Home to help care for my grandfather in his last days, and I feel horrible.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@ChellFish22:  Nothing wrong with being disappointed and venting. Other than the holidays, are you getting the help you need from family and hospice or nursing services? The time you’re spending with him is precious but make sure you are taking breaks to live your own life as well or you won’t be a healthy/happy caregiver for him.

Post # 4
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

I just went through this with my grandmother (she has now passed). At first I was in denyal of her state, but I went to see her every 2 days (I live an hour away) and she was getting worse as days went by. The last 10 days, I can tell you I’ve been hoping she would finally die. When you see someone you love suffering, you truly only wish for an end to their pain and discomfort. I can totally relate to how you feel. I felt so bad for feeling this way, but I knew my grandmother wanted it as well. When she was still able to speak, she told us she hoped death would come fast, and she said (quote) : ”what’s the point of just watching the ceiling all day ?” For a woman who used to be active a few weeks earlier, losing your ability to walk, eat, concentrate (not being able to read, do crosswords or any kind of leisure anymore to pass time) it becomes unbearable as all you can do when you’re awake is lie in your bed, and wait. That’s something that saddened me a lot and I understand why she would say such a thing.

Please do not feel guilty, it’s normal to have contradictory feelings like those you have right now. But you are doing the right thing. We don’t always get the chance to say goodbye to the ones we love and if anything, it can help us deal with the pain of losing them when it happens. Somehow it is a blessing if you get to spend one last Christmas with your grandfather. Maybe your husband could fly over for one of these holidays ?

I’m wishing you the best, and all the courage and strength you need through these difficult times. *hugs*

Post # 7
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

Will he pass at home ? My grandmother was put in a house for the terminally ill (she was dying from cancer) and she didn’t really get to see it because she was always sleeping and received morphine every few hours, but it was a relief to have the staff around to help and reassure us. Whenever a nurse would come he or she would explain what was going on, what to expect next, and ask if we had any question. They were extremely kind. They also told us several times that touch and hearing were the last senses to go, so it’s good to talk, laugh around them during daytime even if they appear to be sleeping ; and caressing their hair or hand, they can feel it as well and it’s enough for them to know they’re not alone. In the end there’s not much you can do, but being there and letting your grandfather know you’re around and that you love him will allow him to leave in peace, when it’s time. 

Post # 10
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Oh honey that must be so hard!  It is great you can be there with your grandfather!  Sending hugs and prayers…

Post # 11
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ChellFish22:  You are giving your grandfather such a beautiful gift just by being there for him.  I am so sorry about how difficult this is for you.  I can tell that you love your grandfather very much.

I have no advice for you, I just wanted to offer support.  Hang in there!

Post # 13
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Vent here, that’s what the bee is for!

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