(Closed) Homemakers? Stay at home moms? Just curious

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I’m planning on being a S/WAHM eventually.. I don’t know if right away I will. I’m becoming a mom somewhat unexpectedly near the end of November, and I’ll probably stay out of a job for a good bit after the baby is born because infant childcare is so expensive and can be such a pain in the butt (ugh, pumping…) but maybe during the toddler years I’ll go back for a while, especially if we are living with my in-laws.

Eventually, though, the dream is to be a full time stay-at-home, homeschooling, huge home gardening hippie-mom. I’d love to have a hobby farm, but I don’t know if that will ever happen. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

For sure when that time comes I will stay at home with them.  We’ve decided if for some reason it’s not possible for me to stay at home with them, then we won’t be having any kids. 

Post # 5
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

We’re thinking that my husband might be a stay at home dad, at least for the first few years.  We’ll see!

Post # 6
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I plan to work part-time but be a mostly stay at home mom when I have kids. I think we can swing it.

Post # 7
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I would love to stay home with my children.  We will have to see if that is possible when it happens.

Post # 8
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I’m planning to be at home full-time for a year. Then either I will go back part-time, we will both go part-time, or I will go full-time and he will be a stay at home dad. I think he would cope better being at home all the time, and I have greater earning potential right now. I have friends planning to stay home full-time until the children are in school, but I think I would go crazy. Crazy mum = no good for anyone ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t want to put my children in full-time childcare though – we are lucky to have both sets of parents in the same town so hopefully we will have other options available.

Post # 9
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

Does anyone’s other half stay home (i.e. stay at home dad)? We’ve talked about this as the FI really wants to and I tend to get bored more easily but I am just not sure I would go through with it (I kind of want to have the time with the child(ren)). Just wondering if some one is in that situation now.

Post # 10
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I will for sure ๐Ÿ™‚ Until at least they’re ready to go to school – have thought about homeschooling but I might be ready to get out of the house by the time the third one (think we’ll have 3, maybe 4) is 5! I can’t wait, I love kids, and he should be earning enough that it wouldn’t be too much of a financial strain.

Post # 11
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

As of right now, I’m a stay-at-home fiance. I’m unemployed but I hope to find full-time work for at least one more year until my car is paid off. Then if it’s possible, I’d like to be a stay-at-home mom. If anything, I’ll work part-time if needed.

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Can i stay at home and keep my salary?

Post # 13
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I only work 2 or 3 days a week. I already have two daughters, and I did the stay at home mom thing for a year and a half with my older daughter, and then when my younger daughter was born I was home for probably three years with them. It has it’s upsides and downsides. I personally felt like I totally lost myself (although I have to say my situation was much more stressful, having a special needs child, and my then boyfriend was only home for a short time every other month bc of his job). When you are a stay at home mom, people tend to think that you don’t need a break, bc, hey, it’s not like you have a job or anything. Anyway, I ended up taking a bartending job just to have a good reason to leave the house, and I was able do it while my kids were sleeping.

I kind of knew that I didn’t want to be in this relationship anymore, so when a really good job popped up in my chosen field, I jumped at it. So, then I was doing the single mom working two jobs thing, and that was killing me, but I did it for three years, during which time the husband and I got together. I loved my full time job, but it was a whole lotta’ chaos all day every day. So, when we eventually moved in together this past February, we decided it would be best for me and the girls if I only worked a few days a week. And while I feel like I am wasting my potential in my current job, it’s a nice trade off. I could absolutely never do the full time stay at home mom thing again!!! I really respect a mom who can, but I need something to remove me from the stresses of being home.

My advice to anyone planning to be a SAHM are to make sure you have a good support system and network, people who understand that motherhood can be more stressful than a full time job, especially if you have more than one. Also, I really advise people to have a class or attend a book club, or go do something for yourself at least once a week. Even going for cocktails with your best friends every other weekend. This will keep you connected to the world and pull you out of your bubble. Have a back up plan: Whoo watches the baby if you get the flu or if you both get the flu? What happens if you break your foot? Pass out,etc. Give yourself a reason to dress up and get sexy a few times a month. Trust me, it’s easy to be the flip flop wearing sweatpants mom. Have an at home hobby that doesn’t include ironing (I went through a phase where I ironed evry peice of laundry in the house) or vacuumming. Last but not least…babies are easy, it’s when they get to be toddlers that all hell breaks loose. Toddlers are jerks, but very lovable jerks!!

Sorry, this was longer than I intended. I really only meant to say, been there, done that, and I prefer working part time!

Post # 14
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception

Like jhphi, Hubbers and I have been talking about him being a SAHD (with him working part-time for sanity purposes ). I’m the main finanical provider at the moment so it wouldn’t make sense for me to quit my job and the Hubby’s pay is equal to child support. It’s kind of pointless for him to work 40 hours a week just so our kid is in day care. We’ll crunch more numbers when the time comes to see what would be best.

Miss Starlet: thanks for the excellent advice and things to consider!

Post # 15
Member
26 posts
Newbee

I think I am the odd one out on this.  I do not plan to be nor want to be a stay at home mother.  Both FI and I earn equal good pay so if he wants to stay at home I won’t stop him.  For me though I would get so bored and depressed staying at home all the time.  I don’t even like to take more than a few days off from work to ‘relax’, it stresses me out.  lol  I also grew up in a two parent working household and loved it (daycare included).  So that might be why I don’t think day cares are bad and wouldn’t want to be a stay at home mom.

Post # 16
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I plan to be a STHM for at least a year once we start having children. I would hate to miss any "firsts" and have heard a lot of mothers who did not take off for whatever reason, about how much they regretted it. That said, I get bored at home really easy, and am not thinking I’ll be someone whose whole life is about being a mommy. I like doing my own things and working, and would probably go insane if I had to be home for too long. Hopefully I’ll never have to work more than part-time after children, though. I feel so bad for the mothers who work with me who never get to see their kids come home from school.

I come from a household where both my parents worked full time, and my husband came from a household where his mother was a SAHM (and still is). It seems that me and all of my sibilings and I are quite a bit more independent than him and his siblings. I always just figured out how to do things on my own, and his younger sibilings (18 & 22) still seem pretty dependent. Just wondering if anyone else has a similar situation?

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