The visual people like order and feel a sense of disorder or unhappiness when there is a mess (I'm paraphrasing this BADLY). Long story short, though - I didn't realize that my piles caused HIM so much unhappiness. All along, I thought he was just annoyed because of the mess - vs. it actually causing him distress.
It was a lightbulb moment for me.
It also helps when DH complements my efforts (and it really does take a lot of effort for me to put things away immediately). I'm the - I'll get to that later - type person.
I think you really just need to talk to him and tell him how upsetting it is to you and how loved you'd feel if he could do x, y and z.
Praise his successes and give him grace when he fails - it's serious hard work for us pile types!
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Okay. I've been living with my husband now for over 2 years. Officially hubs and wife for 3 weeks tomorrow. But ever since I've known him, he's been organizationally challenged. His mail piles and piles up on our kitchen counter...he doesn't really do anything about it. And then the piles get higher and higher. I've tried giving him a basket just for mail...but same thing happens. It piles high and then I'm the one that has go through it all, throw out what's not needed, shred what's needed and keep the important stuff for him to look through. But it's all of his crap on the counter. And when I need the counter for, gee, umm, relating kitchen activities, it's NOT THERE!
But wait...it just doesn't stop there. Then there's all of his clothing piles in the laundry room. I've put his clothes away before for him...twice and it always ends up back how it is now. I refuse to allow him to purchase another laundry basket because I know it's eventually going to be used as an outlet for him to pile his clothes.
I'm a tad OCD about tidiness but lately it just feels as if there's CRAP EVERYWHERE!
I feel like I always go through our stuff and purge too.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can better implement some organization into our home/lives?