Post # 1
FI and I are planning a trip to NY next month to book the church, venue, vendors, etc for our September 24, 2011 wedding. We’re super excited and love our choice of date for many reasons.
My cousin announced this week that she is pregnant and plans to marry her boyfriend, probably six months after the baby is born… Which would be September 2011. I know this is still very premature and nothing is set in stone for her and her boyfriend.
Should I mention that FI and I are booking venues next month? I’m really worried, whether this is a rational worry or not, that family members will have to choose which wedding to attend. Our family is not “loaded” and going to two weddings within a couple of weeks of each other probably wouldn’t happen for them. I’m really afraid that my out of town wedding will be the one they choose to skip.
I’m trying to figure out when/how to say something to her, and if I should say something to her. Nothing is set in stone and I don’t want to tell her she can’t get married when she wants… But, it’s very unlikely that our family could attend two weddings back to back. Should I mention my timeline to her?
Post # 3
I think that since this is a genuine concern over the family being able to attend both weddings that it is in her best interest, too. I think you have the right frame of mind that you are not telling her when to get married, but it is always possible that this is just something she wouldn’t have thought about. I think that it can’t hurt to mention it in passing over the course of wedding conversation that you are booking venues for your date just as a way of making her aware of the date, NOT to say that you don’t think she should get married then. The other thing I have to ask is — if you haven’t booked the venue, can you be sure it will be your date? Would you turn down your dream venue if they didn’t have that date available?
I think ultimately you can make her aware of your date, but it is up to her whether or not that information is relevant when she makes her decision.
Post # 4
Does your cousin know that you have your date set already? Also, how close are you? I have one cousin who is one of my best friends, a bunch I know fairly well and then 25-odd that I’d hardly know if I passed them in the street! I think it depends on your relationship – if you were close I’d say let her know you’re booking your venues and just casually ask how that might work with her plans.
But, unless you guys are really close, at this point I would probably just go ahead and make your plans. It sounds like your cousin is only just pregnant and only just thinking about getting married…a lot could change in the next year and I wouldn’t go changing plans or having awkward conversations when it’s not necessary yet.
Post # 5
I would talk with her, just to clear your head. But also keep in mind that this may be her plan today, but after she has her baby EVERYTHING might change. She might have to push things back because of any number of unknown factors! Also, since you are having an out of town wedding, you’re going to have to assume that many of them might not make it. The close and important people will make the effort if they have the funds, but it can be a lot to ask of other people you may not be that close to.
I would talk with your cousin, make sure your family knows your plans and can make that date and go with your plan.
By the way LOVE YOUR WEDDING DATE! It’s ours too!!
Post # 6
We are fairly certain it will be the date. We have four choices of churches and three choices of reception venues and two different dates. So it’s fairly certain that the date will be September 24th or September 18th, 2011.
We aren’t that close. She is 28 and I am 20. We’ve seen each other 2-3 times a year throughout our lives. I went to her high school graduation and her first wedding, she went to my high school graduation and college graduations. But we’re not the almost-like-sisters sort of cousins.
She’s fifteen weeks pregnant, she and her boyfriend kept it quiet until the risky period had passed and also allowed themselves time to talk about the future.
I wasn’t planning to tell anyone the date we’d set (aside from my mother) until we had actually booked the church and venue, etc. But at this point, I’m kind of thinking that I ought to mention it. We’re having a family bbq next weekend and I’ll see my cousin then.